Im going to be 20 years old soon, and i cant seem to wrap my head around the fact that i will never ever be loved.
Its destroying me from the inside out. To learn that im too ugly to ever have friends. To ever get a girlfriend. To ever even have sex without paying for it.
I wanted so badly to have a megafaggot group of friends like they always have on TV. Think like SheRa, OnePiece, Etc. i grew up very lonely and always thought that i could climb my way into being loved.
My parents loved my chad older brother with a perfect jawling and perfect cheekbones. But when it came to me it was always too little too late. They gave me attention after i failed to take my own life, but never love.
They never wanted to be around me.
I tried turning my life around. Being a better person. I hit the gym consistently and main gains. Not model tier. Just far above average. I got a higher paying job. I started reading non fiction and im even almost consistently meditating.
But it still isnt enough. When my brother exists I don’t. But even when im alone the world treats me like garbage. Like im invisible. Like im doing something wrong by trying to climb out of this.
I know women hate men with morals, and love serial killers and such. So ive been trying to be more evil. Im trying to watch sick porn. Gore videos. Whatever i can to turn my moral alignment into something more desirable…
But i just can’t. Im too far into trying to be “good” to be desirable. So i cant darktriadmaxx. Im too ugly to be anything more to a woman than free attention.
Last night i put on almost 1lb of jewelry, and went out at night to hit on women. I spent an hour talking to a woman who lives a block from me, and when i asked for her number she said i can get her fucking email. But my brother never gets rejected like that. Women even approach him.
Im a genetic deformity. A mistake. I want to take my own life. I’d say i want to go ER, but i cant even watch sick porn. Let alone hurt other people. Im fucking worthless.
Its destroying me from the inside out. To learn that im too ugly to ever have friends. To ever get a girlfriend. To ever even have sex without paying for it.
I wanted so badly to have a megafaggot group of friends like they always have on TV. Think like SheRa, OnePiece, Etc. i grew up very lonely and always thought that i could climb my way into being loved.
My parents loved my chad older brother with a perfect jawling and perfect cheekbones. But when it came to me it was always too little too late. They gave me attention after i failed to take my own life, but never love.
They never wanted to be around me.
I tried turning my life around. Being a better person. I hit the gym consistently and main gains. Not model tier. Just far above average. I got a higher paying job. I started reading non fiction and im even almost consistently meditating.
But it still isnt enough. When my brother exists I don’t. But even when im alone the world treats me like garbage. Like im invisible. Like im doing something wrong by trying to climb out of this.
I know women hate men with morals, and love serial killers and such. So ive been trying to be more evil. Im trying to watch sick porn. Gore videos. Whatever i can to turn my moral alignment into something more desirable…
But i just can’t. Im too far into trying to be “good” to be desirable. So i cant darktriadmaxx. Im too ugly to be anything more to a woman than free attention.
Last night i put on almost 1lb of jewelry, and went out at night to hit on women. I spent an hour talking to a woman who lives a block from me, and when i asked for her number she said i can get her fucking email. But my brother never gets rejected like that. Women even approach him.
Im a genetic deformity. A mistake. I want to take my own life. I’d say i want to go ER, but i cant even watch sick porn. Let alone hurt other people. Im fucking worthless.
