5 foot 5
- Oct 30, 2021
- 10d 10h 6m
Stupid whores faking social anxiety they haven’t had to work a day of their lives!
Intellau_Celistic said:Sadly, Chadlito used this fact to torment me in the youth commune; he and his friends would constantly slam their room doors to startle me. I'd have to block my ears.
He'd go into his room and start speaking Spanish in an extremely cocky tone afterwards(Vile laughter).
Intellau_Celistic said:I've never been in the "dating game"; I realized I was too neuro-atypical during my second mental breakdown.
Intellau_Celistic said:Yes, I hate social events as a whole. I can barely go outside without feeling jittery and sweaty.
Shannon Bosanac(Severe social anxiety) loves them:
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I'm sorry; I couldn't resist.
Dude enough with this Shannon rose bosanac shit lmfaoIntellau_Celistic said:Our story begins in 2013. Intellau was 15, and Shannon was 12. It's a story of inequality in group therapy.
I was an anxious fifteen-year-old with MDD and GAD. Each day, I was filled with crippling anxiety/"hazy depression" and would often start "shaking" on the way to group therapy. They gave me stress balls so I would stop fidgeting with my hands during therapy time. Still, the group psychologist considered me "NT" and often criticized me for my failure to make eye contact with other people in the room/failure to speak to other group youth(Social cue problems).
Shannon Rose Bosanac was a twelve-year-old with "social anxiety" and "depression". During group therapy, I was told to speak to Shannon, which was ignored because she preferred a taller, older boy over me and sat near him daily. The psychologists eventually switched Shannon to another group out of concern for her "progress"(They believed I was "negatively influencing" her by behaving in accordance with my illnesses); Shannon would mimic my neuro-atypical gestures to get attention.
Interesting given Shannon had little issue chatting with friends/associates outside of group therapy. Observe:
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(Shannon, Carlie, Mariah)
Note that I had no friends or associates outside of group therapy and yet was being asked to pander to a pretty White lass with shallow thinking. This was during a time when I was being verbally and physically abused by one of my parents for being unable to function like NTs.
Yes. 2016 was much different. I spent hours sitting alone in my room with bottles of urine and sacks of feces because of severe depression/anxiety. I was barely eating and suffering from visual sensory overload/paranoia, which often caused me to curdle into a ball and cry. I received little help for these problems.
As for Shannon Rose...homecoming! Raves! Worship from mentally-ill orbiters! Partial hospitalization for her "severe mental illnesses"! Two stints in the psychiatric hospital! Anything for Queen Shay!
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As for my "coping"(Full-fledged LDAR/mental breakdown)?
Anyway, skipping ahead by several years...
Sheer vanity and privilege. Filth.
Intellau_Celistic said:No; Shannon Rose B had several boyfriends waiting at home as she flirted with loiro Chris in group therapy.
I dropped a pencil during a private chat:
"Oh, that's right. We have to keep our voices down because Intellau liked her"(Group Psychologist; male)
"Why does he even want her? She already has a boyfriend"(Understudy)
Note that she was flirting heavily with Chris often.
"I told those two to cut it out, like, 'Hey, that's not appropriate'"(Group Psychologist)
He would always quiet down if he thought I was listening to their chats.
Intellau_Celistic said:Yours will be better than this man's, I assume:
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Disclaimer: I spent mine struggling to maintain focus on the subbed version of the DBS: Broly movie. I was severely depressed and spent most of those winter months napping.
Intellau_Celistic said:Yes, I remember group therapy well...
Shannon Rose Bosanac frowned at me because I looked at her briefly during "process group". The group leader responded by placing her in another group out of concern for her progress/"mental safety".
Intellau_Celistic said:Given that we are of different races, I believe it was also due to an incident involving an "interracial pairing" in the group. The male of that pairing took the (White) female outside and did "things" with her near a river.
Intellau_Celistic said:He was actually fairly respectful. That adolescent was in group therapy for severe depression and had already attempted suicide twice(Placing a rifle to his head, overdosing on Celexa on his last day of hospitalization).
