same thing happend to me in school too. My friendgroup always thought i killed myself whenever i didnt show up ( i was absent alot) "hey where is itsover9000? he probably killed himself."
Tbh school itself was brutal they were all rich, i was the only poor one, i didnt grow up with my parents and they always used to make fun of that, we had like 3 cl in the group, rest normie and some ltn. I was even below ltn. Imagine a friendgroup where everyone is way richer, way taller (6'0 - 6'7), perfect family life, high social class, way more good looking, way more smarter (they got prices for their accomplishments in math chemisty e.g, Getting invited to universities to join some club), perfect grades, big house, big garden, another house in the garden and then there is just me being fucking ovER in every aspect, standing next to them.
No hope. I was always a joke, being poor af to the point where teachers used to joke about me and fellow students whom i thought of as friends. (if ur sub5 u have no friends). Teachers also used to joke about my face, just in class for no reason.
i was and still am weak, short, ugly & stupid. One time a girl from pe class walked towards me and said "im scared of you", like for no reason, she looked me deep in the eyes and said that. I was just minding my business. Just sitting in the bus. I tried not having friends because of the mog and jokes, as well as the differences in social hierachy but i found myself wandering mindlessly alone and people kept talking about me being alone, some girl even said out loud "look itsover9000 is always alone he has no friends, someone should be his friend" over. true and over. She would also mock me for my subheight. When i tried to build something a net idk in pe class she said dont bother ur short. I saw her bf, 6'7 chadlite, its over. Once i stood up to show my work to the teacher another girl commented "itsover9000 since when were u so short? HAHAHA ur so short".
Being alone is brutal but having no friends at all even worse. You need some level of cope to endure it.
Just walking by another school i got threatend for my looks. No peace for your face. Once i was sitting with my mogger friendgroup and a guy came up to me with some spare change "u look like u need it". He laughed while saying that with his 2 friends. He was taller than me too, about 6 foot, chadlite, i beg he was rich too, his clothes looked expensive. I know i look poor, i am poor. My clothes were a bit worn off, a bit too short. I looked poor, i accepted that. Cant change ur family. Being born into a subhuman poor ugly short gambling insane maniac alcoholic narcissist family i never stood a chance.
Before i had my mogging friendgroup that mogged me to Oblivion and beyond i was alone and i tried approaching them, but they looked at me and said out loud "why are you following us, go away, dont keep coming back" i didnt know what to do cause going to the bathroom every break is just boring, too brutal to endure. So i searched for friends, people who might tolerate me. But in the beginning they didnt tolerate me. After they screamed at me i ran to the toilets again, alone, defeated, shitting bricks. Some jestering later they tolerated me. So i endured the jokes, having a friendgroup that rich and smart is helpful ,especially if u lack brains and everything else, they used to help me with school stuff. And teachers graded me better beacuse i hanged out with them, they are smart = so i am smart.
But Sometimes i wish i just went to a retard school and kys while attending.
We also had some field trips. I couldnt attend due to being poor, no money for your bus ticket. Also i didnt even know how to get on the bus and read the plan. At 13, imagine that. I also used to get panic attacks figuring out how to show the bus driver my ticket, legit sweaty and nervous, heart beating really fast, scared. Just retarded i shouldnt be alive. But weirdly i could read the plan and had no issues taking the bus when i was in elementary school idk what happend but suddenly i got retarded. The teachers always got angry for me not attending but what am i gonna do open a gofundme for bustickets? hahahaha, should i beg on the streets?
I tried playing soccer when i was younger, but having no talent and no money i never stood a chance. Most of the time i couldnt even attend the training, let alone the games. We didnt have a car, mother rather used to go out with friends instead and didnt give me any money. So its just me in my small room playing with this cheap ass ball, trying tricks but failing hard. Also my trainer always commented on me being poor, like constantly. I lost motivation and also i had no talent so it never even began. No hobbies for me. Never tried anything after that, like competing with others in a sport. Whats the point. I had forgotten most of that stuff but know i remember again. Brutal.
thats just some of brutal experiences. A miniscule tiny part of the bottomless pit of its over experiences.
