Was and still am ugly as shit, with disproportionately big cranium and hands. Abusive parents, I remember I was beaten up badly at age 5 because I ate a piece of candy after brushing my teeth. I was violent with the other kids as a result so I got ostracized and bullied.
At age 8 I was being bullied by some cunts so I took a pencil and cut one of them in the throat, but the pencil was dull so there was only a scratch. Left alone after that. Parents of other kids told my mother they were scared of me and so I was punished even more. Started derealizing through videogames (PS2 and NDS at the time, then Xbox360 and PC).
At age 9, no one came at my birthday, with my mother spending 10 days to bake me a Plants vs Zombies themed cake and modelling the characters recreating the grid. I still feel extremely sad for her thinking about it, even though she's a piece of shit manipulative foid who gaslighted me all of my life and only knows how to blackmail.
At age 10 I was recommended to go to therapy but the psychologist was a stupid foid, and for different reasons my father stopped sending me there.
At age 12 I got my PC (that I still have to this day) and I was a shut-in (except for school) playing games 10-12 hrs a day. I was bullied at school by a pack of stupid whores, with a landwhale and a sheboon monkey. It was hell cuz the teachers were all foids (except one) so I had to take it and not retaliate (sometimes I did and the bitch head teacher wanted to expel me but the Chad PE teacher kept her from destroying my life I owe him my existence). That's when I started thinking about suicide.
At age 14 I called CPS on my parents cuz the beatings got worse and the household was toxic as shit, I was blackmailed by my mother to act as if all was good once CPS operators stepped in and nothing happened. I got beaten afterwards.
Pandemic hit but I was glad, I hated everyone in my classroom and I could spend all day gaming, even during class. I confessed to a classmate I had a crush over, I was ghosted for a week and then friendzoned. Never again'd until senior year when I tried again and got used for school work and then refused with her saying "I'm not enough for you" blah blah. The brutal part is that both of them then went on to become the gfs of my two (at the time) closest friends. The suicidal ideation was at its peak by then.
I was jestermaxxing in class together with two friends who are blackpilled but are MTN and Chadlite so they pulled, was making the teachers' lives hell on earth (not the ones I respected tho) and basically made fun of everyone in that stupid fucking classroom every day, and nobody did a thing ever. Fucking normies, I swear.
Between 2018 and 2023 I spent most of my life online, playing either CS:GO or PlanetSide 2, a dead, long forgotten and obscure niche game that pulled me in because I found myself and my purpose in it. When it definitively died for me in 2023, it was like a piece of myself was lost forever.
At age 18 I enrolled in uni and contrary to my expectations, it was full of normies. I surely expected to find only autistic people and rational foids in mathematics undergrad but nope, it's only normies with 2 autists, one of which is like, not that functional, the other one of which tries to jestermaxx and fit in with the normies but I can feel that he just can't stoop down to their level. I don't have compulsory attendance so I mostly rot in my room all day until 1 month before exams so anxiety and fear arise and I get to hyperfocus and that's how I have a 28/30 average degree in my 2nd year even though I have no idea how I managed to achieve that and I don't feel particularly smart, I only feel the infinite dread of existence and the pain of being aware of one too many things. I'm 20.
I have started to ignore my irl acquaintances more because I recognize we're not on the same level.
Thank you for the question boss man, gave me a chance to get these things off my chest, since no one irl understands the pain (no one does nor can, I know, but at least here people sympathize). What is YOUR lore now?
