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Edmund_Kemper
Disregard my larping efforts. I can’t change it.
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- Joined
- Sep 26, 2019
- Posts
- 25,310
i hate it when people say "it always gets better"You know, sometimes we say some stuff here with some exaggeration to a certain degree, to make it more funny or whatever, but I'm being truly honest now, no exaggeration of self deprecation, I've never seen someone "normal" (as in not autistic or with any kind of mental retardation) with worse social skills than me.
I'm apparently not autistic, I've already thought a lot about how I ended up sucking so bad at it, and I'm pretty sure it was a lot of little things that kept happening thanks to how I was raised, to how the world reacted to me (thanks 3/10 subhuman looking face and gay ass voice)... Due to these little "mental scars" fucking my communication skills I can be easily considered a mentalcel, and I don't even get the sympathy/pity autistic or retarded guys get sometimes, just shitty treatment all the time thanks to how I look and how a monkey corpse has more social skills than me (first exaggeration so far, I swear).
I observe other people a lot in social situations, I see how naturally the flow of their conversation goes, how easily it comes to them what to say next. But I shit you not, my brain just seems to not have that area developed. It's not that I'm shy or whatever, and tbh I wish it was the case because at least it would be easier to fix, but I honestly just don't know what to say, how to make it go naturally, how to make it not seem like I'm interviewing the other person. It doesn't come to me, and on top of that I'm subhuman looking (my eyes look like they're tired all the time so my face looks antipathic), my voice is really bad, I stutter a lot and fumble words up, and I have some weird "maneirisms" that happen sometimes when I talk. It is just a disaster tbh, whenever I try to talk to someone it just makes me want to die because of how bad it goes.
This is why I say Mentalceldom is the most cruel, because if you're incel you can still make some friends, but when you are mental, you are doomed to loneliness, no friends and obviously no girls. I personally could live with the pain of not having a woman by my side, it hurts but at least I'd be able to satisfy my urges with hookers. But this creeping reminder that I'm going to end totally alone, this lack of deeper relationships, this inability to talk even the most basic stuff, I've been dealing with this my whole life and I'm 100% sure if it doesn't change (and I know it won't) I'm going to kill myself because of it, everyday it becomes harder to deal with and I know it will only get worse as I get older.