Extern
Brain development ruined by teen isolation.
★★★
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2025
- Posts
- 4,253
- Online time
- 2d 16h
Brutal. Why didn't he get accepted?32 year old male:
During my development years (1-4 let's say) my dad was almost never around, and when he did he was completely unhinged. Drunk, would argue with my mom, was a frequent cheater. My mother was completely neurotic and at certain points even used me and my brother as surrogate husbands. None of parents ever taught me anything useful. As for my dad he never really liked me due to my resemblance with my grandpa on my mother's side, which he has problems with - this topic will be elaborated on much further below. At 5 years old, that was the first time I was bullied. Due to financial problems that my family was going through, I was put in a rough kindergarten (joint between kindergarten level and 1st grade) and unfortunately without the proper development and due to my appearance (very short and ugly) the kids on the 1st grade bullied me, sometimes kicks to the legs and torso, but I've even been kicked in the teeth/lips, by kids who are taller than me (unsurprisingly so, since they're 1st graders). Even the kids from the kindergarten level that didn't bully me didn't like me at all and to this day I don't talk to them (don't even know where they are).
The staff there said I was not prepared to go to 1st grade, but my parents, being impulsive, forced me in. The problems continued from 1st grade all the way through 6th - bullying, girls wouldn't talk to me unless they needed specific favors (even by satisfying these favors, I never got anything back), berated by the teachers and rest of the school staff. had things stolen from me. Every girl I proposed to rejected me and preferred better guys. One relevant thing to note is, at this point I wasn't just short and ugly - I was also fat, wore absolutely horrible clothing (the clothing would not fit my body because it was all donated, and some of the donations like bright green and orange shorts caused the bullying to get worse) and I had scoliosis. One thing where I will say was my fault, is the hygiene - that is the only thing I could have controlled for here, but given the way I was being treated, there was no real motivation to do anything about that. Even in cases where I fought back against bullies, I was also punished by the school board along with my aggressors.
Then 7th grade came, the same problems. There was thing tall beautiful girl I met, and we got along neutrally, but when 8th and 9th grade came, that's when puberty hit (14 years old). I started looking at her silhouette sexually and I couldn't deal with it. I knew I was going to be rejected just like the last times, so instead I didn't say anything. There was no way there was any genuine interest (romantic or otherwise) from her, because we looked like we came from opposite galaxies. While this was happening my father sunk our family money in two ways: - he cheated on my mother with prostitutes and married women - including married women with kids. This envolved gifts as well to these women and (indirectly) their kids. This resulted in me not having any money for activities to be with other kids, no money for clothes, good food, healthcare etc. When he did it near my mother's birthday, my mother finally confronted him. Instead of apologizing, he threatened to kick her out of the house.
He also built houses that he was not able to sell, incurring debt. This point is less severe, but it can show how impulsive the man is.
The problems continued in high school. Girls would look at me with confusion and disgust. Studying was getting harder, as grades were always up and down. From high school onward I never asked girls or women out. In college, I picked STEM because I erroneously though people would be less superficial and appreciate my efforts (I am slightly above average in intelligence). No. Nobody wanted to make group projects with me, even AFTER showing my competence in programming and software development in general. That situation only got sorted around the 3rd year of college, but by that time I was exhausted. Studies took their toll and I fell into the black hole of lack of sleep, antidepressants and ansiolitics, and had to go to therapy regularly for the first time in my life. I was forced by my parents to take driving lessons, even though they would never let me near any dashboard or wheel of their cars, despite my innate curiosity. This means I was driving under the influence of these medications, with absolutely horrible side effects. I passed the driving exam on my 3rd time but to this day I'm not a good driver (In fact I don't drive for years now). Later that year - 2015, I was 21 - I left my parents house to live in the dorms at university, because in addition to forcing me to drive, my parents were throwing my food away, stealing my money from the drawer when I was not present, and hiding my exercise equipment. Not much happened here, I had to adjust my anxiety to the fact that I lived with 31 other people. This also marked the time where I jumped form student residences to another (a total of 3 I think, in rotation). I actually graduated both from my bachelors and masters with honors, participated on extracurricular projects and never failed a single subject - even helped a bunch of people that I shouldn't have helped, just like in middle school.
