SuicideFuel I have Come to an Extremely Disturbing Conclusion About Myself and My Life (Plz Read)

[The Abyss]

Makes sense, socializing is a skill that takes practice to master unless you're good looking (other ppl will do all the effort then) or a psychopath 'cos you just don't give a fuck.

Later you come across as "off" to others so they won't give you the benefit of the doubt and you're gonna have a hard time pulling it off unless you pretend to be some happy optimistic person. But then really you're just a jester entertaining others for what?

On the one hand I'd like a social circle but on the other I just want to be left alone, childhoods are far too different and listening to ppl waffle on about their holidays/kids/boring job/mainstream event of the moment is dull as fuck. Try and talk about some real shit and they're either clueless or it makes them feel uncomfortable.

Personally I've noticed that normies dislike talking about something they're clueless about; maybe they're scared of coming across as dumb? I like hearing about stuff I know nothing off, I see it as an opportunity to learn something.

 

[Krokodil]

Here is the primary obstacle to developing later life social circles assuming your are ugly as an incel ought to be: the first friend you make is often due to consistent exposure due to some circumstance that allows them to get to know you in spite of your looks. The rub happens when they introduce you to their other friends. Those other friends are only going to have their first impression of you. You maybe get a point for being friends of friend, as in they'll try to get along with you, being friendly enough, but you will notice a general lack of interest and subtle awkwardness if they try to force your integration into the group. God help if the group is mixed sex and there was any possible expectation that you were to be set up with on of the foids. She will go the extra distance in rejecting you in as many subtle and socially acceptable ways as possible that are both impossible to ignore by everyone in the group, but no one will want to say orl do anything to end your suffering.

Anyways, there is an answer to the socialization question for incels and it is in community service and volunteering. Everyone that reads that will likely blow it off, like I have for the last two decades, but it is the truth for those of us who have nothing material that others want. All you have to offer others is your service, so give your service to those most in need. They will in tern give genuine praise, gratitude and admiration. You will say it isn't the same thing as being Chad or whatever, but it doesn't matter, you subconscious mind doesn't care what you think about it, it will just pick up that other humans are validating your existence and you will feel somewhat better about being alive in spite of your best efforts to tear yourself down over your looks and status.

Interesting read, right here. I suggest to OP to try this, and couple this with charisma training.

There's a book called "The Charisma Myth" that trains you in obtaining a more likable personality. There's also an online program called "The Charisma Matrix." Follow the steps in these programs and put them into practice at the volunteering events.

 

[Anger]

Fuck I know how you feel bro, I'm in a similar experience right now, somehow I just forgot how to socialize with another human beings because I was a social reclusive literally from the start and because I'm ugly of course. It all started since the day I was born, I was raised by a single mother who never taught me how to interact with another human beings, so I expended most of my days playing with my DS and the only social interactions I was given were in school where I never learned how to do it properly. When I was 9 my parents bought me a PC and things only got worse, I became a social reclusive to the core, I couldn't understand people because I never interacted with them, I had a very few friends for sure but even then I just couldn't understand how to connect with them, because I preferred to talk about things outside personal themes such as videogames and anime, so I just used them to discuss those things rather than making actual friends, and so I lived like this literally all my life and at this point the damage is done and there is nothing I can do about it

 

[Deleted member 1252]

This is bluepilled, sorry dude. I was a social kid, and a social teenager, and a social young man in his 20s. I’m not an aspie, I’m witty and a good conversationist. I never got any foids because I’m an ugly manlet. Meanwhile I knew boring, stupid, shy or assholish men who drowned in pussy because they were tall and attractive.

Edit: ok, I accept the fact that you’re a mentalcel who is maybe normie-tier looks at most. But you must be a sub-8 otherwise chicks would have actually asked you out and/or physically raped you.

 

[ItheIthe]

Interesting read, right here. I suggest to OP to try this, and couple this with charisma training.

There's a book called "The Charisma Myth" that trains you in obtaining a more likable personality. There's also an online program called "The Charisma Matrix." Follow the steps in these programs and put them into practice at the volunteering events.

Oh believe me, I'm full of charisma now. Like I said in a response, I can adapt to any situation that's presented to me and fit right in. Why? Because I don't have an actual foundation to work from. I'm like a chameleon changing based on my surroundings, but without a real home.

I learned this skill basically from sitting alone with my thoughts for years and years. It's not as useful now though, at my age all girls are used up (Virgin or nothing) and my brain is damaged.

 

[StormlitAqua]

Oh believe me, I'm full of charisma now. Like I said in a response, I can adapt to any situation that's presented to me and fit right in. Why? Because I don't have an actual foundation to work from. I'm like a chameleon changing based on my surroundings, but without a real home.

I learned this skill basically from sitting alone with my thoughts for years and years. It's not as useful now though, at my age all girls are used up (Virgin or nothing) and my brain is damaged.

