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I feel empathy for you guy, although I have had a few boyfriends and lost my virginity at 15 [which I regret] so I thought I would share some tips and help you.
Often in dating, people have "dealbreakers" or things they feel they would absolutely NOT date someone over or feel able to tolerate. Sometimes we can feel they can't be adjusted but the idea of this post is to remind people that things that may repel people in dating may be ADJUSTABLE and if everyone re framed their minds, they could widen a pool of partners they didn't believe otherwise possible.
Here's a few examples of dealbreakers people have and ideas on how to adjust them.
1. I won't date anyone who smokes.
Adjustment - How often do they smoke? Could I deal with it if they agreed only to smoke outside or away from me? Are they trying to quit and can I support them with it?
2. I won't date anyone with kids.
Adjustment - How old are the kids? Would I find it easier if they had say, one child aged 16 who goes out a lot whom I get along well with over the dynamic of say, two children under seven who never see their other parent?
3. I won't date someone with no job or who makes less money.
Adjustment - What does employment mean to you for your partner? Is it status, making money that you need as a joint income source or wanting them to be productive? Is there another way they can be productive or gain respect from you through hobbies? Do you earn enough money for two of you? Or ways you could reduce how you spend money?
4. I won't date someone older than me.
Could you adjust by a few years? Do you want kids and it matter for that or not? Is the person young otherwise in lifestyle in a way that matches you? What makes it bother you?
5. I won't date anyone who lives longer than an hour away.
Could you still meet sometimes? Are they willing you move or you, maybe?
You can apply this to many dealbreakers but not all. If you like, name a dealbreaker you have that you want to talk through and I'll share thoughts on how to adjust.
The idea is to self adjust in order to increase your opportunities but with a person you'd otherwise rule out before knowing them properly and maybe finding love.
So don't rule out a girl because she's not your idea of perfect. If she likes you then give her a chance!
Often in dating, people have "dealbreakers" or things they feel they would absolutely NOT date someone over or feel able to tolerate. Sometimes we can feel they can't be adjusted but the idea of this post is to remind people that things that may repel people in dating may be ADJUSTABLE and if everyone re framed their minds, they could widen a pool of partners they didn't believe otherwise possible.
Here's a few examples of dealbreakers people have and ideas on how to adjust them.
1. I won't date anyone who smokes.
Adjustment - How often do they smoke? Could I deal with it if they agreed only to smoke outside or away from me? Are they trying to quit and can I support them with it?
2. I won't date anyone with kids.
Adjustment - How old are the kids? Would I find it easier if they had say, one child aged 16 who goes out a lot whom I get along well with over the dynamic of say, two children under seven who never see their other parent?
3. I won't date someone with no job or who makes less money.
Adjustment - What does employment mean to you for your partner? Is it status, making money that you need as a joint income source or wanting them to be productive? Is there another way they can be productive or gain respect from you through hobbies? Do you earn enough money for two of you? Or ways you could reduce how you spend money?
4. I won't date someone older than me.
Could you adjust by a few years? Do you want kids and it matter for that or not? Is the person young otherwise in lifestyle in a way that matches you? What makes it bother you?
5. I won't date anyone who lives longer than an hour away.
Could you still meet sometimes? Are they willing you move or you, maybe?
You can apply this to many dealbreakers but not all. If you like, name a dealbreaker you have that you want to talk through and I'll share thoughts on how to adjust.
The idea is to self adjust in order to increase your opportunities but with a person you'd otherwise rule out before knowing them properly and maybe finding love.
So don't rule out a girl because she's not your idea of perfect. If she likes you then give her a chance!
