Sheogorath
Paragon
★★★★★
- Joined
- May 20, 2018
- Posts
- 19,842
I know the only way society will embrace my pursuit of this dream is if I become a mohel, but I am not confident I will be able to learn enough Hebrew to pass the Rabbinicist examination.
Also I am worried that I will get distracted from paying attention to my subtle beard sensations tickling that scrotum when I am forced to put a baby's bleeding penis inside my mouth.
I realize there is a heretic minority of unorthodox pseudoRabbis who suck the blood into their mouths via a straw instead of by putting their mouths around the penis, and I would be open to do that to avoid having the gay fellatio distract me from paying attention to the subtle beard sensations of the scrotum tickle...
But the problem with that is since the straw is so long, it puts your chin a further distance away from the baby's bleeding penis AND further away from the baby's scrotum.
I realize if you had a very long beard you could still use it to tickle the baby's scrotum despite your jaw being separated from the baby's bleeding groin by a long straw, but I am not confident my beard is long enough.
Do you think if I doubled my mohel beard from 9 inches to 18 inches that it would be long enough to compensate for that added distance and give the scrotum-tickling that I dream it giving whilst having the slightly less distracting duty of straw-suckling the baby's penis blood instead of mouth-suckling it?
I realize I would probably go to Yahweh-Hell by breaking with tradition because the Oral Torah mandates that Mohels put their mouths around the bleeding penises of baby boys but I'm an atheist so I'm not worried about that.
All I care is to have an excuse to tickle baby balls with my rock-hard beard, and it seems like perhaps there would be enough tolerance for straw-using unorthodox mohels that it would be considered socially acceptable despite it's deviation from Oral Torah.
Also I am worried that I will get distracted from paying attention to my subtle beard sensations tickling that scrotum when I am forced to put a baby's bleeding penis inside my mouth.
I realize there is a heretic minority of unorthodox pseudoRabbis who suck the blood into their mouths via a straw instead of by putting their mouths around the penis, and I would be open to do that to avoid having the gay fellatio distract me from paying attention to the subtle beard sensations of the scrotum tickle...
But the problem with that is since the straw is so long, it puts your chin a further distance away from the baby's bleeding penis AND further away from the baby's scrotum.
I realize if you had a very long beard you could still use it to tickle the baby's scrotum despite your jaw being separated from the baby's bleeding groin by a long straw, but I am not confident my beard is long enough.
Do you think if I doubled my mohel beard from 9 inches to 18 inches that it would be long enough to compensate for that added distance and give the scrotum-tickling that I dream it giving whilst having the slightly less distracting duty of straw-suckling the baby's penis blood instead of mouth-suckling it?
I realize I would probably go to Yahweh-Hell by breaking with tradition because the Oral Torah mandates that Mohels put their mouths around the bleeding penises of baby boys but I'm an atheist so I'm not worried about that.
All I care is to have an excuse to tickle baby balls with my rock-hard beard, and it seems like perhaps there would be enough tolerance for straw-using unorthodox mohels that it would be considered socially acceptable despite it's deviation from Oral Torah.