Deleted member 7448
Name is Abdu, live in Laos, born on 24.08.1992.
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- Joined
- May 16, 2018
- Posts
- 7,127
My parents and I have had our ups and downs, but now we're tighter than ever. I'm really attached to them and I love them, I'd miss them too much if I were to leave. Especially cause of all the horrible things I've done to them when I was an alcoholic I guess I overcompensated from guilt but I genuinely love them. And my cat too, that little ball of fur is everything to me.
But tbh there's no future for me in this country for many reasons. First of all, basically everyone I ever knew knows of when I used to be an alcoholic. There's a lot of people I don't even know that well that know my humiliations. Anyone I ever knew, from highschool or uni etc... I'm terrified of walking down the street, out of fear that somebody I used to know would see me. Genuinely agoraphobic because of this. Another aspect is that this is a poor ass country where I'd barely be making $300 a month if I'm lucky.
So if I am to have any life at all I need to leave. If I don't leave I'll be slaving for peanuts while terrified of ever accidentally meeting someone that I used to know, in constant anxiety. And yet I can't leave, my parents and my cat are everything to me.
But tbh there's no future for me in this country for many reasons. First of all, basically everyone I ever knew knows of when I used to be an alcoholic. There's a lot of people I don't even know that well that know my humiliations. Anyone I ever knew, from highschool or uni etc... I'm terrified of walking down the street, out of fear that somebody I used to know would see me. Genuinely agoraphobic because of this. Another aspect is that this is a poor ass country where I'd barely be making $300 a month if I'm lucky.
So if I am to have any life at all I need to leave. If I don't leave I'll be slaving for peanuts while terrified of ever accidentally meeting someone that I used to know, in constant anxiety. And yet I can't leave, my parents and my cat are everything to me.