He helped me pick up our "goal sheets" after I dropped them while handing them out. S.R.B simply sat in her chair and watched as the papers fell near her feet(She also started omitting her name from her goal sheets). More interested in being near tall Chadlite.
He was scheduled to leave Wisconsin within a few weeks to live with his mother in Florida(He was living with grandparents).
Intellau_Celistic said:The protagonist of our story is a man named "Aspie John" and involves a woman named "Anxious Jane".
Aspie John meets Anxious Jane in "High School".
Anxious Jane is in Special Ed for severe anxiety, and so is Aspie John. Aspie John and Anxious Jane appear to have some mutual attraction at times, given Anxious Jane would always make the same "anxious" hand-fiddling gestures as Aspie John and would wear a shirt with his favorite color: "Blue". When Aspie John dropped a stack of homework sheets on one occasion, Anxious Jane wrote a "message" for him on her sheet the very next day.
Anxious Jane, however, always manages to next to the tallest kid in the room, which is odd given he sits alone in an otherwise empty row of desks. When Tall Kid helps the teacher pick up classroom litter, Anxious Jane suddenly bolts up and quickly joins them. Aspie John remains seated due to anxiety. After some time, Tall Kid starts to sit with other kids in the classroom, leaving Anxious Jane sitting alone each day. He sits across from Aspie John.
Three years later...
Aspie John and Anxious Jane are in different Special Ed classrooms. Anxious Jane speaks of wanting to be in a "relationship" with Aspie John. There is a catch, however: Anxious Jane regularly wears ponytails and make-up for the Tall Kid in her new classroom. She would flirt with this man in class(Which frustrated her teacher) and would also chat with him over text and social media, all while sometimes making friendly gestures towards Aspie John in passing through the hallway.
On a certain occasion, though, Aspie John encounters Anxious Jane in a hospital lab waiting room. Anxious Jane makes "romantic" gestures towards Aspie John. Aspie John, being a very coy man, is reluctant to approach Anxious Jane. As he prepares to approach her, he recalls her heavy flirtation with Tall Kid in her new classroom. He also remembers hearing her teacher say, "Why is Anxious Jane flirting with Tall Kid? She already has a boyfriend."
He then decides to ignore her and covers himself with a hoodie.
A few days later, Aspie John overhears a teacher speaking of himself and Anxious Jane - "He's so sensitive! Oh my goodness! They were just joking!" - Note that this is after months of flirting and closeness between Anxious Jane and Tall Kid. Shortly after that, Anxious Jane flirts with Tall Kid in her classroom, telling him "P-Please don't call my phone number".
An interesting story of "signals" and cues, yes?
Intellau_Celistic said:Correct. Let me continue with the story of Aspie John:
In Special Ed, Aspie John was referred to the school psychologist. The school psychologist, who also saw Anxious Jane, encouraged Aspie John to speak to Anxious Jane.
"You should speak to Jane!"(S.P)
"I'm not sure..."(A.J)
"Try speaking to Anxious Jane! She would love to have someone to speak to!"(S.P)
"Okay, I think I'll try..."(A.J)
Aspie John would go home anxiously each day and think incessantly of his fellow classmates. He would feel very, depressed, jittery and uncomfortable due to a restless mind. Thinking of Anxious Jane only worsened it.
The teacher criticized Aspie John several times for his inability to socialize with Anxious Jane, who had little problem socializing with kids at social clubs she attended. She would criticize Aspie John's statements of "Managing his classroom anxiety" yet constantly gave Anxious Jane exemptions for her inability to recount her night(The teacher would ask everyone about it daily).
Furthermore, Anxious Jane was desired by nearly every male in the class. Aspie John was ignored to the extent of needing the teacher(Or, on one occasion, the Hispanic kid) to do class activities. One boy quickly sat near Anxious Jane and wrapped his arms around her during a class project.
"Jane, It's okay sweetie. Come pair with me."
