I'd like to convey the frustration over being simply not understood by anyone.
I've realized that i was ugly at a very young age, I'd say around 8 or 9. Before that i was a very low inhib child, playing around all day, having fights and making new friends everywhere.
In my memories, the first time i had to deal with the fact i was ugly, is when i was arguing with some girl i got to know while i was on vacation, and another girl (a friend of the one i was arguing with) said something along the lines of "just stop talking with him, he's ugly!".
One of the other earliest memories is with my cousins: i have only male cousins and two of them were about my age (2 years older). The two of them were exibithing normies / chadlite traits since childhood while i was clearly the ugly little child. I was constantly reminded of that. "you are the intelligent one" my uncle said, trying to make me feel better about the fact i was the weaker and ugliest one. Another time, same uncle said "i remember you were ugly, but this haircut suits you good" (i hope that bastard gets cancer ffs, i know he was just having fun). I had another cousin which was a low tier normie (he now is married, divorced and married again), and i was constantly reminded how i was similar to him.
So, since very young age, the world decided that i had to suffer because i was ugly, and i begun to become high inhib, destroying my pictures etc etc.
One time (i was 10 i guess) i've started crying on my bed shouting that i could not stand the fact i was ugly, and my mother came and took the thing in a lighthearted way, like i was just throwing tantrums. That moment sealed the fact my life would have been a shit and i would have not even been understood by my very own mother.
The subsequent years were sorta ok, but then adolescence came in and, as all of us know, that is the worst moment. Normie kids starts to have experiences with girls while you just suck it up and shut yourself in your house playing with the computer.
For a decent span of my years (i'd say age 14~20) i've shut in myself with my parent asking me if i was gay or impotent or whatever, without me having the courage to tell them that i shut myself in my house because i was ugly.
Then i got tired and i've told them that i'm ugly, that i've tried to explain to them when i was 10 and i was mocked.
They looked me like i was saying something alien.
The problem with parents is that you can argue with them as much as you want but they will NEVER admit that, by being not attractive, your life is shit. My father was kinda a high tier normie when he was younger, while my mother... well, females cannot just comprehend ugliness. She was not ugly, too (she's 70 now and she seems a lot younger). I think i'm ugly because, don't know, my father was not ugly but is a fucking nice guy type, and a woman fucking with someone she is not really attracted too probably makes ugly guys, i don't know.
So, you talk about your problems with your parents and they pretends to not understand how the world works and when you clearly states the reasons you are ugly and what happened in your life (rejections, etc) they just pretend you're lying or they objectify with random normie thoughts. They try to make you talk with a psychiatrst, too, and deep down, at the beginning, you seriously think they can be of help.
Then you talk to some doctors, almost all females and even hot. There was this occasion my mother suggested me to talk with this fucking blonde gorgeus 29 years old girl. I just said that was a stupid idea and i've never went to her (even when i was younger i knew it was stupid). Anyways, doctors say the same things as parents while pretending to listen to you. "Sex is not everything" "You should do something else" "You will find the right one".
Then you talk to your few normie acquitances, and they say it's about your personality.
Then you talk with your ugly friend (which is my same age, also virgin and a shut-in, he doesn't even have a job) but he's full bluepill deluded mode and he thinks he's in this situation because he's "lazy". So you're not safe even by talking to other legit incels, because some of us try to armor themselves behind delusion (and i wish i'd be able to do that).
You become depressed and suicidal, but you cannot talk seriously about you think about suicide because you risk to get hospitalized (which happened to me, anyways) in a psychiatric ward among random people... horrible experience which, of course, is not of any use. Their line is "we'll keep you safe in this ward injecing your meds and then we send you to therapy" but of course something like this will never work. So you do not talk about your suicidal thoughts anymore because it's useless and also can lead you to get hospitalized. Better to hope in your house.
You talk about being ugly over the internet and, except among incel forums, you get treated like you have not a serious problem. Cucks, normies, foids, they WANT to minimize the problem because acknowledging that ugly people have no chance to "make it" despite their efforts would somehow hurt their self esteem "huh? i'm successfull just because of my luck? no way!". Normies are used to have a normal life, where they win some and lose some, and they like to believe to the narrative that they win because of their acts. Chads and foids always win, so they do not ocunt (and even then, they think they win because they are good, not because they are lucky). We ugly people are used to lose so, probably, we have a better vision of about everything works (except for cucks, but they are just deluded, they know they are garbage).
