I've felt a little bit more motivated to do things over the past couple days. I can't say I feel good, I don't feel happy still but I feel neutral and neutral without the usual emptiness feeling that makes everything no matter how simple feel like a herculean task. My brain feels like it's at least somewhat working as it's supposed to for once, a feeling that I've been having less and less over the past while.
Went outside on a couple walks, did a bit of running which I don't normally do, did some calisthenics shit, talked with my family a bit. Not that special of a day to the average person but for me who's been completely demoralised by life for the past year I feel much better than usual.
This shit never lasts though. I'll be motivated to actually try stuff other than sitting on my PC all day for a couple days or a week or so and then one day I week up and my brain just says "Fuck you, you're going to be absolutely miserable and everything is going to require 10 times the willpower as it did the day before". It feels like my brain is actively against me most of the time and just decides to fuck with me for no reason. That's why I'm so inconsistent when it comes to trying to improoooove.
