LifeFuel My vengeance (And auto-mutilation/suicidal thoughts)

[Anincelmuse]

Life is getting harder every day, yet I’ve abandoned my idea of killing myself in a few days.
Instead, I’ll just have to stay for a few more months, for vengeance’s sake.

Yesterday, it got to a point where I couldn’t handle it. I was crying in pain, loneliness, rage, missing the last girl that rejected me. I was punching myself from frustration. I ended up taking a knife and started cutting my right forearm’s skin, crying, thinking about her and how she rejected me. I miss this foid. Eventually, the physical pain was vivid enough to decrease the psychological one and made me better for a moment.
Why do I have to suffer like this ? Why are the ways I have been rejected so hurtful ?

A new plan formed in my head, I just need time, I’ll just have to stay alive for a bit more.
From the age of 8, my mom suggested to only ask for money for my birthday and Christmas, since I was so indecisive when it came to the gift I wanted.
Since then I only ask for money and sometimes spent it. I also worked during summer jobs when I was 15 and 17.
Now that I am 18, I have a consequential amount of money from what I have saved up. I also have access to a backup « account » that is the triple of what I have saved during all those years (where my parents placed 50€ every months).
I can’t use all the money on it though because of the interest rates on this backup and I know my parents would be angry if I take a huge loan off of it.

For the next two months, instead of going to university (I don’t want to learn shitty theory and the jobs it could lead me too aren’t interesting to me anymore), I’ll drop out and get employed. I’ll try to combine 2 jobs (one 5/7 days a week and a part time job that makes me work the weekend) so I can work 7 days/week.
In two months, I should have more than enough to afford a great quality surgery and some fillers while insuring I dont take more than 1000€ from my backup bank account.
IF DONE CORRECTLY SO IT LOOKS NATURAL after the recovery, I may be overly optimistic but it could make a significant impact on my attractiveness.
THERE COMES THE VENGEANCE : abusing girls mentally. Hopefully I’ll be able to get in relationships, and I’ll mentally damage the girls I end up with as much as I can.
They made me suffer, now it will be their turn.

Then I’ll take out my life. It has been unbearable lately. I’ve tried getting help from 3 different therapist (I’m still hoping that even if it is cope talking to someone, and not writing online, about my problems could make me feel slightly better) but got no responses/appointements. During some days, I even think it would be better to end it now and I’m questioning if I can ever last until early January of 2026. I never wanted to get into a relationship where I’m abusing someone mentally, but I feel like the damage has been done. I only wanted to give sweet genuine love and be loved back in the same way, it has been my only reason to live for the previous years, but I’ve only been met back with terrible heartbreaking, skin scarring, suicide inducing humiliating rejections.

I will not go ER. I’m too scared of it. I wouldn’t have the courage to shoot people. Plus guns access is impossible for a regular civilian like me in my country.

See ya in the next one,
Anincelmuse

 

[losersharpie20]

I'm sorry to hear. It's getting worse, staceys are cruel. Hang in there.

 

[EcstasyCel]

Surgery-ing your way out of inceldom is nearly impossible though.

 

[Anincelmuse]

Surgery-ing your way out of inceldom is nearly impossible though.

Let me be the exception.

 

[BlackPilledNormi]

Sounds like interesting plan, I hope you succed.
Do you already have a specific plan on how to lead the relationship?

 

[Anincelmuse]

Sounds like interesting plan, I hope you succed.
Do you already have a specific plan on how to lead the relationship?

Thank you for the support, about the relationships, I haven't though about it, right now I'm just focused on gaining enough money and search a good surgeon. Hopefully I'll go under the knife in early November.

 

[terrydavis]

if you ascend you should copy summer from the movie 500 days of summer js friendzone a foid occasionally make out with her gaslight her etc its easier if you watch the movie I cant rly explain it well but yeah just copy her and go for less attractive foids like ones more or less below your league they get attached more easily and if she gets mad at you js try to make her feel bad abt herself by saying stuff like yeah ive been depressed recently etc make it a bit subtle oh yeah heres the kicker if she wants to leave just threaten suicide this only works if she has alot of empathy obv and make sure to give hints along the way that ur depressed but you will see along the way what kind of person she is, hope this helps with your plans imo making her question if its a real relationship works rly well and making her feel like she doesnt deserve better is key also what a friend of mine often does to make his gf feel bad is js like whenever shes sick make fun of her looks and stuff and js point out her insecurities and allat and shes still with him so it works.

 

[BlackPilledNormi]

Thank you for the support, about the relationships, I haven't though about it, right now I'm just focused on gaining enough money and search a good surgeon. Hopefully I'll go under the knife in early November.

Did you thaught about dark triadmaxxin?