i didn't have any friends since i was 11 and i barely talk to anyone at school. i lost all my social skills i *somewhat* gained as a child (although i always had high inhib). now i just sit at home most of the time and only go to school (which i skip a lot) or gym. i don't have any online friends, I don't play any competetive online games since like one year already (when i did i didn't have any friends to play with or like a team). I've been alone and lonely most of my life now when i think about it. i didn't give it much thought til last year.
i never could establish any long lasting platonic relationships (not even mentioning romantic ones), only observe how others do it. i never could hold an enjoyable conversation with another person like others do it, although i have a lot to talk about. now in my late teens it's even harder. i get to observe all my peers getting girlfriends, partying, going out, planning their life while all i do is just ldar and gymcel. I can't even imagine myself in a social setting no more. last time i willingly tried to socialise was on the last class trip (almost exactly one year ago) which I'd skip normally, but because of my anxiety and paranoia i ended up asking the teacher whether i can get a room where I'm alone (which was successful) just to close myself in there and listen to music, scratch my legs til bleeding and suck on snus pouches while everyone else from my class was having fun watching football World (cvck) Cup.
since then i isolated myself even more.
for last couple of months i have been having really bad anhedonia to the point where i just can't even open my eyes when i wake up because i don't see the point to continue. I don't brush my teeth, the last time i cut my hair was 8 months ago. i have so much things i have to do and i know exactly how but i just can't bring myself to it.
I'm thinking about going to a therapist but i know i won't achieve nothing
maybe he'll put me on anxiety meds which are useless and make you unable to have an erection but that's probably it. if i had money I'd hop on steroids but I don't. everything feels so pointless in modern society. i just don't know what to do anymore. I'm not going to kill myself because I'm a pussy so i just hope something or someone will end it for me. it never even began.
i never could establish any long lasting platonic relationships (not even mentioning romantic ones), only observe how others do it. i never could hold an enjoyable conversation with another person like others do it, although i have a lot to talk about. now in my late teens it's even harder. i get to observe all my peers getting girlfriends, partying, going out, planning their life while all i do is just ldar and gymcel. I can't even imagine myself in a social setting no more. last time i willingly tried to socialise was on the last class trip (almost exactly one year ago) which I'd skip normally, but because of my anxiety and paranoia i ended up asking the teacher whether i can get a room where I'm alone (which was successful) just to close myself in there and listen to music, scratch my legs til bleeding and suck on snus pouches while everyone else from my class was having fun watching football World (cvck) Cup.
since then i isolated myself even more.
for last couple of months i have been having really bad anhedonia to the point where i just can't even open my eyes when i wake up because i don't see the point to continue. I don't brush my teeth, the last time i cut my hair was 8 months ago. i have so much things i have to do and i know exactly how but i just can't bring myself to it.
I'm thinking about going to a therapist but i know i won't achieve nothing
maybe he'll put me on anxiety meds which are useless and make you unable to have an erection but that's probably it. if i had money I'd hop on steroids but I don't. everything feels so pointless in modern society. i just don't know what to do anymore. I'm not going to kill myself because I'm a pussy so i just hope something or someone will end it for me. it never even began.
