My whole life ever since I can remember I have had this strange feeling that I would end up alone I used to have nightmares about it when I was still a child my whole family home was full of life everyone was talking and happy my parents or our friends were spending time with me in that nightmare and then I would leave the room and suddenly an ordinary feeling of loneliness would come the lights would go out I could not go back inside and I felt physically terrified isolated and rejected or in another dream even though the whole house was full of family members they would suddenly disappear or be asleep and I could not wake them up and once again the feeling of loneliness and being rejected would come back I always felt the same inner pain as in those nightmares when I walked at night and saw lights and people in the windows of other houses except that the pain is extremely intense it feels like a powerful pain in my chest and it almost causes what feels like a panic attack it is a piercing pain that I can feel very physically and painfully In contrast whenever I was the one on the other side of the window inside the house with the lights and people I always felt a deep warm comforting feeling I also get that same comforting feeling when my house is messy and there are things everywhere because of that I also really like when the computer is turned on even if nobody is using it and it is only softly lighting up the room I have always loved playing WoW because it gave me that same warm feeling there were so many players so many details and everything there felt like it was alive Because of this I have always had trouble trusting people every betrayal has hurt me for years every friend who left me even friends from childhood when we were just stupid kids still hurts me to this day Every time I have heard that I was not wanted somewhere I still remember it to this day and every single day I feel the same pain
Do any of you feel this too What should I do about it Is there any hope It is becoming harder and harder for me to live with this What could be causing it I do not think I even remember the event that started it all
Do any of you feel this too What should I do about it Is there any hope It is becoming harder and harder for me to live with this What could be causing it I do not think I even remember the event that started it all
