I feel like I’m not meant for this world.
As a child I had a very weak heart. I hated cuss words and slurs, and I at one point considered a diet where I would avoid not just meat but even plants like potatoes that were technically alive. I was that averse to the idea of killing or causing unnecessary harm to a life.
As I’ve grown, though, I’ve become VERY jaded by the real world around me, which is plagued by everything from violence to blatant hypocrisy to unhinged, instinctual group tribalism to the inherent, deep social inequality that stems from the blackpill and genetic determism. And it’s in response to observing all this that I’ve subscribed to a social darwinist worldview based in moral pragmatism, because I firmly believe global society ought to be cleansed from the ground up in order to be reconstructed in a manner that is as free from unnecessary suffering as possible. Without eugenics and mass population purges I see no way we can permanently improve the plight of this species and Earthly life at large. For substantial long-term gain, we need A LOT of short term pain.
At the end of all of it, though, I just feel empty. I can cope through ideology or whatever the fuck as much as I want, but that childlike sense of wonder being replaced with paranoia and dread is damage that can never be undone. On the outside my heart is hardened but the soft heart of a child remains buried deep within. Having a bad childhood, struggling with severe lifelong OCD, and missing developmental milestones of course contributes to this. I just hate this world so fucking much, and though I don’t plan on killing myself I do wish I could pass peacefully in my sleep at random. I want to drift away into dreams, to disconnect from this world entirely. This planet fucking sucks and so do most people in it
As a child I had a very weak heart. I hated cuss words and slurs, and I at one point considered a diet where I would avoid not just meat but even plants like potatoes that were technically alive. I was that averse to the idea of killing or causing unnecessary harm to a life.
As I’ve grown, though, I’ve become VERY jaded by the real world around me, which is plagued by everything from violence to blatant hypocrisy to unhinged, instinctual group tribalism to the inherent, deep social inequality that stems from the blackpill and genetic determism. And it’s in response to observing all this that I’ve subscribed to a social darwinist worldview based in moral pragmatism, because I firmly believe global society ought to be cleansed from the ground up in order to be reconstructed in a manner that is as free from unnecessary suffering as possible. Without eugenics and mass population purges I see no way we can permanently improve the plight of this species and Earthly life at large. For substantial long-term gain, we need A LOT of short term pain.
At the end of all of it, though, I just feel empty. I can cope through ideology or whatever the fuck as much as I want, but that childlike sense of wonder being replaced with paranoia and dread is damage that can never be undone. On the outside my heart is hardened but the soft heart of a child remains buried deep within. Having a bad childhood, struggling with severe lifelong OCD, and missing developmental milestones of course contributes to this. I just hate this world so fucking much, and though I don’t plan on killing myself I do wish I could pass peacefully in my sleep at random. I want to drift away into dreams, to disconnect from this world entirely. This planet fucking sucks and so do most people in it
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