How old are you? I understand that the average girl is not a virgin by 17, but if you're like 18/19, they're easier to find than once you get past 21/college age.

 

[ItheIthe]

How old are you? I understand that the average girl is not a virgin by 17, but if you're like 18/19, they're easier to find than once you get past 21/college age.

I'm 19, going to be a sophomore in college

 

[Grotesque]

Basically, you took the social circle pill. Now you have to realize that the reason why you don't have a social circle in the first place is because you're ugly

It's a hard pill for even regular posters here to swallow.

Females will invite attractive males they don't/barely know to further communicate. I saw it in school, work and therapy. Some of the biggest lowlifes I've ever seen. Some of the biggest socially retarded autists I've ever seen.

If females never invite you like this, it is because you are not attractive. The very definition of not attracting someone. Unattractive. Ugly.

 

[MilkingTheEel]

I got friends and I'm sometimes invited to parties and that kinda stuff. YET, no success getting girls whatsoever. Yes, it is important to get out there, but if you are legit ugly it still doesn't matter.

 

[Deleted member 2798]

For most of my life, I have spent time wondering how other people could get "relationships" and I couldn't. No, it's not because I'm ugly, I've had different reasons. I'm a volcel now who is not interested in a "relationship" with some shitty foid, but for probably 5-6 years I was suicidal in large part due to loneliness and not having a "girlfriend".

For all that time, I never understood how to get one. I have posts from long ago wherein I express my bewilderment at how other people find "relationships". Like, how thhe fuck do people get to that level with another human being? It just completely confused me, since I never came anywhere close to that. But last night, I really did some thinking, and it left me very disturbed.

For years and years I tried texting random girls I never really talked to. I tried flexing on social media for a while (Still am), but it doesn't really get you the type of foid you might want. I never really had the opportunity to flirt with bitches in classes. I hardly ever saw anyone else do this. So I was in complete bewilderment: If other people don't flirt in class (Like me), if other people flex on sm (Like me), how come they have "girlfriends" and I don't?

Then I found the answer: Other people, from childhood on, socialized. I didn't. I was a somewhat social kid when I was young, but I had a very difficult adolescence that completely demolished any confidence I might have had, and made me become an extremely reclusive loner. I began suicide attempts at age 13. I was scared of people. Other people met girls by interacting with them in normal settings. Me? If a girl said "Hi" to me in passing I took it as an extreme IOI. I''d text a girl on Facebook once and expect a "relationship" out of it. If it didnt happen, Id rack my brain for weeks trying to figure out what went wrong and why I'm such a fuck-up. I literally never understood that "relationships" form from being social. I thought it was as simple as seeing someone in the hall, thinking that they're attractive, talking a few times, and going on a "date". I never learned that friend groups are crucial to meeting people because I hardly even had friends. I'd give my dumb method a try, and then get suicidal if it didn't work because I felt there was something wrong with me for me to be single while EVERYONE ELSE got a "relationship". In reality I was just extremely anti-social and clueless with no one to help me out. TO PUT IT IN SIMPLEST TERMS: I TRIED TO BUILD A PERSONNA BEFORE I EVEN HAD A READABLE PERSONALITY. I DID THIS BECAUSE I WAS TOO SCARED TO DEVELOP A REAL PERSONALITY BASED ON REAL INTERACTIONS. I TRIED TO MAKE MYSELF A FANTASY CHARACTER AND PLAY UP TO IT INSTEAD. IT DIDN'T WORK. PEOPLE DIDN'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT ME, BUT I EXPECTED THEM TO COME UP TO ME AND BE WARM JUST BASED ON AN OUTWARD PERSONNA I GAVE, WHEN IN REALITY THEY DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ME.

All that time, people were going to fires. People were going to bowling alleys. People were going to parties. People were just hanging out with one another. And they did all of this in mixed sex groups. I didn't experience any of this, not one lick. None of it. I just rotted at home contemplating suicide, homicide, and only interacting with people on forums.

This completely warped my sense of reality. I never understood that you have to actually meet girls at social gatherings, and via friend groups, and get to know them in order to get with them. That was never a part of my life, never ever did I engage in that shit for years and years during my adolescence, probably from 12-17. I always thought there was something wrong with me. I spent nights and days crying due to loneliness. I developed extremely exaggerated and idealistic images of people in my head because that's all I had to go on. I wasn't able to formulate true analysis on people because I never interacted with them. In my mind, two people saw each other's Instagram, and magically fell in love forever and ever, 100% loyal. I literally never understood that socializing was required to meet people because I was never given that opportunity. Other people fell in love with a girl they met at a bowling alley with a friend group, or at a fire, or with a girl they hung out with in the local neighborhood. I never fell in love with a girl because I never interacted with a girl. I was a loner to the extreme. Instead, I fell in love with images of girls I conjured up in my head based on a scroll through their Twitter.

