Blackpill What hurts most as an incel

[AtrociousCitizen]

I may as well be an alien.

Same.

 

[bigantennaemay1]

I never had irl friends. Had some online but drifted away, we are not that close to confide in each other anymore.

From family, i have my brother and sister and nephew, i dont expect them to care for my emotional state or to encourage me, as they have problems of their own. And especially as they wouldn't understand someone like me who exists only online.

What bothers me the most, its the lack of intimate closeness, like having someone who you could touch and hug and she to do it to you, and not feel awkward, not feel foreign. Someone you could be naked with and not feel ashamed, someone who would be the continuation of you, like two person in one body, to be comfortable with each others body like its mine also. Just having her sleeping next to me, someone you could hug and snuggle with and forget that entire world exists.

Intimate loneliness i guess?

Yes, the lack of intimacy is what really hits at the core. This is what I feel, and this was well put.

It seems silly, but it reminds me of a clip from The Simpsons that really hit me hard, even back in my childhood: when Bart sells his soul and gets nightmares, he sees himself on a boat, alone, and everyone else is cruising along in their boats of two, each with his or her own soul. And Bart is just stuck going in circles in one place, because he can only use one paddle at a time. That's how it is, except with our lost soul mates, instead of our own souls.

 

[bigantennaemay1]

i often had dreams imagining a person like this. but dreams will never come true. reality is a harsh one. i often contemplate if there was a chance where i can be vulnerable to a person of interest, but then again my distrust towards people and inability to function as a human completely ruins my chances. maybe in another life i can be human enough to be able to trust someone and be worthy of human connection.

I had daydreams of this, especially in high school and college, when it was strongest. Sadly, I don't dream, anymore; it just seems too unrealistic to even imagine.

 

[bigantennaemay1]

We are not humans, we dont get the human experience. Life robbed us blind, leaving us with nothing. I have both the emotional and physical capacity to love and connect but im simply not good enough.

We are victims of bad luck and circumstance, made to live out a lonely, hellish life, because we were deemed as something less.

 

[bigantennaemay1]

I know TFW bro

It's like being a ghost

Yeah, dead inside, eternally wandering alone, cold, confined to dark spaces. Even past memories from over even a half a decade ago seem to be alien, faint, almost like they were more of a story, dreamed up in some hallucination of a fever dream. Like we're not real, but we think we are.

 

[bigantennaemay1]

I was thinking about this the other day. The idea feels so foreign. I'll never feel the touch of a woman. Despite it being fairly common. I'll never be loved, hugged, kiss, or even get the ability to take a girl's first time. No one should have to suffer this fate because they didn't have the right bones at birth

We were destined for the sideline from before we were even born. It was literally over before it even began.

 

[bigantennaemay1]

God knows what he has dun to creation,

And is therefore evil for his knowing creation of ultimate suffering.

 

[Solid State]

I think it is the stigma that being labeled an "incel" carries with it, as well as being a "virgin" for somebody my age as I am 41. I can never be open about it in public because that would just be inviting trouble and endless personal inquiries from people.

 

[bigantennaemay1]

For me its about not even being seen as a normal human, not just by foids but normfags in general. The few times I've tried to talk to people irl, going out of my way to be social they all react the same as soon as they see me. They become wide eyed and speak in single words like they want me to go away asap, some have just straight up ignored me, whilst glaring. All because I look the way I do.

I may as well be an alien.

I put people off in more of a "creep" kind of way. I can't modulate my body language because of my Asperger's, which manifests in other ways that people pick up on, too. They're more inclined to treat me like a lost child who might be rabid than anything else, at least until I start to stand up for myself. And then it's just that I've done something foul, to offend.

 

[bigantennaemay1]

I’m literally born to suffer.


Nothing makes sense in the incel world. It’s like we were all entropy personified and nothing likes for us for no reason. Creation is horrifying

Cosmic horror fucks me up, man.

 

[bigantennaemay1]

Personally, what pains me the most is to think about all the things I have missed out on, and am currently missing out on; time which could have been expended on meaningful activities and making unforgettable memories — experiencing love, affection, intimacy, and connection — instead spent stewing in misery and longing for what is so clear, yet so far out of reach. It fills me with despair when I imagine gestures as simple as holding the hand of a girl that I love; simple moments that I will never be able to enjoy.

This was too relatable, man.

 

[bigantennaemay1]

I think it is the stigma that being labeled an "incel" carries with it, as well as being a "virgin" for somebody my age as I am 41. I can never be open about it in public because that would just be inviting trouble and endless personal inquiries from people.

I accidentally outed myself at my new job, so I'll be dealing with that for far too long, I wager.

 

[wagger12]

I accidentally outed myself at my new job, so I'll be dealing with that for far too long, I wager.

brutal

 

[bigantennaemay1]

brutal

Yeah, the damage is done. I have to ride it out, now.

