Eschewcel
Excluded from society for a decade.
★
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2020
- Posts
- 2,067
She was super smart, beautiful to my eyes even though people around me would rate her 4-5/10.
She was my looksmatch. It's 13 years ago for me, but still today I'm filled with anxiety thinking of it.
Asked her out.
First the mere shock on her face, then disgust, then well, simple she'd avoid me and not talk to me anymore.
She was just a perfect match: A bit ugly but cute.
Nonetheless, she had plenty of boyfriends. More like hookup plans that would treat her like trash. Chads she'd meet at her university or online. She's been to a mental health institute more than 3 times after the first breakups. We met by accident one day while I was purchasing groceries and we talked for like 10 minutes. She was telling me everything she lived and I didn't, how her first boyfriend at 17 (a few months after I aked her out) was having multiple foids in the same time...
I WAS THERE. I WOULD HAVE KILLED TO HAVE HER.
But I'm ugly. Just like that. Fuck my life, I feel so terrible thinking of it. Not my fault, I was just ugly and was still a bit hoping that an ugly girl that I've been friend with for months would consider me.
That step in my life is one of these wounds that will never heal. Even if I could get with her as a couple now my heart would be so blackened with disgust that she'd wait until she'd been disappointed dozens, maybe a hundred times before ending up with me that the relationship wouldn't last two weeks.
What did we do to deserve that? Like really, what?
She was my last friend at that time, never had real friends until then. 12 years of loneliness, boredom and no escape. Because yeah, now even if there was a miracle, no girl would stand me and my disgust for her. How do you live with someone who is with you by default because you have a settled life?
My life is over at 29 and still I don't have the strength nor courage to end it, and to fight my survival instincts.
She was my looksmatch. It's 13 years ago for me, but still today I'm filled with anxiety thinking of it.
Asked her out.
First the mere shock on her face, then disgust, then well, simple she'd avoid me and not talk to me anymore.
She was just a perfect match: A bit ugly but cute.
Nonetheless, she had plenty of boyfriends. More like hookup plans that would treat her like trash. Chads she'd meet at her university or online. She's been to a mental health institute more than 3 times after the first breakups. We met by accident one day while I was purchasing groceries and we talked for like 10 minutes. She was telling me everything she lived and I didn't, how her first boyfriend at 17 (a few months after I aked her out) was having multiple foids in the same time...
I WAS THERE. I WOULD HAVE KILLED TO HAVE HER.
But I'm ugly. Just like that. Fuck my life, I feel so terrible thinking of it. Not my fault, I was just ugly and was still a bit hoping that an ugly girl that I've been friend with for months would consider me.
That step in my life is one of these wounds that will never heal. Even if I could get with her as a couple now my heart would be so blackened with disgust that she'd wait until she'd been disappointed dozens, maybe a hundred times before ending up with me that the relationship wouldn't last two weeks.
What did we do to deserve that? Like really, what?
She was my last friend at that time, never had real friends until then. 12 years of loneliness, boredom and no escape. Because yeah, now even if there was a miracle, no girl would stand me and my disgust for her. How do you live with someone who is with you by default because you have a settled life?
My life is over at 29 and still I don't have the strength nor courage to end it, and to fight my survival instincts.