The reason I didn't interact with people is because: A.My confidence was extremely low. B.I didn't understand how. My dad was physically and verbally abusive to me throughout my entire childhood; this completely ruined my confidence and turned me into a shell. He never taught me social skills either, and I never really learned how to interact with other people.

For basically my entire life, I've been living a lie. I've been living in a world full of false images of people I've conjured up in my head rather than real humans. I've always wondered why I couldn't have success, and it's because I was making full assumptions of people's character based on a scroll through their Twitter rather than real-life interaction. I always took it as a personal slight when girls wouldn't come after me, yet they would go after other guys. What the fuck is this for? Well I know why that happened now: Other guys hung out around the neighborhood, other people went to social events, I just sat in my room scared to death of people, waiting for a miracle, but not understanding how to make it happen.

My lack of success in the past has nothing to do with looks or game. I simply literally cried in my room all day while other people interacted. Maybe this doesn't sound like much, but you guys don't understand, my ENTIRE PERCEPTION OF REALITY from ages 12-19 has been completely skewed due to my extremely low self-esteem, lack of social interaction, and overall fear of other human beings that was ingrained in me via an abusive father and terrible social experiences at ages 12-13 they made me go into a suicidal shell. I've literally been living in a false reality.

My entire adolescence has been stripped away from me because I was dealt a shit hand and never learned how to socialize or cope. While other people developed as normal human beings, with social and romantic interactions to form them as human beings, I built myself upon a broken foundation, a brain permanently damaged from neglect and abuse and ridicule from family and peers.

You don't understand how big this is. It's been proven time and time again that socializing during those formative years is crucial to a brain's development (https://www.noisolation.com/global/...ocial-isolation-for-children-and-adolescents/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3800115/). I spent those years in a false reality. Other people grew with those around them. I never had those experiences and always wondered why. I spent years and years wondering why no one liked me, when in reality I was just a loner. These years of isolation just completely fucked up my brain, it's almost like being in solitary for all that time. Imagine living in a fantasy for 7-8 years with no realization that you are doing so while everyone else around you advances at a normal pace? My brain is permanently warped and I will never get those days back. I wish I learned how to not be so scared, how to socialize, and how to be a normal person. Oh well.

I don't know why you're getting so much shit for this post, but this describes my situation almost to the letter, minus the abusive father. Thanks for taking the time to write this, as it is very cogent articulation about what's been bothering me since I hit puberty. I had a face full of acne for most of my teens and was pushed out of social situations due to my looks and weirdness, reinforced by my genuine scorn for and inability to understand the social codes people would use. I wouldn't say I'm ugly (around 6/10 if I had to guess, obviously not great-looking because, I will agree with the rest, that at a certain point looks can override everything), but I can't fit myself back into the world that crushed me. I cannot think of anything to say to other people. I don't want to say anything to them. I want to have sex and I want to retreat after that. I want what has dropped into everyone else's lap just for existing as a component of a social group and I'm boiling with rage than nothing I can do will make up for being distinctly alien.

To add to this point, looks make social interaction easy during formative years. The mouthbreathers that cannot realize the importance of NT experiences can't seem to put together the fact that NT experience and looks are DIRECTLY CORRELATED. I was ugly and fat as a child and teen, so I didn't have good formative years.

People will blindly blame their issues on looks, but don't realize that because of said looks, you are also have no NT experiences and not social skills. You can't just "get" social skills like IT might suggest, you have to be good looking to even get the chance to learn them. Some may claim then that Ithe must be good looking, because he got chances to socialize, which is probably correct. Good looking male teens get the chance to learn social skills and have healthy formative years, but it's not an automatic thing.

"mentalcels" just have a bad name because it is misused and abused by people who do not actually fit the description, because its easy to fraud and hard to prove.

Great post, agree completely.

 

[Zesto]

I read all of it and with you.

Now go out there and socialize.

 

[chadsdad80]

Take some mdma and gtfo

 

[YungCell]

This is like Elliots manifesto except he realized he was a mentalcel unlike elliot, both borderline fakecels though.

 

[turbocuckcel_7000]

sounds about right.

these days i hate dwelling over the past too much, what are your plans for the future? going through all your possible connections like young relatives and out of touch friends? social events that are mostly full of old people like dancing classes and meetup.com? approach?

i've soldiered on through all this and got a job, some money, useful skills, got in shape, and... nothing. because no one even answers my texts and work is a desolate cliquey shithole with very few people that haven't left yet.

 

[Jockcel]

No, it's because you're ugly.

 

[TheIncelStaresBack]

i'm too low iq to read and find out for myself if this post is high or low iq

 

[Deleted member 10124]

This is like Elliots manifesto except he realized he was a mentalcel unlike elliot, both borderline fakecels though.

No, it's because you're ugly.