
J.D.S.
Greycel
★
- Joined
- May 27, 2022
- Posts
- 21
For a year I tried to be a better person. For a year I tried to be a normie.
Nothing I did mattered.
First I tried to go out with someone I knew from HS for clubbing. Result? First I had to endure hours of listening to his rambelings about hitting it off with some french girl in Spain and how the bitch only knew him for 10 minutes before letting him hit it. Following that, every time he hit it off with a chick that literally danced into his arms (She must have felt his good "FACEonality" energy field JFL) and left me at the club. When I was standing outside, surrounded by people I have nothing in common with, I realized that Inceldom is way more than just not hitting it off in the looks departement. It is a feeling of fundamentally being unable to relate to the lifes of other people. Even if I self improooooooooveee to the point where I look like one of the Gen Z clowns complete with the mushroom haircut, it won´t change who I am. Having failed in your teenage years means you can´t relate to the massive amount of experiences people have had 14 - 19. They went to clubs. They went to parties. They traveled the world and had gfs. They have a circle of friends that will support them when they are down and out. My only emotional support and friend was the E-Vodka I sipped on while letting that realization sink in.
But I wasn´t going to give up after that first failiure. I went to Uni more regularly, tried to connect to people. Do you know that feeling when people just don´t want to talk to you? When they start giving short answers and try looking around to find someone else to have a conversation with? That was 99% of my time wasted there. The other 1% are those people who - when you first see them and they look at you - you already know that they hate your guts for something about you. The majority in here should know this look people - especially women - give you when they are disgusted at your very existence. It´s like they can sense that something is off, like you are just pretending to be a normal person but deep down you are still the incel you´ve always been, merely dressing up to appear normal.
Last anecdote: I tried to help someone I knew from HS with his project. The kind of people who only ever call you if they need something from you. So I tried my best at something I never did before while my "friend" stayed at home and gave me instructions over the phone. Predictably - despite trying my best and staying up for 10 hours - I did something wrong and messed up. Friendship ended on the spot.
There are lots of stories like this. The entire year was just one bad fever dream of the same pattern. I try to improve my social life, but wherever I go I face a brick wall of disregard, disinterest and in some of the worst cases - malice. Unsurpisingly the people who treat you the worst all are above average in looks and have a stable relationship. When they stalk their exes or bully some ugly co-worker their actions are met with a shouldershrug. Their input has 0, nada, null effect on their love life or the amount of passionate friends their garner.
So at some point I left it at that. Because what´s the point, all you can control is the level of your own socializing, but you can´t control peoples response to it. That´s what IT and the other people who´s advice consists of "Just try harder bruh" fundamentally fail to grasp. If you are maximizing a function of social success described by f(x)=0, then no matter how you try to push your input variable, nothing you do changes the outcome. It was predetermined the moment you were born. It is the same logic as to which ITlers and normies become ultra-capitalists and develope a fetish for perfect markets once the topic of a dating market comes up. They believe that all individuals have the same chances and all that matters is how bad you want a relationship and how much you are willing to do for it - the same basic bitch economic ultility reasoning that they reject once we look at any other market for the same reason we reject their low IQ take on the dating market. Because the underlying assumption that all people have an equal chance at realizing their utility and that thus ressources will be distributed according to need is - simply put - wrong.
Every action your parents took, how/wether they raised you, socialized you, loved you - it informed your actions and beliefs as a child, which in turn informed the actions of other kids. Your looks are another variable put into the equation, determining how your actions are perceived. Maybe you were bullied but you later develped average or above average looks, which reduced bullying. Maybe you stayed ugly and people kept bullying you. Contrary to copers like Alfred Adler that believe that our past traumas don't define our future, I believe that the past determines the future. How you look influences the way people treat (tread over) you - how people treat you influences the way you feel, your self esteem, your beliefs about life - which influences your actions that in turn inform the people around you.
A fundamental lesson I have learnt is that - no matter what I do, how I try to be a better person - the outcome is the exact same as if I behaved self absorbed. If nothing I do matters, if wether I behave in one way or another is irrelevant to the outcome of my actions, then what is the point in going the extra mile and being a better person?
