SuicideFuel Rotting on New Years

[LostSoulUK]

Another year rotting in bed all day in complete darkness, not slept in 24 hours yet still unable to sleep, fireworks going off around me, everyone having the time of their life partying with loved ones. Everyone optimistic about the new year, meanwhile I'm contemplating my entire existence. This is a hell I wouldn't wish on satan .

 

[NeverEvenBegan]

I coped with vidya all day today. Spent 10 minutes looking at the fireworks from my window while making small talk with my parents. Now I'll return to my vidya.

I wish I had a girlfriend I could hug and kiss at midnight. I've always thought about the New Year's Eve kiss. It's a special, once a year kiss. But I will never experience it. Paying escorts to kiss me is the closest I'll ever get.

 

[LostSoulUK]

I coped with vidya all day today. Spent 10 minutes looking at the fireworks from my window while making small talk with my parents. Now I'll return to my vidya.

I wish I had a girlfriend I could hug and kiss at midnight. I've always thought about the New Year's Eve kiss. It's a special, once a year kiss. But I will never experience it. Paying escorts to kiss me is the closest I'll ever get.

Better day than me, I don't talk to my abusive family at all. This loneliness is a pain like no other, not even a hostage of ISIS feels this lifelong torture.

 

[NeverEvenBegan]

Better day than me, I don't talk to my abusive family at all. This loneliness is a pain like no other, not even a hostage of ISIS feels this lifelong torture.

That's brutal, man

I can't imagine how hellish my existence would be without my supportive parents. They're literally all I have in this world.

 

[BPJ]

imn rotting too.

 

[LostSoulUK]

That's brutal, man

I can't imagine how hellish my existence would be without my supportive parents. They're literally all I have in this world.

I just wish I was free from my mental health issues, I've always suffered with major depression and anxiety, sleep disorder. When I'm off work I always hit rock bottom with my mental health. Sleep cycle gets reversed, asleep all day and up all night, days turn into nights, its honestly rope fuel. At least at work I'm in some form of functional routine but the holidays are hell for me.

Normal people will never understand this suffering, this mental battlefield each day, the endless loneliness. I've also suffered from domestic abuse from my mum and brother, who I had to give a statement against recently at the police station for threats made against me.

 

[LostSoulUK]

imn rotting too.

At least we can rot in spirit on here amongst fellow losers. Even with the loneliness, I'd be at peace if it wasn't for the mental health but its impossible to suffer with loneliness without some form of mental disorder, typically clinical depression and anxiety, they all co-exist to make us a prisoner of our own mind. I've just dragged my arse out of bed for the 1st time all day, its 11pm. I'm a fuckin train wreck, haven't washed in days, rooms a mess and my head is about to implode. Only us sufferers truly appreciate this mental torture.

 

[NeverEvenBegan]

I just wish I was free from my mental health issues, I've always suffered with major depression and anxiety, sleep disorder. When I'm off work I always hit rock bottom with my mental health. Sleep cycle gets reversed, asleep all day and up all night, days turn into nights, its honestly rope fuel. At least at work I'm in some form of functional routine but the holidays are hell for me.

Normal people will never understand this suffering, this mental battlefield each day, the endless loneliness. I've also suffered from domestic abuse from my mum and brother, who I had to give a statement against recently at the police station for threats made against me.

At least moggs me by having a job

 

[LostSoulUK]

At least moggs me by having a job

I only work part time in a school, but it brings its own hell as I don't fit in with staff and I'm often ignored and treated with contempt which alludes to being an introverted manlet with a big nose.

Would you ever consider volunteering or studying, even 1 day a week volunteering in something of interest will give you some sense of purpose to hold onto. That's how I started out, I volunteered 1 day a week then volunteered again elsewhere and eventually got opportunities to work in schools, I had to overcome interviews with headteachers. It shows that if you have experience even volunteering it will give you a foundation to impress potential employers. Not that I make enough regardless, I don't earn anywhere near enough to survive on.

 

[FunkyMonk]

I only work part time in a school, but it brings its own hell as I don't fit in with staff and I'm often ignored and treated with contempt which alludes to being an introverted manlet with a big nose.

Would you ever consider volunteering or studying, even 1 day a week volunteering in something of interest will give you some sense of purpose to hold onto. That's how I started out, I volunteered 1 day a week then volunteered again elsewhere and eventually got opportunities to work in schools, I had to overcome interviews with headteachers. It shows that if you have experience even volunteering it will give you a foundation to impress potential employers. Not that I make enough regardless, I don't earn anywhere near enough to survive on.

I'm surprised you got lucky with the volunteering experience to get your foot in the door.

Back when I was naive and deluded, I did voluntary work 3 days a week during my unemployment. Didn't get me far in terms of employment and resume so I stopped doing it.

 

[LostSoulUK]

I'm surprised you got lucky with the volunteering experience to get your foot in the door.