Then you start getting older and you start seeking solutions, practical solutions. Surgery is expensive and when you are just below-average in every aspect (body, face, eyes, jaw) it's just that you have to spend so much money to hope to become "normal" or being fucked. And even if you do that you keep to have (in my case) an average dick that will never satisfy a woman like you wish for.
You try to have doctors to give you testosterone replacement theraphy, but they refuse because your values are within ranges so you're "normal" and that testosterone levels are "not reliable". Holy fuck, i'm a genetic trash, at least give me a chance to improve myself through hormons (even if it probably won't work, maybe i could get less depressed by being with more testosterone).
You wish you could end your life peacefully, but society to not provide a safe way. Nembutal sites are scams, assisted suicide in switzerland is not only pricey, but you have to to through a pricey process and even that it's not certain that you obtain the "green light" by them (basically, the approval to get their treatment).
You go to job but you are depressed and ugly and you see coworkers flirting among each other.
You suffer, suffer, suffer and every day society reminds you that good looking people have it way better, yet society wants you to suck it up and believe the narrative of "get therapy, you'll be fine".
You go to gym, try to improve yourself, and you realize that due to your bad genetics your face is just too ugly for your body to compensate.
You talk to your parents again (which are now older) and, after years of discussion, they still look at you at the end of the talking and say to you "ok, why don't you go to the pool, so you can distract yourself". Holy fuck, i've spent half an hour explaining for the 893 time that being ugly sucks and you tell me to go in a pool full of prime stacies and chads and looking at them in envy?.
You try tinder (yes, i did) and your fucking pictures gets NO matches asides from bots.
You try escortcelling and this is the closest thing i had to being content. It's not love, but after a lot of searches i've managed to find this fucking gorgeus 8/10 brunette that does "massages" and everytime i go to her i'm happy. I've also found another girl, which is a 7/10, but she sucks your dick for less money than the other one and, being her a "student" that lives near my place, the entire thing seems almost real, almost that i've met a cute young student that is sucking my dick and let me cum on her small tits.
There are times i wish i had some sort of serious illness like cancer, at least i would have been taken seriously.
I've manifested the intention of killing myself for an entire life, got hospitalized many times and yet when i explain to my mother why i'm suffering she sprouts random normie things.
It is horrible, i'm happy at least forums like this exists, because i know i'm not mad.
I've realized that i was ugly at a very young age, I'd say around 8 or 9. Before that i was a very low inhib child, playing around all day, having fights and making new friends everywhere.
In my memories, the first time i had to deal with the fact i was ugly, is when i was arguing with some girl i got to know while i was on vacation, and another girl (a friend of the one i was arguing with) said something along the lines of "just stop talking with him, he's ugly!".
One of the other earliest memories is with my cousins: i have only male cousins and two of them were about my age (2 years older). The two of them were exibithing normies / chadlite traits since childhood while i was clearly the ugly little child. I was constantly reminded of that. "you are the intelligent one" my uncle said, trying to make me feel better about the fact i was the weaker and ugliest one. Another time, same uncle said "i remember you were ugly, but this haircut suits you good" (i hope that bastard gets cancer ffs, i know he was just having fun). I had another cousin which was a low tier normie (he now is married, divorced and married again), and i was constantly reminded how i was similar to him.
So, since very young age, the world decided that i had to suffer because i was ugly, and i begun to become high inhib, destroying my pictures etc etc.
One time (i was 10 i guess) i've started crying on my bed shouting that i could not stand the fact i was ugly, and my mother came and took the thing in a lighthearted way, like i was just throwing tantrums. That moment sealed the fact my life would have been a shit and i would have not even been understood by my very own mother.
The subsequent years were sorta ok, but then adolescence came in and, as all of us know, that is the worst moment. Normie kids starts to have experiences with girls while you just suck it up and shut yourself in your house playing with the computer.
For a decent span of my years (i'd say age 14~20) i've shut in myself with my parent asking me if i was gay or impotent or whatever, without me having the courage to tell them that i shut myself in my house because i was ugly.
Then i got tired and i've told them that i'm ugly, that i've tried to explain to them when i was 10 and i was mocked.
They looked me like i was saying something alien.
The problem with parents is that you can argue with them as much as you want but they will NEVER admit that, by being not attractive, your life is shit. My father was kinda a high tier normie when he was younger, while my mother... well, females cannot just comprehend ugliness. She was not ugly, too (she's 70 now and she seems a lot younger). I think i'm ugly because, don't know, my father was not ugly but is a fucking nice guy type, and a woman fucking with someone she is not really attracted too probably makes ugly guys, i don't know.
