Waiting for info.
- Jun 21, 2022
- 8h 43m
Like as if it wronged you. I sure as hell do. I feel it fucking created me just to suffer.
The funny thing is I used to think there was some kind of "threshold", some kind of limit to how bad things could get. But the degradation is endless.Like as if it wronged you. I sure as hell do. I feel it fucking created me just to suffer.
Ok, makes sense....I used to.
That is one of the many reasons that I gave up on God,
Humans........ they always make the same mistake. Endlessly chasing after someone or something to worship, thinking some being that likely doesn't even exist will bestow them with some gift or meaning in life.and started worshiping Mammon.
You are just as delusional as you were when you worshiped the Christian God. Mammon has done just as much for you, it's all in your head.I love Mammon, because Mammon is there for me - unlike God and his chad son, Jesus.
He wasn't useless, he fulfilled his intended goal, the goal his community demanded of him and the goal your parents required of him, INDOCTRINATION.The Bible is full of sex, rape, and the crazy stories in The Book of Ezekiel - no wonder my old minister was so useless.
Sounds like you found you're inertia! You're " flow."The funny thing is I used to think there was some kind of "threshold", some kind of limit to how bad things could get. But the degradation is endless.
I have gone from being angry at the world, to being indifferent to existence.
I am wealthmaxxing to create a better life for myself, but at the same time, If I randomly found out I had a terminal illness I would not care, if I were to die at this very moment I would not care. It is purely will power pushing me forward at this point. I have no grand motivation, no goals for a family and children, no ego that makes me want to "beat the odds", etc.
I am simply software running lines of code as it was programmed to do. Just "going through the motions" and trying to get myself to life in which I could find enjoyable. I've spent my entire life having this kind of "drive", and I am merely emulating the process to keep going.
I am "playing the game" for the sake of a better future, but at the same time I am 100% tired of "the game". I don't really care about anything anymore lol.
I don't have any attachments to my life or anything in this world. I only want the resources so that I can immerse myself in hedonism and entertainment for as long as I have the strength in my body to enjoy it (which is probably about 3 decades).
Ironically, even right now I keep telling myself that "this is it", and the mindset I have now is the lowest I can get, and there's no further changes that could take place. I've reached the final form of a black pill mindset, pure nihilism, existing for the sake of enjoying existence, no meaning.
But I'll probably be caught off guard again and sink even lower.
If you are still at the stage where you hate the world, prepare to sink even lower in the coming years. Soon you won't even care about revenge, or killing people, or hypothetically wiping out the planet, etc. Soon you'll care about nothing, not even family or friends, nothing will matter to you.
I remember there was a time when I used to be afraid to die. Now the thought of dying holds no meaning, it doesn't matter anymore. In some moments it's a calming relief, and in other moments it doesn't evoke any feeling or thought at all.