yes butt i lost my christian faith due to suffering i held
Very short summary
Bullied heavily entire elementary school and middle school
begged on my knees with my mate when i was 10 to thugs who just wanted to threat me as toy
begged before my mother to not kick me out house when i was 14
my dad nearly killed me with knife ( my mom held him and i with all my strength held my doors...i was so scared )
i tried to kill my dad with knife he also wanted to kill me with knife ( my mom held both of us ) kicked me out house for 1 day
kicked out house after another huge argument for 2 days at beggining of 2022
one kid shooted me with plastic gun to face ( plastic bullets )
tried to kill myself in may of 2020 and nearly jumped on bus and train i wanted to hug mom but she rejected my hug after this ( one of two most painful moments in sense of rejection )
i had suicide attempt in july of 2022 and spent 11 days at mental ward ( dad called phone to me and only time i saw him crying in my life )
'mates' at uni maked meet up which for 30 minutes insulted me ( cause my behavior i must admit but im autistic and schizophrenic and my negative experiences make me like this ) non stop until i left
general people treat me as trash whole life cause im autistic and latter schizophrenic manlet who was medications fat for quite lot of time ( at least i lost it )
meant to be short but like can see it isn't...
second most painfull rejection is girl which i sent pics to you after learning that i love her started to be scared of me...girl which i love
some of my life story
I'm sorry for your terrible life experiences. I've had my own heartaches, but even the worst doesn't compare to this. I ... don't even know what to say other than I'm very sorry for your terrible parents, your overall terrible childhood and life. No one should have to go something like this, let alone a child. Had you been more genetically gifted in terms of looks, perhaps things would have been different, or perhaps not.
As for your rejections from your crush, that's definitely not easy either, especially if she is afraid of you. We all desire love and companionship with others, especially with the opposite sex, so to be denied is very hard for us, especially now when it's so difficult to find a relationship with anyone, let alone someone we are attracted to or like.
I don't blame you or condemn you for losing your faith, as I myself am not a particularly good example of your strong Christian believer either. I don't feel a strong connection to the faith as a whole; I never really had. I don't know why that is, but it's been that way for a long time. I wish I could, but I don't see myself doing so in my current state as an incel. Maybe something will change in the future, maybe not. Regardless, I don't blame you. This world is harsh, cruel, unfair, and just plain evil. It's hard to see any rhyme or reason for it, let alone believe that God was behind everything, including all our suffering in life.
Faith in such a thing is hard, impossible even. I understand you. And believe me when I say I'm sorry for everything you've suffered; I've enjoyed our talks and your artwork. You're talented. You are valuable. But it seems that it doesn't matter in this world as much as it looks to be rich or instantly successful.
You deserve to be happy as much as any Chad or, Stacy or bluepilled normie is. Fuck everyone saying otherwise, that you're not entitled to happiness or anything like that. That is bullshit. You do.
All I can say is that you can, if you like, choose to walk a different path in life than the rotting away in a room like me or other NEETs or incels. I believe that if you want, you can make something of yourself. Of course, it's your choice. No one should be forced to stay in this world if they don't want to. You have suffered enough. But I believe that this world has more than just lust or sexual intimacy.
After all, just looking at all the beautiful architecture we've shared together! So much beauty and divine majesty shown throughout all of it. This world has more to offer than love, at least purely just through human relationships, especially with the opposite sex. But with art.
Regardless. I wish you the best, man; stay safe and happy. You deserve it.
