/r9k/
I started browsing 4chan when I was 13 years old, in 2007. The site was mentioned on an IRC channel, but at first I didn't have the courage to check it out. When I got more comfortable with the concept over the years, I decided to check all the different boards that it offered, but one stuck out to me in particular - /r9k/. You can read more about it here if you're not familiar; there were frequent threads about rejection, loneliness, poverty, dysfunctional families and so on.Having a talent for pattern recognition, I could identify similarities between my life and the lives of the other posters - however, some of the other posters were more eloquent and had more information/experience. It was the first time I learned about the concept of "gaslighting" in family dynamics. Back on the IRC server, I casually mentioned I was browsing 4chan, but I NEVER talked about browsing /r9k/ due to the nature of that board. And since the IRC server was gaming related, I didn't see fit to mention it.
It was difficult to get a sense of stability/continuity on /r9k/ because 4chan doesn't archive threads by default. The stories people shared there came and went like sandcastles being swept away by ocean waves; I'll admit that there is something bittersweet about that, because I interacted with folks who I might not interact with again in my entire life. At 14-15 years old I got black pilled on females, but I didn't get black pilled on other things like lookism in the workplace, the lie of meritocracy, the volatility of human laws, etc.
I would later pay dearly for such naivety, as evidenced by my threads and replies on this forum.
At around 17 years old I stopped browsing, thinking I would never visit it again - this was in the cusp of me entering university, and I really thought getting good grades in university would "save my life", as it were, and that I could leave behind all the horrible shit that happened to me and finally have a normal life.
But around 2017 I started browsing again. Life was fucking me over despite doing what was supposedly "the right thing" according to meritocracy - I was applying myself in my studies, and yet I was miserable and wanted to kill myself, and that could be seen in my health/physical condition. Even the teachers looked at me with disgust - you know, the same teachers that would scream in their students' ears to sacrifice everything (including health) for academic achievement. Binge eating and SSRIs were my daily reality. In late 2017/early 2018 I finally got my MSc degree concluded, but I kept browsing /r9k/, until I noticed someone talking about one "Monday FA Monday" or "Monday Blue"; I'm wired like an antenna, so I checked out this man's channel on YouTube.
YouTube channels
Monday's channel consisted of videos regarding the "forever alone" phenomenon. The comment section for these videos was also an interesting complement - shadowbanning was already a thing in 2018 YouTube, but not as bad as in current day. It was in the comment section that I found about other channels - Stardusk/ThinkingApe, Colttaine, Black Pill Philosophy, Blue Skies Media, among others. Each channel had their strengths, weaknesses, and blind spots. Monday was disturbingly good at describing family dynamics, body language analysis and politics. ThinkingApe excelled at explaining the dynamics between men and women, using animal biology as a baseline. Black Pill Philosophy introduced me to Baruch Spinoza. Then there were smaller/less structured channels like Blue Skies Media and Virgin Messiah. I used to watch a bunch of these videos at work, with discretion.Unfortunately Monday FA Monday closed both of his channels somewhere in 2020. There are many different explanations - he got a GF, his parents found out about the videos, he was being stalked, etc. There are even rumors that he was a fed all along, which is kind of a shame if true.
From that point onward, ThinkingApe became my go to channel for this type of content. Black Pill Philosophy went through several rebrands, current one being "Martin Butler's Journey Through Dangerous Ideas" - he doesn't upload frequently, but when he does, it's excellent stuff. Finally in 2023, I discovered DBDR and Rehab Room, although I don't remember if this was via the algorithm ("related videos") or the comments.
The volatility of YouTube differs from that of 4chan. In theory videos don't need to be archived, they stay up indefinetly unless they are removed by the creator (e.g. Monday FA) or banned. YouTube already tried to ban ThinkingApe's channel several times, with the latest being such a devastating blow that he pretty much migrated to Rumble. Whenever a video is deleted, so are its comments, meaning a bunch of information is lost in the process. YouTube provides a better sense of context and continuity on paper, because you can see which channels are uploading certain types of videos and comments. But in practice those channels also tend to be banned, so it's not that ideal of a platform.
Discord
I did try some Discord servers, but I find Discord in general to be really distracting. I always get sensory overload trying to keep up with the entropy these chat rooms generate.incels.is
And now I'm here. I've always liked forum sites, because they avoid the limitations and frustrations of the other platforms. Unless some catastrophe happens, the posts and replies stay here indefinetly, and we can always reference them later if adequate.Any of you had similar paths to mine?
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Now I rot and postmaxx at this cesspool.
