Brutal I need to know if I've gone insane

[bigantennaemay1]

As I had posted in another thread:

I want to know I'm still sane, I still have hope of pulling through. But it's getting hard, man; I'm believing some really crazy shit, all cope, and yet, I truly, honestly believe it. Without any evidence. Am I... am I a god? Stuck in a mortal body? And what for? As punishment? Do the other gods hate me? Or am I just the reincarnation of a Nazi war general, whose perspective I once dreamt from, as I was discussing war plans in a dimly lit room? Are the white-eyed demons a very real manifestion of my worst nightmares who live in another dimension, perpendicular to our own, and if I let my guard down, they'll pop from the shadows and pull me through, to torture me for all eternity? Are other people, potentially... telepathic? I've been keeping up a "shield" of sorts, around my mind for many years, to keep prying probes from getting into my brain thoughts. But I have to maintain the shield by thinking about it constantly, or it goes away. I don't want people reading my mind, man.

Or did my mind just crack from the sheer loneliness of my existence that these crazy, whacko ideas popped into my head, and I believed them because they were there!

And I believe all that shit. Why? What is wrong with me? I also believe that, after I die, I'll get my powers back; that I'll return to something I was before this life. And I'll get my revenge on the other gods. Why do I believe this? Where did this shit come from? What sort of cope is this? What if the white-eyed demons are real, and are actually hunting me? What do they want from me? Shit freaks me out, man. I think they can use mirrors as doors between dimensions. I've been terrified of mirrors my entire life. Hate 'em. Who knows what's lurking in them, they're so deceptive, looks like they have so much depth, but you reach out only to be stopped by reality. I remember when I was very young, I was misbehaving, and my parents sent me to their room, instead of my own, and rolled out a sleeping bag on the floor and told me to sleep. But there was a giant mirror in their room, and it terrified me. I remember I broke down crying, and my parents couldn't make me stop, until they moved me back to my own room, mirror-free.

I get scared when my father yells. He yells angrily at the dog sometimes, and I freeze up, and all my nerves sting and tingle. No matter what I'm doing at the time, whether it's watching youtube, playing vidya, listening to music, whatever, I shrivel up inside, and I have to stop what I'm doing, turn the lights off, and huddle up in a corner of my room. Why do I do this? What is wrong with me?

Why do I believe that other people can read my mind if I don't constantly keep up a mental shield against their probing? It's always felt like people could invade my mind like an open book, and brainwash me or control me, remotely, like a puppet. Please be honest, I must know if I'm going insane:

How critically broken am I?

 

[PLA1092]

What white-eyed demons?

 

[bigantennaemay1]

What white-eyed demons?

The ones that stalk me from my dreams. The ones I can feel on the other side of shadows. I have nightmares of them all the time; they hunt me down, and they're shapeshifters. Sometimes, they take the form of people I know. But if I catch their eyes just right, I can see their true eyes: completely white, pale as the moon, and glowing with a soft, dim white light. A light that burns into your very soul. When they're just themselves, and not assuming someone or something else's form, most of them are humanoid, but some are animalistic. And some are just morbid horrors. I remember one time, a giant, brutish dog, like a truck-sized pitbull, was chasing me down the highway, while I was riding with my family. This thing was in its true form: its signature white eyes were glowing brightly, for all to see. And I was sitting in the back of the van, and this thing comes running up, and CHOMP! takes a bite and rips the whole back of the van off. I'm grabbing on to the back seat of the van, holding on for dear life, and this thing is keeping up with the vehicle at highway speeds. It lunges in for an attack, and I remember it grabbing my legs. It hurt a lot. I remember when I woke up from that one, both my legs were sore. That's a bit of weird coincidence, isn't it? Or what if it isn't a coincidence?

 

[PLA1092]

The ones that stalk me from my dreams. The ones I can feel on the other side of shadows. I have nightmares of them all the time; they hunt me down, and they're shapeshifters. Sometimes, they take the form of people I know. But if I catch their eyes just right, I can see their true eyes: completely white, pale as the moon, and glowing with a soft, dim white light. A light that burns into your very soul. When they're just themselves, and not assuming someone or something else's form, most of them are humanoid, but some are animalistic. And some are just morbid horrors. I remember one time, a giant, brutish dog, like a truck-sized pitbull, was chasing me down the highway, while I was riding with my family. This thing was in its true form: its signature white eyes were glowing brightly, for all to see. And I was sitting in the back of the van, and this thing comes running up, and CHOMP! takes a bite and rips the whole back of the van off. I'm grabbing on to the back seat of the van, holding on for dear life, and this thing is keeping up with the vehicle at highway speeds. It lunges in for an attack, and I remember it grabbing my legs. It hurt a lot. I remember when I woke up from that one, both my legs were sore. That's a bit of weird coincidence, isn't it? Or what if it isn't a coincidence?

 

[ShadowSunshine88]

As I had posted in another thread:



And I believe all that shit. Why? What is wrong with me? I also believe that, after I die, I'll get my powers back; that I'll return to something I was before this life. And I'll get my revenge on the other gods. Why do I believe this? Where did this shit come from? What sort of cope is this? What if the white-eyed demons are real, and are actually hunting me? What do they want from me? Shit freaks me out, man. I think they can use mirrors as doors between dimensions. I've been terrified of mirrors my entire life. Hate 'em. Who knows what's lurking in them, they're so deceptive, looks like they have so much depth, but you reach out only to be stopped by reality. I remember when I was very young, I was misbehaving, and my parents sent me to their room, instead of my own, and rolled out a sleeping bag on the floor and told me to sleep. But there was a giant mirror in their room, and it terrified me. I remember I broke down crying, and my parents couldn't make me stop, until they moved me back to my own room, mirror-free.

I get scared when my father yells. He yells angrily at the dog sometimes, and I freeze up, and all my nerves sting and tingle. No matter what I'm doing at the time, whether it's watching youtube, playing vidya, listening to music, whatever, I shrivel up inside, and I have to stop what I'm doing, turn the lights off, and huddle up in a corner of my room. Why do I do this? What is wrong with me?

Why do I believe that other people can read my mind if I don't constantly keep up a mental shield against their probing? It's always felt like people could invade my mind like an open book, and brainwash me or control me, remotely, like a puppet. Please be honest, I must know if I'm going insane:

How critically broken am I?

Relatable

 

[Fallenleaves]

 

[bigantennaemay1]

Wow, kinda wish I didn't admit all that.

This is why you don't do drugs, kids!