A schizo take on my recent mental downfall. Now I know I was mentally fucked up before. No questions asked, ever since I was born till now trauma was basically my monday's breakfast.
But recently, well not recently, back on April 2025 something was different. I won't go too much into detail, but the point is that ever since that fucking Easter, my mind started to break and shatter. By each day the information that I used to have, to the coping mechanism that I had to help me keep on going were starting to get supressed by my subconscious mind. It got so bad to the point that I felt like I was losing my mind. I could even feel my brain getting turned inside out, it was horrible.
Now what does this section have to do with my current predicament. As I mentioned before, the fact that only recently I started to have this mental downfall is uncanny and suspicious as fuck. I used to take trauma as if I was fucking Superman of the mind, only then when I started to research more about the JQ, the nature of reality, the theology of gnosticism, normie and foid nature and the problem of evil I had this breakdown.
And yes, you could say that I took so much information to the point that my mind couldn't take it anymore, but as I was learning so did I form coping mechanism to relieve the stress and make it as bearable as possible. It was specifically these coping mechanism and the detailed information that I learned that got supressed.
The trauma, the surgeries, the abuse from school, still there. Infact they came back to the surface of my consciousness like a speeding train. It got so bad that it practically got me addicted to sleeping, just to relieve the pain. Even normal stuff like playing video games or watching movies, became chores to me.
Convenient isn't it? What if it was the Demiurge or one of his archons that was behind this? Think about it, I was learning so much, going too deep into rabbit holes and with the fact that I already had a troubled past I was basically the best loosh resource these motherfuckers could extract from. But as I was learning, so did I develop these coping mechanism that helped me to keep on going. They were so well made that the suffering that I used to feel back in the day was now just a minor inconvenience to me.
So basically I started to cheat their system and actually have some sort of personal heaven. They couldn't have that so they took away all the tools that helped me, resurfaced my past traumas and kept a little bit of the information that I learned to intense the pain.
I mean it's so ridiculously absurd that I started to have some form of pseudo dementia and amnesia right when I started to learn and cheat the system.
What do you think?
But recently, well not recently, back on April 2025 something was different. I won't go too much into detail, but the point is that ever since that fucking Easter, my mind started to break and shatter. By each day the information that I used to have, to the coping mechanism that I had to help me keep on going were starting to get supressed by my subconscious mind. It got so bad to the point that I felt like I was losing my mind. I could even feel my brain getting turned inside out, it was horrible.
Now what does this section have to do with my current predicament. As I mentioned before, the fact that only recently I started to have this mental downfall is uncanny and suspicious as fuck. I used to take trauma as if I was fucking Superman of the mind, only then when I started to research more about the JQ, the nature of reality, the theology of gnosticism, normie and foid nature and the problem of evil I had this breakdown.
And yes, you could say that I took so much information to the point that my mind couldn't take it anymore, but as I was learning so did I form coping mechanism to relieve the stress and make it as bearable as possible. It was specifically these coping mechanism and the detailed information that I learned that got supressed.
The trauma, the surgeries, the abuse from school, still there. Infact they came back to the surface of my consciousness like a speeding train. It got so bad that it practically got me addicted to sleeping, just to relieve the pain. Even normal stuff like playing video games or watching movies, became chores to me.
Convenient isn't it? What if it was the Demiurge or one of his archons that was behind this? Think about it, I was learning so much, going too deep into rabbit holes and with the fact that I already had a troubled past I was basically the best loosh resource these motherfuckers could extract from. But as I was learning, so did I develop these coping mechanism that helped me to keep on going. They were so well made that the suffering that I used to feel back in the day was now just a minor inconvenience to me.
So basically I started to cheat their system and actually have some sort of personal heaven. They couldn't have that so they took away all the tools that helped me, resurfaced my past traumas and kept a little bit of the information that I learned to intense the pain.
I mean it's so ridiculously absurd that I started to have some form of pseudo dementia and amnesia right when I started to learn and cheat the system.
What do you think?
