it's just the way they impose it on us , i literally don't get acknowledged 90% of the time,normies try to sabotage me but i dodge it by wearing a NT mask that pretends to not see it, nobody talks to me,nobody wants to know my name , i dread the hours i have to work at during school breaks because they're a constant reminder of how worthless i am , i reached a point where some performative femoid asked me to switch seat and said sir made my day, a point where if a noticed a femoid on the street acknowledged me i'd feel a glimpse of positivity ,a point where when my own sister touched me hand i got an erection ,a moment where i wake up happy after dreaming that i got basic respect from ppl not always held with contempt and excluded, i stayed up last night studying and the staring into vain brought everything that brought me to this state back remember the root of every insecurity and encounter and interaction ,every look and subtle body language i received ,every mog i had the misfortune to experience ,my shitty ugly parents should've never been allowed to reproduce they're fucking cousins that's how i hate islam because it allowed this shit because it was written by a bunch of retards i dread that i have to exist to be a side character in chad's life a mere contrast to make him feel superior , i fucking hate the "friends" i have to pass time with at school ,all more NT than me ,all receive female attention,all have actual lives and don't live in a shothole neighbourhood, i still hold the belief that ugly ppl who procreate are worthless and less than cattle ,ui'm so fucking deprived of every basic thing that i'm so sure my mind has been rewired never allowing me to snap back, i'm ready to die rn if it means i reincarnate as the CL "friend" i have and get to enjoy the joy of entering a room and having the beckies silenced from ur mere face ,having beckies in ur dms like it's nothing,getting to enjoy life to its fullest,not having to endure life in a sunhuman face and height
i'm going to write a long post soon about every single thing that shaped me as I'm now