Gyros_Pretcel
19th c. Church of Hamlossus high priest contender
★★★★★
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2018
- Posts
- 9,654
Long time no see. I wrote a lengthier text on the chat without planning to, you could say. I guess I just need to vent. Changed back to my old avi for this ocasion, maybe someone remembers my story. Context. I got essentially let's call it into a new(!) preventable medical accident due to doctors and my parents not listening which might have further crippled me for life. I live now in a facility for disabled people. I hate it, I hate my whole existence. Maybe I will use this as a stepping stone to give a longer more detailed update in the future. It's all very rambly and badly written.
I don't really feel understood even on the forum or chat. I always feel you just think, I am exaggerating, just unwilling or retarded idk. I saw pretty much a black swan event unfolding over the last 8 years without the ability to act or get help from anyone. The people in this facility now at least pretend to care, but what can I tell them? Any demand would sound ridiculous in their ears, even if they support me and not just pretend. In the end everything boils down to money anyway and I am done seeing these people dancing around me, while I am essentially dying of poverty, lack of healthcare and ostracization. I just want to chop everything and everyone into peaces and then die (in video game). I am just dragging out the situation again. Not speaking my mind openly. I could now ask the usual, why am such an anxious cuck, but well it's not that I avoid things this time, I genuinely think there is just not a point anymore and idk what to say or do. I just want it to end.
[UWSL]Very meta again. But there are so many details to this situation. Inb4[/UWSL][UWSL] noone answering here, I'll post on the forum get some stupid taunts and that's it. Idk I probably actually am kinda retarded. It's hard for me to learn anything intellectual. I just try remembering on the fly by very quickly reading everything once and the rest is improv. Can't bring myself to read a second time. Maybe my understanding of things and writing style is a bit lacking therefore. I can't write long texts for shit. honestly my weiting skill probably never surpassed 5th grade. It's always some vague metaish train of thought with a lot of redundancy. Idk I did well at least in my history finals with 13/15 points, but well, always got bad grades in german in lit interpretation due to not enough bullshitting.[/UWSL][UWSL]Kind of unrelated, but somehow also not. I simply weite very unengaging with unconjoined points on a very shallow level. [/UWSL][UWSL]I also feel like I lack the inner complexity to engage with people (normies irl) idk. Most things are pretty clear to me. Not much a point to talk about it or to engage over with people. I just "am" most of the time. But, I guess I am wrong here, because often I read something new and insightful, I just can't produce anything myself.[/UWSL]
[UWSL]Also it's not my IQ, I guess it is just ameme in the end or adhd idk.[/UWSL]
[UWSL]Hate myself for going back to posting on the forum, but I guess, I feel like needing the attention(?), which I certainly won't get in the desired fashion anyway, but I need to follow the urge and if it is just to stay away from posting again. [/UWSL]
I don't really feel understood even on the forum or chat. I always feel you just think, I am exaggerating, just unwilling or retarded idk. I saw pretty much a black swan event unfolding over the last 8 years without the ability to act or get help from anyone. The people in this facility now at least pretend to care, but what can I tell them? Any demand would sound ridiculous in their ears, even if they support me and not just pretend. In the end everything boils down to money anyway and I am done seeing these people dancing around me, while I am essentially dying of poverty, lack of healthcare and ostracization. I just want to chop everything and everyone into peaces and then die (in video game). I am just dragging out the situation again. Not speaking my mind openly. I could now ask the usual, why am such an anxious cuck, but well it's not that I avoid things this time, I genuinely think there is just not a point anymore and idk what to say or do. I just want it to end.
[UWSL]Very meta again. But there are so many details to this situation. Inb4[/UWSL][UWSL] noone answering here, I'll post on the forum get some stupid taunts and that's it. Idk I probably actually am kinda retarded. It's hard for me to learn anything intellectual. I just try remembering on the fly by very quickly reading everything once and the rest is improv. Can't bring myself to read a second time. Maybe my understanding of things and writing style is a bit lacking therefore. I can't write long texts for shit. honestly my weiting skill probably never surpassed 5th grade. It's always some vague metaish train of thought with a lot of redundancy. Idk I did well at least in my history finals with 13/15 points, but well, always got bad grades in german in lit interpretation due to not enough bullshitting.[/UWSL][UWSL]Kind of unrelated, but somehow also not. I simply weite very unengaging with unconjoined points on a very shallow level. [/UWSL][UWSL]I also feel like I lack the inner complexity to engage with people (normies irl) idk. Most things are pretty clear to me. Not much a point to talk about it or to engage over with people. I just "am" most of the time. But, I guess I am wrong here, because often I read something new and insightful, I just can't produce anything myself.[/UWSL]
[UWSL]Also it's not my IQ, I guess it is just ameme in the end or adhd idk.[/UWSL]
[UWSL]Hate myself for going back to posting on the forum, but I guess, I feel like needing the attention(?), which I certainly won't get in the desired fashion anyway, but I need to follow the urge and if it is just to stay away from posting again. [/UWSL]
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