C
My life has been always a mess, i have been a devoted Christian my whole life, i have questioned my self, multiple times and someway some how He shows an answer.
But this time, he doesnt give an answer, if he does, it always takes a long time, i dont care if you are an Atheist, Christian, or any other religion, but i want you to hear my life from my perspective. I have been raised in this blessed household, gadgets, parents, siblings, friends, private education, food, water and shelter.
But why?…
Why did my life seem so perfect yet it wasnt.
I was the “obedient” one in my household, good grades, mediocre behavior.
Why do they prefer my sister over me just because shes the only girl and genetically gifted. They say that she studies hard and thats all that matters, they also praise her of her looks but when it comes to my intelligence, they despise it. I dont get it? Im always the one who does most of the household chores and if i fail to miss one, they scold me. Even when we are both in trouble, im always the one to be looked at first. I dont get it, im the youngest? Werent my older siblings supposed to take the hit? Why me? Why?
What am i doing wrong? I bake for them because i care and it is my hidden passion, ive learnt and changed my mistakes, why am i still the bad person to them? Why is that the youngest sibling is supposed to take care of the house and my sister? I feel left out. And when i dont talk its suddenly because of the games i play. Im naturally anti social, i have always been like this since i was a kid.
I have no shoulder to cry and pour all of this out, i have been numbing my pain via masturbation, audio sleep aid, video games and more. People consider me weird even in school, i dont get it? Is it that my life is just this naturally miserable? Devoting my life to God is a gamble, sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt, i dont know how much longer i can take, is it my genetically recessed face that its the problem? Everything in my face is severely recessed, from Supraorbital to the chin. I have the worse genetic combination from my parents, no dimorphism at all, crooked teeth meanwhile my sister and brother both have near perfect teeths.
Is it me?
Is it my personality all along?
I try my best to be both humorous and joyful but i probably look like an idiot now that i think about it, ive learned to act like that because i knew i would be left out. I dont wanna live like this my whole life. My development is fucked, its over. My brother taught me to be shy once in the Church, and it scarred me, i was a bold kid back then now im not, was it my brother who did this to me? Or did i do this subconsciously to my self?
Im scared for my self and my future, but most importantly, im scared for you guys since you guys were always supportive and understanding.
I wonder if i will ever achieve my goal of travelling in the Alps of Switzerland and i wonder if you guys will too.
Please, if this website would be a person, could i please rest my head on your shoulder and cry atleast for a little bit?
Thank you for listening to my cries.
But this time, he doesnt give an answer, if he does, it always takes a long time, i dont care if you are an Atheist, Christian, or any other religion, but i want you to hear my life from my perspective. I have been raised in this blessed household, gadgets, parents, siblings, friends, private education, food, water and shelter.
But why?…
Why did my life seem so perfect yet it wasnt.
I was the “obedient” one in my household, good grades, mediocre behavior.
Why do they prefer my sister over me just because shes the only girl and genetically gifted. They say that she studies hard and thats all that matters, they also praise her of her looks but when it comes to my intelligence, they despise it. I dont get it? Im always the one who does most of the household chores and if i fail to miss one, they scold me. Even when we are both in trouble, im always the one to be looked at first. I dont get it, im the youngest? Werent my older siblings supposed to take the hit? Why me? Why?
What am i doing wrong? I bake for them because i care and it is my hidden passion, ive learnt and changed my mistakes, why am i still the bad person to them? Why is that the youngest sibling is supposed to take care of the house and my sister? I feel left out. And when i dont talk its suddenly because of the games i play. Im naturally anti social, i have always been like this since i was a kid.
I have no shoulder to cry and pour all of this out, i have been numbing my pain via masturbation, audio sleep aid, video games and more. People consider me weird even in school, i dont get it? Is it that my life is just this naturally miserable? Devoting my life to God is a gamble, sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt, i dont know how much longer i can take, is it my genetically recessed face that its the problem? Everything in my face is severely recessed, from Supraorbital to the chin. I have the worse genetic combination from my parents, no dimorphism at all, crooked teeth meanwhile my sister and brother both have near perfect teeths.
Is it me?
Is it my personality all along?
I try my best to be both humorous and joyful but i probably look like an idiot now that i think about it, ive learned to act like that because i knew i would be left out. I dont wanna live like this my whole life. My development is fucked, its over. My brother taught me to be shy once in the Church, and it scarred me, i was a bold kid back then now im not, was it my brother who did this to me? Or did i do this subconsciously to my self?
Im scared for my self and my future, but most importantly, im scared for you guys since you guys were always supportive and understanding.
I wonder if i will ever achieve my goal of travelling in the Alps of Switzerland and i wonder if you guys will too.
Please, if this website would be a person, could i please rest my head on your shoulder and cry atleast for a little bit?
Thank you for listening to my cries.
