I was never truly accepted anywhere. All my life I went through drifting between groups, always considered myself the "cool with everyone" type but the reality was I just barely friendly acquaintances with people who would either use me for their purposes an toss me aside when they were done like a dirty cum napkin.
My whole life I just wanted to be liked an now I hate everything.
I even come on here , a forum dedicated to losers an bein sexless an feel myself out of place here or a weirdo, I can't seem to find anyone else who shares the same specific style of schizophrenic delusional self grandeur world view, Yes I acknowledge I is a pathetic loser nobody ... but i also think it's possible that i can be more. We can all be more. I wanna do so many things that it feels overwhelmingly hopeless an honestly fuckin hilarious at the same time because i look at the reality of my current situation an it is not that of any great person , I just sit back an laugh at myself.
I've been locked prisoner in my comfort zone, i am my own warden, my own rapist cell mate.
If I'm not struggling with schizophrenic self delusional thoughts of living in my own imagination reality i've created where i'm simultaneously living the quiet humble country farm life but also a powerful political an criminal underworld figure, then i'm struggling with thoughts of self loathing, depression, anger an hopelessness. I've recently decided I must be in a spiritual war with God because he is the piece of shit that made every bad thing in my life happen to me for no reason other than to relish in my suffering. I have actually come to the conclusion God must Die , I know how retarded an mentally unstable that sounds but i can't help myself an i may be losing my grip on reality an life a little, 27 an still in the same position i was in when i was 7, living underr the people that broke me mentally , completely paralyzed socially an financially, My siblings don't talk to me an i get treated like shit at work. This stupid faggot wouldn't even let me commit when i made 2 different attempts but maybe he wants me to go out slow an painful idk. I can fuckin tell you if this faggot wants that he's got something else coming. The faggot bein god.
Obviously i'm not doing well but i occasionally have brief moments of lucidity so i think there's hope , i sit around hoping i'll start my Rocky Training montage arch soon but nothing ever happens.
My whole life I just wanted to be liked an now I hate everything.
I even come on here , a forum dedicated to losers an bein sexless an feel myself out of place here or a weirdo, I can't seem to find anyone else who shares the same specific style of schizophrenic delusional self grandeur world view, Yes I acknowledge I is a pathetic loser nobody ... but i also think it's possible that i can be more. We can all be more. I wanna do so many things that it feels overwhelmingly hopeless an honestly fuckin hilarious at the same time because i look at the reality of my current situation an it is not that of any great person , I just sit back an laugh at myself.
I've been locked prisoner in my comfort zone, i am my own warden, my own rapist cell mate.
If I'm not struggling with schizophrenic self delusional thoughts of living in my own imagination reality i've created where i'm simultaneously living the quiet humble country farm life but also a powerful political an criminal underworld figure, then i'm struggling with thoughts of self loathing, depression, anger an hopelessness. I've recently decided I must be in a spiritual war with God because he is the piece of shit that made every bad thing in my life happen to me for no reason other than to relish in my suffering. I have actually come to the conclusion God must Die , I know how retarded an mentally unstable that sounds but i can't help myself an i may be losing my grip on reality an life a little, 27 an still in the same position i was in when i was 7, living underr the people that broke me mentally , completely paralyzed socially an financially, My siblings don't talk to me an i get treated like shit at work. This stupid faggot wouldn't even let me commit when i made 2 different attempts but maybe he wants me to go out slow an painful idk. I can fuckin tell you if this faggot wants that he's got something else coming. The faggot bein god.
Obviously i'm not doing well but i occasionally have brief moments of lucidity so i think there's hope , i sit around hoping i'll start my Rocky Training montage arch soon but nothing ever happens.
Last edited:
dopaminecel