When I was done with the masters, I weighed 120kg. My father told me I was fat and that I should look in the mirror and be ashamed of the fact I was fat (even though he's morbidly obese himself). My mother asked me for money. Not a single word of encouragement. When I got my first job at the private sector, I was exploited to the bone. Was paid below market value, boss ignored the fact I had a masters degree (even said it in a mocking manner, that he didn't know, even though it was clearly stated in the CV). Second job I was exploited once again, gained a bit of weight but also enlisted to a gym so it kind of got controlled (went from 110kg to 65kg, then balanced it out to 75kg). In 2019 a woman played with my feelings, showed a bunch of interest in me, then ghosted me. 2020 was horrible, especially after the pandemic started - the corporate propaganda reached the stratosphere, we engineers were given management tasks and forced to turn on our cameras all the time (me being ugly, this affected me a great deal). I burned out later that year and gave them my resignation letter. Lost my virginity later that year to an escort, at 26 years old. Third job, worst one so far, I was only there for 3-4 months. Intense micromanagement, hierarchies that made no sense, incompetent managers. Took a 5 month break with mostly my savings.
In mid-2023 I got diagnosed with leg asymmetry (which explains the scoloiosis that I had), I have to wear levels for the rest of my life (then one on the left is slightly taller to compensate). Fourth job was the same company of my second job but under a different branding. Underpaid just like before, even did unpaid research for them, causing me to exercise less and gain weight again-84kg. I'm only 1.72m so you can imagine how horrible I look with 84kg, mostly fat. Of couse, this research was not accounted for, not even during annual raises (I got a terrible raise), so I left the company once again. At this point I'm starting to realize how horrible the IT industry is for my health. Lack of sleep, sometimes the antidepressants came back although in smaller doses, weight gain, anxiety... Fifth job was the first job I ever had in this industry that paid well, but once again I'm close to burning out after 1 year 3 months. Ironically, best physical shape of my life (currently 74-75kg).
And yet I still hate it all. Recently I went to my grandpa's house (mother's side), and I found a picture of him when he was younger and serving in what I think was the military. I realized that I have 90% of his phenotype - the huge forehead, the protruding temples and occiput - NOW I know why I'm ugly. My grandpa simply lucked out since at the time standards for beauty and acceptance were lower. I still get horrible comments and looks of confusion from women. I expect things to get worse now that I'm getting older (32 years old), eventually gonna start losing hair, having a more "rough" look in my face. Unlike me childhood and teens, I take good care of my hygiene. Even so, hygieve and attractiveness are not the same thing. My family is still horrible and dysfunctional with a few exceptions. I hate my industry . People make absolutely horrible comments about my face, my height and other elements of my appearance. There are no longer comments about me being fat, because I'm not fat anymore, but it's always a "move the goalpost" kind of situation.
Lastly, I found additional health problems in 2025 - the jaw is misaligned due to gravity on the jaw, and having that shorter leg, the jaw rotated (although this one is being fixed in an osteopath). More disturbingly, I found I had deviated septum on the nose, and sleep apnea, which explains further my difficulties in exercising. Of course, I was not vindicated for any of this. Nobody gives a shit, like always.
I guess the reason I want to join your forum is to provide information. Things might actually be even worse than you think.
. These dumb faggots really think every rejected man on the planet and throughout history are all sexless/romanceless because of being socially inept or stink when in reality society literally is just that much ridiculous towards certain men no matter what they do. People are biased assholes to me because my genetics aren't what they like. It's as simple as that. I've done and still do literally everything normies advise. Still treated unfairly. People can go fuck themselves while I continue to get by. Being popular amongst pea brained NPCs was never my destiny.
