Water, as always, although the thing Ive realized is that if I simply had my feelings reciprocated literally I could have been a bluepilled retard like the others, or maybe I could have had some degree of understanding about the importance of looks but literally my concern growing up was how to style my hair in a cartoonish cool way (indeed it was symptomatic that something was wrong about my face) and I really didn’t suffer Inceldom till 20, when Ive met this… creature.
If my ratios where appealing and I could ve gotten with this girl, being romantical, have sex, cuddles, kisses, everything that comes from that, my brain would have rewired differently. This person typing wouldn’t exist as it is, I lost all my innocence, all my acting silly and dumb the day I realized this girl was never ever gonna love me back, no matter how hard I tried. As soon as Ive met her I started looksmaxxing without even knowing nothing about it, I just understood everything from her eyes, she was a coworker and we had 6 months of contract, and in those 6 months I was supposed to ascend my appearance enough to be loved back, but obviously I didn’t make it. And I also acted extremely ND, like retarded level ND, because I was so much captivated by her that I couldn’t contain it.
God I wish she could look at what I had to say about her if I ever died and this came to surface, how much Im obsessed with everything that I can recall about her, it’s been 4years and it feels like yesterday. I would have been the happiest mf alive, I guess thats the price I paid for knowledge after all. Im a sad retard in a room but I have all the knowledge I need to understand this world, and what I can expect from it.
How funny it is, the amount of sacrifice it took to reach the truth, the abandonment. Nothing in this world comes for free really, we are gonna die miserably and lonely but sure we got something out of this, to love and be fulfilled is just another oofy doofy cicle to breed other humans and repeat, understanding that the world revolves around looks proves how boring it can become.
Im tired of it already, to see how people react to slightly better proportions in front of them, like I want to scream at them that I already know, all the outcomes, all the behaviours, it’s like we found the source code of reality, cause we did.
If my ratios where appealing and I could ve gotten with this girl, being romantical, have sex, cuddles, kisses, everything that comes from that, my brain would have rewired differently. This person typing wouldn’t exist as it is, I lost all my innocence, all my acting silly and dumb the day I realized this girl was never ever gonna love me back, no matter how hard I tried. As soon as Ive met her I started looksmaxxing without even knowing nothing about it, I just understood everything from her eyes, she was a coworker and we had 6 months of contract, and in those 6 months I was supposed to ascend my appearance enough to be loved back, but obviously I didn’t make it. And I also acted extremely ND, like retarded level ND, because I was so much captivated by her that I couldn’t contain it.
God I wish she could look at what I had to say about her if I ever died and this came to surface, how much Im obsessed with everything that I can recall about her, it’s been 4years and it feels like yesterday. I would have been the happiest mf alive, I guess thats the price I paid for knowledge after all. Im a sad retard in a room but I have all the knowledge I need to understand this world, and what I can expect from it.
How funny it is, the amount of sacrifice it took to reach the truth, the abandonment. Nothing in this world comes for free really, we are gonna die miserably and lonely but sure we got something out of this, to love and be fulfilled is just another oofy doofy cicle to breed other humans and repeat, understanding that the world revolves around looks proves how boring it can become.
Im tired of it already, to see how people react to slightly better proportions in front of them, like I want to scream at them that I already know, all the outcomes, all the behaviours, it’s like we found the source code of reality, cause we did.
