Let me preface this by saying that I was never the type to contract "oneitis" because I really didn't orbit girls or go out of my way to talk/message them within high school or College. Sure I had some crushes and stuff like everyone did but I don't think it ever rose to the level of having oneitis. This was quite an usual scenario. I guess it's the appropriate term to describe her.
Unfortunately there's no saga to follow like other's stories because I didn't post them here maybe I should have idk. Tbh she was almost exactly like me in many ways.
Gone are the days of having delusional fantasies of one day hugging her, kissing her, cuddling with her, holding hands, etc. Sitting in bed imagining her grabbing onto me and grabbing onto my pillow imagining it was her. No longer will I think up something witty/funny to say in an attempt to make her laugh/smile only for it to completely fall on deaf ears due to her rampant autism (lol
). Nor will I get roped into watching some old, convoluted anime (LOTGH) with her whilst I try desperately to balance watching the anime and keeping up with her messages expressing pure exuberance at every other scene (also lol
). Nor will I watch any anime with her again.
Never again will I wake up at 4 AM to desperately check my phone to see what she had sent me in the morning. I take that back in fact. I'd imagine I'll still wake up at 4 AM and check it desperately wishing for it to pop on the screen being disappointed every time. At least until my brain overwrites the conditioning that somehow occurred to make me wake up at the time.
Despite exchanging goodbyes I'm still checking my phone desperately hoping for a message. I've even picked it up and started beginning to message her a few times only to stop. And the tears. Boy have they've been rolling down even now as a type this. It's been
two hours. I guess I'm far more pathetic than I thought.
Goodbye... I guess. You know you could've waited a day or two so I didn't end up a miserable sobbing twat on Easter lol.
