I don't want to think, I just want peace in my agonising life; holy shit nothing works. No matter what hobby I build it no longer functions as a means of ignorance over my personal experiences, I live in constant denial and running from the regrettable truth that life ultimately means nothing to me when I lack one of-the most fundamental aspects of it imaginable.
And to me personally, it's so dreadful due to my innate emotional attachment and empathy, I want to connect with someone beyond just friends so badly that it hurts. My thoughts hurt, my mind hurt, my vision blurs at the thought of the bleak future my life is heading towards. No colour.
I genuinely believe despite my extreme social anxiety I am in some ways a 'extrovert' that thrives off seeing the happiness of others indirectly involving me, yet I cannot fulfill the only desire I find almost poetic. I wish I could love, feel love, exist within love, thrive in love; my world lacks it so bad that it's seemingly void of violet red.
Makes me want to gag.
And to me personally, it's so dreadful due to my innate emotional attachment and empathy, I want to connect with someone beyond just friends so badly that it hurts. My thoughts hurt, my mind hurt, my vision blurs at the thought of the bleak future my life is heading towards. No colour.
I genuinely believe despite my extreme social anxiety I am in some ways a 'extrovert' that thrives off seeing the happiness of others indirectly involving me, yet I cannot fulfill the only desire I find almost poetic. I wish I could love, feel love, exist within love, thrive in love; my world lacks it so bad that it's seemingly void of violet red.
Makes me want to gag.
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