So, you talk about your problems with your parents and they pretends to not understand how the world works and when you clearly states the reasons you are ugly and what happened in your life (rejections, etc) they just pretend you're lying or they objectify with random normie thoughts. They try to make you talk with a psychiatrst, too, and deep down, at the beginning, you seriously think they can be of help.
Then you talk to some doctors, almost all females and even hot. There was this occasion my mother suggested me to talk with this fucking blonde gorgeus 29 years old girl. I just said that was a stupid idea and i've never went to her (even when i was younger i knew it was stupid). Anyways, doctors say the same things as parents while pretending to listen to you. "Sex is not everything" "You should do something else" "You will find the right one".
Then you talk to your few normie acquitances, and they say it's about your personality.
Then you talk with your ugly friend (which is my same age, also virgin and a shut-in, he doesn't even have a job) but he's full bluepill deluded mode and he thinks he's in this situation because he's "lazy". So you're not safe even by talking to other legit incels, because some of us try to armor themselves behind delusion (and i wish i'd be able to do that).
You become depressed and suicidal, but you cannot talk seriously about you think about suicide because you risk to get hospitalized (which happened to me, anyways) in a psychiatric ward among random people... horrible experience which, of course, is not of any use. Their line is "we'll keep you safe in this ward injecing your meds and then we send you to therapy" but of course something like this will never work. So you do not talk about your suicidal thoughts anymore because it's useless and also can lead you to get hospitalized. Better to hope in your house.
You talk about being ugly over the internet and, except among incel forums, you get treated like you have not a serious problem. Cucks, normies, foids, they WANT to minimize the problem because acknowledging that ugly people have no chance to "make it" despite their efforts would somehow hurt their self esteem "huh? i'm successfull just because of my luck? no way!". Normies are used to have a normal life, where they win some and lose some, and they like to believe to the narrative that they win because of their acts. Chads and foids always win, so they do not ocunt (and even then, they think they win because they are good, not because they are lucky). We ugly people are used to lose so, probably, we have a better vision of about everything works (except for cucks, but they are just deluded, they know they are garbage).
Then you start getting older and you start seeking solutions, practical solutions. Surgery is expensive and when you are just below-average in every aspect (body, face, eyes, jaw) it's just that you have to spend so much money to hope to become "normal" or being fucked. And even if you do that you keep to have (in my case) an average dick that will never satisfy a woman like you wish for.
You try to have doctors to give you testosterone replacement theraphy, but they refuse because your values are within ranges so you're "normal" and that testosterone levels are "not reliable". Holy fuck, i'm a genetic trash, at least give me a chance to improve myself through hormons (even if it probably won't work, maybe i could get less depressed by being with more testosterone).
You wish you could end your life peacefully, but society to not provide a safe way. Nembutal sites are scams, assisted suicide in switzerland is not only pricey, but you have to to through a pricey process and even that it's not certain that you obtain the "green light" by them (basically, the approval to get their treatment).
You go to job but you are depressed and ugly and you see coworkers flirting among each other.
You suffer, suffer, suffer and every day society reminds you that good looking people have it way better, yet society wants you to suck it up and believe the narrative of "get therapy, you'll be fine".
You go to gym, try to improve yourself, and you realize that due to your bad genetics your face is just too ugly for your body to compensate.
You talk to your parents again (which are now older) and, after years of discussion, they still look at you at the end of the talking and say to you "ok, why don't you go to the pool, so you can distract yourself". Holy fuck, i've spent half an hour explaining for the 893 time that being ugly sucks and you tell me to go in a pool full of prime stacies and chads and looking at them in envy?.
You try tinder (yes, i did) and your fucking pictures gets NO matches asides from bots.
You try escortcelling and this is the closest thing i had to being content. It's not love, but after a lot of searches i've managed to find this fucking gorgeus 8/10 brunette that does "massages" and everytime i go to her i'm happy. I've also found another girl, which is a 7/10, but she sucks your dick for less money than the other one and, being her a "student" that lives near my place, the entire thing seems almost real, almost that i've met a cute young student that is sucking my dick and let me cum on her small tits.
There are times i wish i had some sort of serious illness like cancer, at least i would have been taken seriously.
I've manifested the intention of killing myself for an entire life, got hospitalized many times and yet when i explain to my mother why i'm suffering she sprouts random normie things.
It is horrible, i'm happy at least forums like this exists, because i know i'm not mad.
