Cope Been doing meaningless shit since finals

[Giracel]

Since I finished exams I've been deliberately wasting time, playing hours of fast-paced online chess. I pretend to care about the games, but I know that I am just doing it as a distraction from the reality of a failed adolescence. Soon to rejoin my family as an adult child, life will return to its former order. I think I have been binging on these games as a way to deny this.

 

[Giracel]

It is sort of addictive in its own right so there's that factor as well

 

[Giracel]

How fitting "drowningindenial" is the first viewer JFL

 

[She Does Not Exist]

playing hours of fast-paced online chess.

Mogs me, I got ADHD.

 

[Giracel]

Mogs me, I got ADHD.

Well the time control is fast. Longest I do is 10 min per person. I don't have the attention span for long games either.

 

[She Does Not Exist]

Well the time control is fast. Longest I do is 10 min per person. I don't have the attention span for long games either.

No, I mean literally mogs me in patience, my ADHD is severe, looking at chess pieces is enough to make me want to run away from then, I have the attention span of an ant.

But at least you got a distraction, even if you do not feel anything, as long you are not thinking of random shit while playing I consider that a win, this is why I'm now doomscrolling this forum, time spent doomscrolling is less time spent thinking about shit that I should not be thinking about.

 

[Giracel]

But at least you got a distraction, even if you do not feel anything, as long you are not thinking of random shit while playing

This. It's actually one of the few activities I've found that completely shuts down rumination, which I suffer from greatly. Blocks it out in a way that my studies never did.

 

[She Does Not Exist]

rumination

This is what damaged me the most, the costant loops on my head, thinking about people who not even saw me as an equal, I had to adopt Fatalism, change my diet, have discipline and now add doomscrolling to make these memories go away.

Is the old saying, we are our own worst enemies.

 

[nihilum]

Over for chesscels.