I've stated before that before joining this forum, I didn't hold any opinions, or rather I wasn't aware of what my opinions were. I would only parrot popular thought so as to not be criticized. After 4 years of complete isolation at uni, living alone, spending a total of 30 seconds per day talking to people, my mind had become foggy, and I wasn't aware of what my thoughts were on basically any matter. I never had a way to express my thoughts, so I wasn't sure I even had them at that point.
Coming here and writing posts has helped me individuate, I have unlocked a large chunk of my subconscious. But I've noticed that this comes at a price. I'm not sure if I'm only imagining this, but it almost feels as if whenever I write out an opinion/thought, it's like that thought becomes separate from my psyche. Like I no longer hold it. It's no longer mine. The act of verbalizing my thoughts makes it so I no longer feel as strongly about them. I almost become bored of that thought, even though I still believe in it. They start feeling performative. I think this happens because when you write something out, it becomes flat, you remove all emotional charge behind it.
So the dilemma is - without writing out my thoughts, I wouldn't be aware of their existence, but after writing them out, they no longer feel as if they're a part of me. They feel like they have escaped and gained autonomy.
Does anyone else feels this way?
Coming here and writing posts has helped me individuate, I have unlocked a large chunk of my subconscious. But I've noticed that this comes at a price. I'm not sure if I'm only imagining this, but it almost feels as if whenever I write out an opinion/thought, it's like that thought becomes separate from my psyche. Like I no longer hold it. It's no longer mine. The act of verbalizing my thoughts makes it so I no longer feel as strongly about them. I almost become bored of that thought, even though I still believe in it. They start feeling performative. I think this happens because when you write something out, it becomes flat, you remove all emotional charge behind it.
So the dilemma is - without writing out my thoughts, I wouldn't be aware of their existence, but after writing them out, they no longer feel as if they're a part of me. They feel like they have escaped and gained autonomy.
Does anyone else feels this way?