Back when I was naive and deluded, I did voluntary work 3 days a week during my unemployment. Didn't get me far in terms of employment and resume so I stopped doing it.

Thanks, I've had many other volunteering that didn't go so well and led nowhere but failure. One time I volunteered in an office for a year taking calls, referring people, but my punctuality was all over the place, often 10 minutes late, So 2 of the managers called my arse into the office to relieve me of my duties without a reference.

This other 1 I proved myself and got volunteer of the month supporting kids in a service. I proved myself supporting a kid with complex needs in another 1 previous to that. So this led to interviews, I was cross examined by headteachers and other senior management of schools which was intense, I've had to excel in a few of these intense interviews. Then I proved myself by safeguarding 25+ children each day often from my own initiative. Which then led to another role at a school providing learning support in classrooms amongst other duties. I still don't earn enough as I'm only on a part time contract so I'm actively looking for other roles.

Problem is I'd have to get my arse up at 7am which is a struggle with my insomnia. I still don't know where I'm heading in life, I've always been lost in life hence the username, it gives me some purpose but it's not enough to mask the despair and loneliness I deal with everyday and I've never fitted in socially anywhere.

 

[proudweeb]

im drinkin a tall boy of some hipster beer and checkin up on muh jewball scores

 

[THE TRUE DIGLET]

I don't talk to my abusive family at all

I am starting to head down that path

 

[LostSoulUK]

I am starting to head down that path

Sorry to hear that, at least its reassuring to know we're not the only ones suffering on here. A community of fellow sufferers in life, not just male loneliness but mental health, abuse, amongst other complex issues in society.

im drinkin a tall boy of some hipster beer and checkin up on muh jewball scores

I'm kinda envious of pissedcels because at least you have a vice to take the edge of somewhat. I don't drink, very rarely if I'm in a pub which is rare. The initial buzz of alcohol is a sense of false hope before the inevitable crash and it hits harder after a drink. I've noticed my depression is somehow worse after a drink which I didn't think possible as I'm already rock bottom. I miss dancing, and drinking enables that free spirit as it lowers your inhibitions. If I drink it's usually half pints of beer, half fruit ciders. I hate spirits but someone always buys that shot which tastes like fuckin acid.

 

[WeirdoDesperado]

I coped with vidya all day today. Spent 10 minutes looking at the fireworks from my window while making small talk with my parents. Now I'll return to my vidya.

I even closed my blinds and curtains so I don't even have to watch sexhaver's fireworks.

 

[LostSoulUK]

Happy New Year, 1 year closer to death, cheers

 

[Bastardily]

Always the worst night of the year.

 

[ThriveWithKill]

My Oneitis gets fucked while I sit here and rot.

 

[Phosphorus]

Always the worst night of the year.

 

[Phosphorus]

Rope seems like a good option rn.

 

[LostSoulUK]

Always the worst night of the year.

ye it's 1 big party that we're not invited, the FOMO effect is in full force on this day. Usually Sunday's are a brief respite from the torturous weekend but not today.

My Oneitis gets fucked while I sit here and rot.

Brutal, not even copes can mask that deep sense of shame

Rope seems like a good option rn.

by the flashing christmas lights around the christmas tree

 

[curryceldesi]

coping with vidya also

 

[SlayerSlayer]

It would be awesome to smash a beer bottle over random foids heads.

 

[BornToLose]

Just become alcoholic theory.

 

[BornToLose]

In all seriousness it boggles my mind that you can sleep well when you HAVE work to go to.

 

[LostSoulUK]

In all seriousness it boggles my mind that you can sleep well when you HAVE work to go to.

I've been off work over the holidays so I sleep all day, but even when I'm at work I don't sleep until 5-6am, I'm often going to work on little to no sleep

 

[yung loner]

I can't imagine how hellish my existence would be without my supportive parents. They're literally all I have in this world.

Same man many here don’t even have that so I’m grateful

 

[BornToLose]

but even when I'm at work I don't sleep until 5-6am, I'm often going to work on little to no sleep

That's so brutal dude. When I used to work I worked in hospitality just so I could sleep in.

 

[LostSoulUK]

That's so brutal dude. When I used to work I worked in hospitality just so I could sleep in.

ye I don't even start till afternoon yet still struggle to get up. I'd still take this over working in a factory or care home as those were the most brutal jobs I've tried. Literally scraping cake off pans for 10 hours until 6am, they move you around onto other production lines. I did a month in that which was more than enough, I don't know how people work intensive labour jobs

 

[Autistic Uggo]

All I've done is drink and play vidya. Same as I did last year.

 

[curryboy420]

Lots of people are having a shit new years this year. The UK is a poverty shithole of haves Vs have- nots and the have- nots is a pretty big margin right now.

Obviously there is a large majority of the country who are enjoying today but there's millions like us nowadays with no gfs and no money and no friends it makes me feel a bit better knowing that

 

[Qwertyuiop99]

I will be wageslaving

 

[Friday I'm In Love]

This is a hell