Nothing I did mattered.
First I tried to go out with someone I knew from HS for clubbing. Result? First I had to endure hours of listening to his rambelings about hitting it off with some french girl in Spain and how the bitch only knew him for 10 minutes before letting him hit it. Following that, every time he hit it off with a chick that literally danced into his arms (She must have felt his good "FACEonality" energy field JFL) and left me at the club. When I was standing outside, surrounded by people I have nothing in common with, I realized that Inceldom is way more than just not hitting it off in the looks departement. It is a feeling of fundamentally being unable to relate to the lifes of other people. Even if I self improooooooooveee to the point where I look like one of the Gen Z clowns complete with the mushroom haircut, it won´t change who I am. Having failed in your teenage years means you can´t relate to the massive amount of experiences people have had 14 - 19. They went to clubs. They went to parties. They traveled the world and had gfs. They have a circle of friends that will support them when they are down and out. My only emotional support and friend was the E-Vodka I sipped on while letting that realization sink in.
But I wasn´t going to give up after that first failiure. I went to Uni more regularly, tried to connect to people. Do you know that feeling when people just don´t want to talk to you? When they start giving short answers and try looking around to find someone else to have a conversation with? That was 99% of my time wasted there. The other 1% are those people who - when you first see them and they look at you - you already know that they hate your guts for something about you. The majority in here should know this look people - especially women - give you when they are disgusted at your very existence. It´s like they can sense that something is off, like you are just pretending to be a normal person but deep down you are still the incel you´ve always been, merely dressing up to appear normal.
Last anecdote: I tried to help someone I knew from HS with his project. The kind of people who only ever call you if they need something from you. So I tried my best at something I never did before while my "friend" stayed at home and gave me instructions over the phone. Predictably - despite trying my best and staying up for 10 hours - I did something wrong and messed up. Friendship ended on the spot.
There are lots of stories like this. The entire year was just one bad fever dream of the same pattern. I try to improve my social life, but wherever I go I face a brick wall of disregard, disinterest and in some of the worst cases - malice. Unsurpisingly the people who treat you the worst all are above average in looks and have a stable relationship. When they stalk their exes or bully some ugly co-worker their actions are met with a shouldershrug. Their input has 0, nada, null effect on their love life or the amount of passionate friends their garner.
So at some point I left it at that. Because what´s the point, all you can control is the level of your own socializing, but you can´t control peoples response to it. That´s what IT and the other people who´s advice consists of "Just try harder bruh" fundamentally fail to grasp. If you are maximizing a function of social success described by f(x)=0, then no matter how you try to push your input variable, nothing you do changes the outcome. It was predetermined the moment you were born. It is the same logic as to which ITlers and normies become ultra-capitalists and develope a fetish for perfect markets once the topic of a dating market comes up. They believe that all individuals have the same chances and all that matters is how bad you want a relationship and how much you are willing to do for it - the same basic bitch economic ultility reasoning that they reject once we look at any other market for the same reason we reject their low IQ take on the dating market. Because the underlying assumption that all people have an equal chance at realizing their utility and that thus ressources will be distributed according to need is - simply put - wrong.
Every action your parents took, how/wether they raised you, socialized you, loved you - it informed your actions and beliefs as a child, which in turn informed the actions of other kids. Your looks are another variable put into the equation, determining how your actions are perceived. Maybe you were bullied but you later develped average or above average looks, which reduced bullying. Maybe you stayed ugly and people kept bullying you. Contrary to copers like Alfred Adler that believe that our past traumas don't define our future, I believe that the past determines the future. How you look influences the way people treat (tread over) you - how people treat you influences the way you feel, your self esteem, your beliefs about life - which influences your actions that in turn inform the people around you.
A fundamental lesson I have learnt is that - no matter what I do, how I try to be a better person - the outcome is the exact same as if I behaved self absorbed. If nothing I do matters, if wether I behave in one way or another is irrelevant to the outcome of my actions, then what is the point in going the extra mile and being a better person?