Whenever I see you guys I see myself in my teens

[mistersinister]

"I have very few friends.. And they constantly play video games. I often constantly play too, but as soon as I stop I feel lonely. I barely have anyone, if anyone at all, to talk to about anything. Just small friends I can have normal conversations with, but nothing deep or personal. I have a few online friends I text, but it doesn't stop the loneliness. The last time I was with a friend outside of school was like 7 months ago. I just never get invited places and my current friends I play video games with never go places. On top of that I also feel lonely and helpless whenever I see or think about the girl I like because she seems barely interested in me even as a friend and she barely even responds when I talk to her or she will just laugh and say " oh geez" if I try making a joke or something in conversation but then it just ends. I'm sorry if this whole thing sounded stupid, just need to speak my mind to the Internet"

that was me. back during my high school years.

 

[horsecel]

How old are you now?

 

[Ducky]

Relatable. I recall feeling the same way as a teenager.

 

[Intellau_Celistic]

Fiction:

A certain (respectable) Hispanic boy said of Jane:

"Is Jane still going to be in our classroom?"(He asked this after Aspie John was told that he would remain in the current classroom; unprovoked information)

Our dear protagonist, Aspie John, enjoys another day during his stint in class when he encounters a new kid: Short Morena.

Short Morena is a depressed, somewhat anxious girl of about fifteen-years of age with bipolar disorder. She has mood swings, chronic migraines and a clear distaste for vain youth, much like Aspie John. He also notices her similar self-harm behaviors. They do not immediately chat, however.

After a month or so, Aspie John develops an attraction to Short Morena, since she is humble, serious and non-flirtatious, something quite different from the behavior/personality of Anxious Jane. The two participate in a gym activity with the Phys. Ed teacher, during which Short Morena grabs Aspie John's hand to help him cross the web used for the activity. He thanks her and the two receive praise from the Phys Ed. teacher for working together. In another gym activity involving sports, she offers advice to Aspie John as he struggles to push a puck with a stick due to his motor coordination problems.

Short Morena begins to greet Aspie John, which he responds to with "Hello". Days go on, and Short Morena asks Aspie John if he wishes to play a game with her, since he sits alone daily and stutters, which he declines. One day, the class prepares to go outside for a walk, which causes Short Morena to speak to Aspie John:

"Shouldn't you get your jacket, Aspie John?"

"Yes, I think I should..."

Short Morena then informs the teacher, and Aspie John gets his coat. It is, after all, a very cold day in March 2016. A day or so later, a new kid joins the class, Unkind Blondie. Unkind Blondie argues with other classroom kids over something fairly meaningless, and is sent to a new classroom as a result. After the argument, Short Morena asks Aspie John:

"Were you bothered by the class argument?"

"No, I was not"

"Okay"

The two enter the school lobby in preparation to leave, and Short Morena asks Aspie John, "Did you have a good day?", which he replies "Yes" to. She then says, "I see your ride outside", and Aspie John leaves.

Gradually, Aspie John becomes deeply attracted to Short Morena and finds himself heavy with anxiety at the thought of seeing her each day. He takes note of her problems as she speaks to the teacher and notes statements such as "I feel like a disgusting bipolar girl". The teachers says "She has a flat affect", which Aspie John is already aware of. He starts to envision himself chatting with her about various different things, even though it pains him since stutters and is too anxious to form a friendship with her.

Soon, Aspie John learns that Short Morena will be moving and transferring to a different school soon, which greatly saddens him. He also stays home for several days due to his encounter with Anxious Jane in the hospital waiting room. Upon returning to school, he participates in a class game with the other students, a game of Mad-Libs. That day is also Short Morena's last day of school.

As Aspie John starts to relay his answers to the class, Short Morena starts laughing happily at each answer and votes for him when the teacher asks the class which student provided the best answers, which causes him to become very jittery from anxiety yet calm.

As the two students leave class, Short Morena says "Bye, Aspie John" in a kind tone to Aspie John, which causes him to reply with a calm "Ok". He is grateful to have met her, though he knows she views him only as someone to be pitied for his illnesses.

The very next day, however:

"I think Aspie John was extremely hurt when we discussed the behavior of Anxious Jane and Tall Kid. He was covering himself up with a hoodie upon seeing her."

"He's so sensitive! Oh my goodness! They were just joking!"

"If Aspie John wanted someone more like him, why didn't he just..."

The other kids in the classroom then start whispering about it and Aspie John overhears them, filling him with shame and embarrassment. He still misses Short Morena. Days before school graduation, Aspie John overhears two teachers discussing him and Anxious Jane:

"So, Anxious Jane is graduating soon"

"When Anxious Jane realizes how difficult it will be to communicate with Aspie John, she'll be crying"

"No, I think she'll be okay. She has plenty of friends and support"

Upon hearing this, two students sitting in the front row of Aspie John, a boy and a girl, whisper and immediately afterwards say to one another:

"Hi Mulatto Boy" - To an autistic child

"Hi Mulatta Girl"

Aspie John assumes they are laughing at him, as he is already anxious and very depressed on this particular day, given he has ASD-related attachment. He has no actual intention to "reconcile" with Anxious Jane, since she has a clear preference for "high status" White males. When a teacher asks him of his opinion of his time in the classroom, he simply responds with "Ambivalent".

As Aspie John leaves his classroom for the final time, the teacher provides him with copies of each homework sheet he submitted. Aspie John is very grateful and thanks him before leaving, with slightly teary eyes not visible to the teacher.

The story is now revived:

Aspie John, our dear protagonist, was always the insecure child of the classes he joined. He felt uncomfortable in the presence of tall, older males and felt discomfort among the femoids who coveted them.

