(i dont feel like fixing the spelling mistakes)
I keep a diary because I am lonely, I speak to myself there and write my opinions of people and everything there. It gives me comfort in this loneliness, but I feel like there is two of me. Every 5 minutes my mind completely changes and I moves on, its like time is being skipped. I could spend so much time working hard or focusing on one thing then all of a sudden ill just stop, almost like I subconsciously know there is no point to it and move on. My psychiatrist told me I am a lot more disorganized than the last time he saw me, but honestly I feel like I became more organized. I am seriously feeling fine and content with myself but everyone keeps saying there's something wrong with me. Time is passing so fast but I'm sort of grateful for it because it helps me get over all the friendships I lost in my life and every action I have done in the past. I don't know myself as a person, like I surprise my own self with my thoughts. Its like I'm on auto pilot with my body, every action I take surprises even me. I dont know its becoming kinda bad again, the more I'm this me i just feel uncomfortable. Iwas doing so well I dont know what happened, days are going by so quickly I dont even get to process how I managed to lose a friend each week or two these past few months. I dont know if im upset, even the conversations we had before them leaving my lives feel blurry because I was just on auto pilot. Sometimes I try to go back in my mind or through or messages, the way I spoke and my choice of words surprise me like I didnt expect myself to say any of that, like I was a completely differne tperson. This entire world is so fucking boring, thinking about this world has recently only made my stomach turn. I just want to puke, Im sitting away from people because I feel disgusting. I dont know hwy anymore btu lately I only have been managing todissapoint myself, I was doing so well (or so thought) but i cant find the motivation for anything at all btu I really am trying hard to keep up with evryone aroudn me. Im just sleeping my life away, my dreams are becoming more vivid and real everyday that sometimes i confuse them with memories. Honestly I dont care anymore because its funny that way, eveyrthing can just blend all together while hours go by without me even realizing it.
I dont know if tehre is something wrong with me, I never thought there was but everyone in m ylife has atlaest once pointed out that something isnt rigth wit me. Can they just leave me alone? Whenever I point out how they are attackking me, all of a sudden im delusional and think those people dislike me and its all in my head. ITS NOT ALL IN MY HEAD, I lost all those friends because I showed them my true self, in some shape or form they kinda told me that I needed help and that I have issues. I managed to bring out a side of them that I never expected, it was worth it even if it deems all the memories we made together as worthless
I keep a diary because I am lonely, I speak to myself there and write my opinions of people and everything there. It gives me comfort in this loneliness, but I feel like there is two of me. Every 5 minutes my mind completely changes and I moves on, its like time is being skipped. I could spend so much time working hard or focusing on one thing then all of a sudden ill just stop, almost like I subconsciously know there is no point to it and move on. My psychiatrist told me I am a lot more disorganized than the last time he saw me, but honestly I feel like I became more organized. I am seriously feeling fine and content with myself but everyone keeps saying there's something wrong with me. Time is passing so fast but I'm sort of grateful for it because it helps me get over all the friendships I lost in my life and every action I have done in the past. I don't know myself as a person, like I surprise my own self with my thoughts. Its like I'm on auto pilot with my body, every action I take surprises even me. I dont know its becoming kinda bad again, the more I'm this me i just feel uncomfortable. Iwas doing so well I dont know what happened, days are going by so quickly I dont even get to process how I managed to lose a friend each week or two these past few months. I dont know if im upset, even the conversations we had before them leaving my lives feel blurry because I was just on auto pilot. Sometimes I try to go back in my mind or through or messages, the way I spoke and my choice of words surprise me like I didnt expect myself to say any of that, like I was a completely differne tperson. This entire world is so fucking boring, thinking about this world has recently only made my stomach turn. I just want to puke, Im sitting away from people because I feel disgusting. I dont know hwy anymore btu lately I only have been managing todissapoint myself, I was doing so well (or so thought) but i cant find the motivation for anything at all btu I really am trying hard to keep up with evryone aroudn me. Im just sleeping my life away, my dreams are becoming more vivid and real everyday that sometimes i confuse them with memories. Honestly I dont care anymore because its funny that way, eveyrthing can just blend all together while hours go by without me even realizing it.
I dont know if tehre is something wrong with me, I never thought there was but everyone in m ylife has atlaest once pointed out that something isnt rigth wit me. Can they just leave me alone? Whenever I point out how they are attackking me, all of a sudden im delusional and think those people dislike me and its all in my head. ITS NOT ALL IN MY HEAD, I lost all those friends because I showed them my true self, in some shape or form they kinda told me that I needed help and that I have issues. I managed to bring out a side of them that I never expected, it was worth it even if it deems all the memories we made together as worthless
