Nothing related to halloween, nothing related to any outside forces. My mind just doesn't work right, I obsess over things that only matter to me because i'm terminally online and have disease, I can't even explain it well enough to the doctors. They can't possibly cure, all the so called medicine the give either makes it worse or does nothing at all. I never used to be like this, i used to care about this kind of stuff but it's just so strong the obsessions I can't stop it, i can't ignore it, I can't distract myself i can't do anything. I tried working out today can got through only 2 sets, the pain was just too much. I don't want to die but i want it to go away and for good just like when i was young it wasn't there the compulsions if any were so easily manageable but today they are unbearable. The healthcare system in my country is such a joke, they have no solutions, they have got nothing. I can't even get a proper autism diagnosis unless i wait several years and who knows i might have succumbed to everything, because you know it would be manageable if i had someone super close to me, someone who loved me outside of family members, someone who could understand. But i don't my parents can only do so much. I hate this.
