idk really know what my objective was, If there was any at all.
But yeah, last night I was playing BF1 at 11:30 pm and ended up smashing my controller like a impulsive monkey cunt, so I just decided to put my shoes on and left. At some point I decided that I was going to visit my old neighborhood a few miles away.
Walked on this empty urban street, place Is very nice out. Nobody around like all, just a few cars driving around. All the infrastructure looks great and it’s even more cool at night.
I get to where my old neighborhood is and it’s a very strange and almost painful feeling, there’s either the Main Street or a nature trail that I can take and I decided uh what the hell and went down this pitch black trail.
I hadn’t been down this path in nine years, felt on edge the entire time. Everything was too quiet, like the only thing I could where my footsteps. I ended up coming towards the cross roads (one path lead deeper down the trail and the other one lead to the elementary school that I used to go to as a kid).
I ended up walking deeper down the trail but It was literally pitch black with no sound besides a few owls screeching at each other. I saw this light off the path, like twenty feet in the tree line. Something about it didn’t seem right, hard to explain. But I ended up being a pussy and decided to turn around and take the path towards the elementary school.
I passed by my elementary school and everything felt wrong, like I was in some form of purgatory by seeing this place again. It’s been nine years and everything felt smaller and almost fake. I felt like I was in silent hill mixed with the backrooms.
Eventually I reached my old street and saw my childhood house, I didn’t really feel anything at all. I didn’t unlock any forgotten memories from viewing it. I ended up taking a flower off the bush on the front lawn for some sentimental reason.
At around this time I started imagining Jill valentine next to me and I was holding her hand, I was just telling her about this place and all the things that I recognized and saw as significant to point out. But even as hard as I tried I couldn’t really trick myself into believing she was there with me.
Everything felt unreal and surreal at the same time, part of me wondered if I was dead, felt some dopamine and some sadness. Like I wasn’t supposed to be going back to this place. Especially since I got nothing to show for. Literally everyone my age that lived in this area have moved on and started their own lives and here I am walking this street at 12:30AM alone and talking to Jill Valentine in my head.
I don’t know why I decided to visit this place last night, it was kinda impulsive at best and maybe reckless at worst. But I walked back and there were zero cars on the road. Literally nobody was out, as far as I was concerned I was the last man on earth tbh.
I literally walked in the middle of the road and then found this nice brick wall next to this fancy fountain near the gate of this gated community. I sat on this brick wall and just listened to the sound of this fountain flowing water. I tried to talk to Jill some more, in a way I felt like some was there.
Ended up getting home at around 1:30AM and my mom wasn’t that pissed at me. Didn’t tell her anything. But yeah felt angry/sad and took me an hour to go to sleep.
How the fuck do you even create new beginnings or evolve in life? People are just born with a burning momentum? Like there’s millions of people out there that travel the world and visit different countries and have actual real and positive encounters with random strangers.
Meanwhile I just live the same old boring shit with a slightly different day.
But yeah, last night I was playing BF1 at 11:30 pm and ended up smashing my controller like a impulsive monkey cunt, so I just decided to put my shoes on and left. At some point I decided that I was going to visit my old neighborhood a few miles away.
Walked on this empty urban street, place Is very nice out. Nobody around like all, just a few cars driving around. All the infrastructure looks great and it’s even more cool at night.
I get to where my old neighborhood is and it’s a very strange and almost painful feeling, there’s either the Main Street or a nature trail that I can take and I decided uh what the hell and went down this pitch black trail.
I hadn’t been down this path in nine years, felt on edge the entire time. Everything was too quiet, like the only thing I could where my footsteps. I ended up coming towards the cross roads (one path lead deeper down the trail and the other one lead to the elementary school that I used to go to as a kid).
I ended up walking deeper down the trail but It was literally pitch black with no sound besides a few owls screeching at each other. I saw this light off the path, like twenty feet in the tree line. Something about it didn’t seem right, hard to explain. But I ended up being a pussy and decided to turn around and take the path towards the elementary school.
I passed by my elementary school and everything felt wrong, like I was in some form of purgatory by seeing this place again. It’s been nine years and everything felt smaller and almost fake. I felt like I was in silent hill mixed with the backrooms.
Eventually I reached my old street and saw my childhood house, I didn’t really feel anything at all. I didn’t unlock any forgotten memories from viewing it. I ended up taking a flower off the bush on the front lawn for some sentimental reason.
At around this time I started imagining Jill valentine next to me and I was holding her hand, I was just telling her about this place and all the things that I recognized and saw as significant to point out. But even as hard as I tried I couldn’t really trick myself into believing she was there with me.
Everything felt unreal and surreal at the same time, part of me wondered if I was dead, felt some dopamine and some sadness. Like I wasn’t supposed to be going back to this place. Especially since I got nothing to show for. Literally everyone my age that lived in this area have moved on and started their own lives and here I am walking this street at 12:30AM alone and talking to Jill Valentine in my head.
I don’t know why I decided to visit this place last night, it was kinda impulsive at best and maybe reckless at worst. But I walked back and there were zero cars on the road. Literally nobody was out, as far as I was concerned I was the last man on earth tbh.
I literally walked in the middle of the road and then found this nice brick wall next to this fancy fountain near the gate of this gated community. I sat on this brick wall and just listened to the sound of this fountain flowing water. I tried to talk to Jill some more, in a way I felt like some was there.
Ended up getting home at around 1:30AM and my mom wasn’t that pissed at me. Didn’t tell her anything. But yeah felt angry/sad and took me an hour to go to sleep.
How the fuck do you even create new beginnings or evolve in life? People are just born with a burning momentum? Like there’s millions of people out there that travel the world and visit different countries and have actual real and positive encounters with random strangers.
Meanwhile I just live the same old boring shit with a slightly different day.