 

[Cuckoja]

Yes, the lack of intimacy is what really hits at the core. This is what I feel, and this was well put.

It seems silly, but it reminds me of a clip from The Simpsons that really hit me hard, even back in my childhood: when Bart sells his soul and gets nightmares, he sees himself on a boat, alone, and everyone else is cruising along in their boats of two, each with his or her own soul. And Bart is just stuck going in circles in one place, because he can only use one paddle at a time. That's how it is, except with our lost soul mates, instead of our own souls.

Yeah, well said.

 

[erenyeager]

I think it is the stigma that being labeled an "incel" carries with it, as well as being a "virgin" for somebody my age as I am 41. I can never be open about it in public because that would just be inviting trouble and endless personal inquiries from people.

It’s not your fault your a virgin

 

[Solid State]

It’s not your fault your a virgin

Of course not, but to admit to it at this stage in life is a huge scarlet letter in the eyes of most people.

 

[erenyeager]

Of course not, but to admit to it at this stage in life is a huge scarlet letter in the eyes of most people.

Stop giving a shit about most people and make them pissed. Like I do. It actually made me feel better. I’m like a Hurricane to these people because my cock didn’t enter a hole. IMO most privileged peoples lives need a bit of suffering in em. Especially tall faggoted men. They need to be my size and have some ego death. Makes them taller personality wise

 

[bigantennaemay1]

It’s not your fault your a virgin

No, it's not. I know where the blame lies.

 

[OverLoner]

Not feeling normal, knowing I've missed out on experiences normies get with ease, and also knowing there's absolutely nothing I can do about it really. Even if some women took interest in me now it would be too late. The damage is done.

 

[Ambatukam Alone]

Great thread. For me it's not the more or less direct effects of inceldom (the pain, depression, loneliness, icy void, lack of emotionally engaging goals/purpose, etc) that's the worst part; which would definitely be bad enough, no doubt. It's that I was completely broken by it, crashed out so hard and publicly (with traces of it still available for people to look up as a bonus, if I ever get anywhere I can assume a good chance of having to explain myself and hope for compassion/understanding from a species that seems to very often lack both) that I can't view myself as someone who has any real/deeper respect/status/dignity left at all. I cracked, got close to ending it, assumed I was gonna do it and also believed completely batshit retarded shit and spewed that at others (basically the worst stuff you could cook up).

I've now restored some sense of values with the help of various online resources, tried to make up for what I can in my past, increased impulse control, got better sources of information, will never take psych "medication" again, etc. But there is no escaping or denying my past, in my opinion it (perhaps combined with the over decade-long depression) blocks any future possibility of having self-esteem, confidence, or feeling like a good person in any way. Because of this all I seem to be able to do in terms of productivity/positivity is to, against emotion and instinct, grab myself and fling myself at uninspired "goals" and then wait to see in which way I'll break.

 

[onetwothree]

Constant insecurity over immutable characteristics. Not having someone to share experiences with, hurts more when you realise the contrast with others living a happy life.

 

[bigantennaemay1]

lack of emotionally engaging goals/purpose

You know, I've never been able to put this to words before, but this one is a real sinker, here. It's hard to find fulfillment in achievement without that emotional engagement, which seems lacking when you're alone. Everything seems to fall flat, even though, in all respects, it shouldn't.

 

[Rapistcel]

For me, personally. It's not the lack of reproduction, as I really couldn't care less about spawning crotch fruit. It's not the sexlessness, as though it hurts, my hand does the trick to relieve the pain. It's not even the loneliness or the skin hunger, though it bothers me deeply, and they torment me relentlessly.

No, it's the fact that the people in my life don't seem to give a single, flying shit about the relentless pain and unending torment that I deal with on an hourly basis, and have dealt with for more than two miserable decades of my life. My father's oblivious and doesn't seem to even notice, neither of my brothers seem to give any sort of fuck about what I'm going through. My friends, few as they are, seem far more concerned about what I can do for them, than even bothering to ask if I'm okay, and if I'm making it through all the struggles I face. My guardian angel, or whatever suffices for the damn thing, seems to be doing the bare minimum to keep me out of mortal trouble and peril, a regular punch-clock douche who has no passion for his job.

The inceldom, though brutal, relentless, and hell, I can deal with. I have my various copes, my games, my music, my beer and weed, though the former have been infiltrated and destroyed by casuals/posers and liberal idealogues alike, but I thankfully still have old/underground things to enjoy. But the fact that people who expect me to care about them show nothing in return just cuts deeply. I find myself facing a cold, heartless truth: that being, I don't really feel like I give a single fucking shit about any of them, anymore.

Even my own incel community has been laid waste, by banishment from our origins, and the invasion of niggers and curries trolling the main forum spaces, glowies posting bait and thoughtless spam, pedophiles, commies, and liberal scum.

The real problem with inceldom is that I don't just feel alone; I feel abandoned.

Lack of physical intimacy