A.J felt discomfort when Tyrone spoke about walking four miles daily. He felt discomfort when Tall White Kid kept a pack of cigarettes in his pocket and still earned a sit-by from Anxious Jane. He felt discomfort when Anxious Jane returned to school without her glasses to impress Tall White Kid. He was an insecure aspie who felt the need to prove himself against all those "opponents" and more.

There was a class switch. A new child joined Aspie John's class: Joshua. He was 13-years of age, blonde, 5'4 compared to Aspie John's 5'2, and obviously intelligent. For a time, Aspie John felt intimidated by Joshua's wisdom and reasoning abilities. At times, the two would raise their hands and subtly "compete". Joshua once complimented Aspie John for his attempt at building a house of cards.

The next child to join was "Jacques", a 5'2 Black boy about 12-years of age. He was highly considerate of Aspie John's anxiety and made sure to speak to him. He'd also sit by him daily.

"Aspie John, how are you today?"

"Aspie John, they weren't letting you participate, were they?"(The "Sheboons" in Aspie John's class did not like his help)

"Aspie John, do you want some of my Halloween candy?"(Aspie John's (then) religion prevented him from participating in Halloween; he declined)

Even so, Aspie John chose to keep his impending class switch hidden from Jacques, given his extreme discomfort in the class and his problems with the other Black youth present. He'd clean the black pencil case with hand sanitizer and hand wipes to distract himself from his low sense of self-worth.

Years later....

Aspie John's budding companionship with Short Morena is interrupted by the appearance of a new male: Mulatto Boy.

Mulatto Boy was nearly 16-years of age, 5'5, autistic, calm, and on-par with Aspie John in terms of intellect and subjects of interest. Aspie John immediately felt the discomfort of previous years return.

As the days went on, it was evident Mulatto Boy had taken a liking to Short Morena. He started offering advice to Short Morena for her flawed thinking, something Aspie John had desired to do for months. The two made eye contact and briefly debated politics as the stutterer Aspie John watched from the sidelines, unable to participate due to severe social anxiety. A.J felt like an undesirable child once again.

Sarah was a blonde girl and thirteen-years of age. She was an "Anxious Girl" who sometimes needed to use the "Sensory Room" to avoid meltdowns in the classroom. This girl's legs would shake incessantly during class time and she often spoke of cutting herself.

Aspie John gradually became comfortable seeing Jacques, Sarah and Joshua daily at school, though it was only Jacques who seemed most likely to become his acquaintance. They'd sit together during water breaks in the school lobby. On one lovely occasion, Aspie John and Jacques partnered together for a class assignment on "Peer Pressure", which went very well for both, though Aspie John was very coy about it.

Sadly, this was offset by bullying A.J received from other Black children in the class. Indeed, several kids were sent to the principal's office for laughing at Aspie John's autistic traits. They would also laugh at him on the school bus.

Following the death of her parents, Young Sarah was raised by her older sister, who often cried over her inability to help Sarah cope with chronic depression and anxiety.

Joshua's family life consisted of arguing with his step-mother. He often disagreed with her opinions.

Jacques came from a single-parent family. On one occasion, he joked about child abuse in the presence of a (regular) teacher and caused his family to undergo a Child Protective Services evaluation.

......

Aspie John came from a blended family consisting of himself, his mother, and his grandparents.

Revived:

Anthony was a White male with dark blonde hair, hazel eyes and pale skin. He was nearly 17-years of age and 5'3 in height.

Anthony was adopted into a well-off family due to circumstances unknown to Aspie John. Nevertheless, he was often depressed and often spoke of fighting with his 14-year-old sister over trivial adolescent matters, at times hitting her out of anger. Anthony expressed sorrow over the death of his adoptive father, which occurred several years prior to his entry into Special Ed.

For most of their time together in Special Ed, Anthony and Aspie John were fairly comfortable seeing one another on a daily basis. Anthony would sometimes ask Aspie John if he was okay or partner with him during class assignments(Twice; he was unable to read Aspie John's handwriting for the assignment on the second occasion).

One day, as Aspie John and Anthony were in class, the teacher referred to Aspie John's true age of 17-years of age instead of the younger age Aspie John provided to the other pupils. This upset Anthony, given he had developed slight closeness to Aspie John over the course of two months(Though it also made him feel better about his height; "I look like a little kid"; Anthony had never such things before). Anthony started to dislike Aspie John...

"Ugh, thank you..." (Anthony muttered in an annoyed tone as Aspie John stopped speaking due to his stuttering problem)

Shortly after Anthony's eventual switch to regular classes, a new boy joined Aspie John's class: Kevin

Kevin was 15-years of age, 5'8, Anglo and autistic. He was in the class for only a single day before being switched to another Special Ed classroom, but spent the day socializing with Short Morena. The two played a board game as Aspie John, who shared the table with them, focused on coloring.

Aspie John colored with a regular pencil since Short Morena was reaching over the plastic box of colored pencils to play with Kevin and our protagonist was much too anxious to ask her to move. Short Morena eventually stopped playing the game and briefly said, "I'm sorry, Aspie John...", after realizing her behavior was selfish.

The very next day, Joseph/Mulatto Boy joined A.J's class...

Children in Aspie John's Special Ed class were often referred to therapists outside the school setting. By sheer coincidence, Aspie John saw Joseph as he was leaving his therapist appointment. It seemed the two boys shared the same therapist, a middle-aged White male with expertise in pediatric ASD...

Aspie John rode on a "Special Needs" bus with The Innocents. The driver(Black) of that bus was eventually switched to another route due to conflict between himself and the youth he picked up daily. This includes the driver threatening children on the bus with a wrench and deliberately leaving them in forested areas as "punishment". He also encouraged Jamerson and Larry to exchange racial slurs