H
All my worries go away when I concentrate in a video game.
I love how time is passing.
My school and I aren't on speaking terms to say the least and why please them?
Dying is the best thing ever and I feel like now more than ever I'm ready to die, I don't have any real ambition now: Partly because all of my idols have died/gone/want to rope as well. The other reason is because I would never be able to at this point gain any friends or people I would like to call friends, at this point it's not even worth it and really all I enjoy now is listening to songs and playing games.
I've really transitioned and right now, at least after I've had a rest in the holidays; I focus my time on dominating others, especially in games, sometimes gore related, sometimes simple games you can't even imagine. I've learned I take pleasure in seeing people smaller than me and inferior to me be helpless and I like having control over their life too: I've tried this sort of thing with insects before, some I killed, some I kept alive and obviously I didn't kill the insects on purpose because I'm so kind but I do like having control in something at least. Life would be so much more satisfying once everyone was dolls, it's really an ego boost when you keep them alive and develop attachment to them and it's also pleasurable when you kill them; you know you have control, but it's better to keep it alive because your soul stays with what's alive and you don't have to face the worry of forgetting the look on their faces when you tortured them bit by bit, mental of course, because I'm talking about a video game, obviously.
During the holidays people have treated me well and I've not really missed out on anything, I've got food, entertainment, shelter etc. or at least people allowed me to have these. The entertainment part is where it feels weird, I've not really worked out this season and I feel like I've tried something, although I've only worried about my school, I don't have any real motivation to do school's crap except any ego boost and to please them, and I just don't like pleasing anyone, I regard them as morons in general; most people generally. I want others to please me because I'm in control and they should dance as I please or I would torture them or I'll feel proud of myself as I see in their eyes saying "Thank you" because I didn't torture them and let them stay alive and took good care of them. In this way only I see anyone benefitting from having kids, I consider having kids immoral in general for this, I'd rather have pets, to deprive a child of his/her desires and entertainment is just horrible, a pet doesn't need that much entertainment or education, it's better that way, and I do like the responsibility of making it stay alive, I feel this same sense of control controlling them and sometimes letting them do themselves so that they respect me and think I'm the best, so in the regard I do want to feel desired but it's while I'm in control, I don't like being the entertainer I'd rather be the audience and/or the crowd and I'd like to throw someone off stage if I feel like it.
I love how time is passing.
My school and I aren't on speaking terms to say the least and why please them?
Dying is the best thing ever and I feel like now more than ever I'm ready to die, I don't have any real ambition now: Partly because all of my idols have died/gone/want to rope as well. The other reason is because I would never be able to at this point gain any friends or people I would like to call friends, at this point it's not even worth it and really all I enjoy now is listening to songs and playing games.
I've really transitioned and right now, at least after I've had a rest in the holidays; I focus my time on dominating others, especially in games, sometimes gore related, sometimes simple games you can't even imagine. I've learned I take pleasure in seeing people smaller than me and inferior to me be helpless and I like having control over their life too: I've tried this sort of thing with insects before, some I killed, some I kept alive and obviously I didn't kill the insects on purpose because I'm so kind but I do like having control in something at least. Life would be so much more satisfying once everyone was dolls, it's really an ego boost when you keep them alive and develop attachment to them and it's also pleasurable when you kill them; you know you have control, but it's better to keep it alive because your soul stays with what's alive and you don't have to face the worry of forgetting the look on their faces when you tortured them bit by bit, mental of course, because I'm talking about a video game, obviously.
During the holidays people have treated me well and I've not really missed out on anything, I've got food, entertainment, shelter etc. or at least people allowed me to have these. The entertainment part is where it feels weird, I've not really worked out this season and I feel like I've tried something, although I've only worried about my school, I don't have any real motivation to do school's crap except any ego boost and to please them, and I just don't like pleasing anyone, I regard them as morons in general; most people generally. I want others to please me because I'm in control and they should dance as I please or I would torture them or I'll feel proud of myself as I see in their eyes saying "Thank you" because I didn't torture them and let them stay alive and took good care of them. In this way only I see anyone benefitting from having kids, I consider having kids immoral in general for this, I'd rather have pets, to deprive a child of his/her desires and entertainment is just horrible, a pet doesn't need that much entertainment or education, it's better that way, and I do like the responsibility of making it stay alive, I feel this same sense of control controlling them and sometimes letting them do themselves so that they respect me and think I'm the best, so in the regard I do want to feel desired but it's while I'm in control, I don't like being the entertainer I'd rather be the audience and/or the crowd and I'd like to throw someone off stage if I feel like it.
