This might be a weak first post, but this advice is being given to people daily. In kindergarten, my teacher would constantly tell us that if we stayed to ourselves and minded our business, trouble wouldn't find us. Now, I'm sure if you apply this logic on a broader spectrum, then yeah, it makes sense. But in school, it did jack shit for me.
In my senior year, I rediscovered my love for reading when I found out about Red Rising. Outside of listening to the audiobook in my car, I would read the physical copy in my 4th-period science class. (Phones are banned in school in my state) There were these typical sports-obsessed kids who were semi near me. The kind that were always loud and thought they were on top of the world. Now, anyone who's been singled out by these creatures and ridiculed probably developed a feeling of dread whenever they heard them stop talking about their usual conversations. Because deep down you knew that one of those fucks was going to redirect all the attention to you and make fun of you.
This was nothing really new to me; I've been bullied since elementary, but it hurt a different part of me knowing that this was the legacy I was leaving behind in my last year of high school. Nothing changed. My so-called friends would die laughing at the "jokes" being thrown at me. Then come to me another day asking, "Why are you so quiet?" "Dude, this is your last year, so why do you want it to be boring?" "You feel so distant, you never text first." I'm sorry if this seems a lil sidetrack, but are these people fucking stupid? It's like their brains reset and forgot everything that happened prior. Like yeah man, I decided to distance myself for no reason. Staying to yourself doesn't do anything but show that they can get away with whatever they want with no consequence.
Then, after dealing with that, I had to go to lunch and relive it all over again. There was this asian dude named Andrew, I meant the year before that, who would constantly walk to my lunch table and just hurl insults my way. Now I will admit the insults used on me in the past stopped really affecting me in like 7th grade(at a certain point it's just unoriginal), but it's the people around hearing it that get to me. He would talk pretty loudly so the whole table would hear. I thought this dude was my friend, but he's treated me like a subhuman since the day I met him. It got to a point where I wouldn't even be at peace and would constantly look out for him. And this fucker has the audacity to reply to my reposts and say "Are you good gng?" Are you fucking retarded? Do these people think that laughing it off in hopes that they stop means you get turned on by the insults?
That teacher ruined my life. Well, not fully, but I blame my Christian upbringing for holding on to hope for this long. Lived my whole life with the fear of hell inside me, so I was always afraid to take the shortcut out. "What if God is real and I burn forever? It's not fucking fair. These people who ridiculed me are living their best lives right now, and I'm stuck here being a socially inept freak. There is no justice for people like me. Those fucks believe in the same God I thought to believe in. And you're telling me they can just repent and live on? They can repent without ever looking me in my eye and saying that they're sorry, but if I wasn't scared of hell and put an end to my suffering, I'm the bad guy? How is that fair?
In my senior year, I rediscovered my love for reading when I found out about Red Rising. Outside of listening to the audiobook in my car, I would read the physical copy in my 4th-period science class. (Phones are banned in school in my state) There were these typical sports-obsessed kids who were semi near me. The kind that were always loud and thought they were on top of the world. Now, anyone who's been singled out by these creatures and ridiculed probably developed a feeling of dread whenever they heard them stop talking about their usual conversations. Because deep down you knew that one of those fucks was going to redirect all the attention to you and make fun of you.
This was nothing really new to me; I've been bullied since elementary, but it hurt a different part of me knowing that this was the legacy I was leaving behind in my last year of high school. Nothing changed. My so-called friends would die laughing at the "jokes" being thrown at me. Then come to me another day asking, "Why are you so quiet?" "Dude, this is your last year, so why do you want it to be boring?" "You feel so distant, you never text first." I'm sorry if this seems a lil sidetrack, but are these people fucking stupid? It's like their brains reset and forgot everything that happened prior. Like yeah man, I decided to distance myself for no reason. Staying to yourself doesn't do anything but show that they can get away with whatever they want with no consequence.
Then, after dealing with that, I had to go to lunch and relive it all over again. There was this asian dude named Andrew, I meant the year before that, who would constantly walk to my lunch table and just hurl insults my way. Now I will admit the insults used on me in the past stopped really affecting me in like 7th grade(at a certain point it's just unoriginal), but it's the people around hearing it that get to me. He would talk pretty loudly so the whole table would hear. I thought this dude was my friend, but he's treated me like a subhuman since the day I met him. It got to a point where I wouldn't even be at peace and would constantly look out for him. And this fucker has the audacity to reply to my reposts and say "Are you good gng?" Are you fucking retarded? Do these people think that laughing it off in hopes that they stop means you get turned on by the insults?
That teacher ruined my life. Well, not fully, but I blame my Christian upbringing for holding on to hope for this long. Lived my whole life with the fear of hell inside me, so I was always afraid to take the shortcut out. "What if God is real and I burn forever? It's not fucking fair. These people who ridiculed me are living their best lives right now, and I'm stuck here being a socially inept freak. There is no justice for people like me. Those fucks believe in the same God I thought to believe in. And you're telling me they can just repent and live on? They can repent without ever looking me in my eye and saying that they're sorry, but if I wasn't scared of hell and put an end to my suffering, I'm the bad guy? How is that fair?
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