As for the "speaking", Anxious Jane's hand-fiddling gestures, as well as her decision to mimic several of Aspie John's other avoidant behaviors, led to criticism from the Phys. Ed teacher, who said:
"Jane was playing with her hands instead of working on her activities. I think we have a dynamic there. Keep that in check."
Anxious Jane then frowned at Aspie John and started coming to school without her glasses(To impress Tall Kid).
Aspie John was also switched to other classroom duties after Anxious Jane wrote her "message" to him via homework.
A certain (respectable) Hispanic boy said of Jane:
"Is Jane still going to be in our classroom?"(He asked this after Aspie John was told that he would remain in the current classroom; unprovoked information)
"No. She'll be switched into the other classroom."(Teacher)
Anxious Jane stopped coming to school until she was switched into another classroom for reasons unknown to Aspie John. She was, of course, shifting to Option #1: Tall Kid.
Intellau_Celistic said:Our dear protagonist, Aspie John, enjoys another day during his stint in class when he encounters a new kid: Short Morena.
Short Morena is a depressed, somewhat anxious girl of about fifteen-years of age with bipolar disorder. She has mood swings, chronic migraines and a clear distaste for vain youth, much like Aspie John. He also notices her similar self-harm behaviors. They do not immediately chat, however.
After a month or so, Aspie John develops an attraction to Short Morena, since she is humble, serious and non-flirtatious, something quite different from the behavior/personality of Anxious Jane. The two participate in a gym activity with the Phys. Ed teacher, during which Short Morena grabs Aspie John's hand to help him cross the web used for the activity. He thanks her and the two receive praise from the Phys Ed. teacher for working together. In another gym activity involving sports, she offers advice to Aspie John as he struggles to push a puck with a stick due to his motor coordination problems.
Short Morena begins to greet Aspie John, which he responds to with "Hello". Days go on, and Short Morena asks Aspie John if he wishes to play a game with her, since he sits alone daily and stutters, which he declines. One day, the class prepares to go outside for a walk, which causes Short Morena to speak to Aspie John:
"Shouldn't you get your jacket, Aspie John?"
"Yes, I think I should..."
Short Morena then informs the teacher, and Aspie John gets his coat. It is, after all, a very cold day in March 2016. A day or so later, a new kid joins the class, Unkind Blondie. Unkind Blondie argues with other classroom kids over something fairly meaningless, and is sent to a new classroom as a result. After the argument, Short Morena asks Aspie John:
"Were you bothered by the class argument?"
"No, I was not"
The two enter the school lobby in preparation to leave, and Short Morena asks Aspie John, "Did you have a good day?", which he replies "Yes" to. She then says, "I see your ride outside", and Aspie John leaves.
Gradually, Aspie John becomes deeply attracted to Short Morena and finds himself heavy with anxiety at the thought of seeing her each day. He takes note of her problems as she speaks to the teacher and notes statements such as "I feel like a disgusting bipolar girl". The teachers says "She has a flat affect", which Aspie John is already aware of. He starts to envision himself chatting with her about various different things, even though it pains him since stutters and is too anxious to form a friendship with her.
Soon, Aspie John learns that Short Morena will be moving and transferring to a different school soon, which greatly saddens him. He also stays home for several days due to his encounter with Anxious Jane in the hospital waiting room. Upon returning to school, he participates in a class game with the other students, a game of Mad-Libs. That day is also Short Morena's last day of school.
As Aspie John starts to relay his answers to the class, Short Morena starts laughing happily at each answer and votes for him when the teacher asks the class which student provided the best answers, which causes him to become very jittery from anxiety yet calm.
As the two students leave class, Short Morena says "Bye, Aspie John" in a kind tone to Aspie John, which causes him to reply with a calm "Ok". He is grateful to have met her, though he knows she views him only as someone to be pitied for his illnesses.
The very next day, however:
"I think Aspie John was extremely hurt when we discussed the behavior of Anxious Jane and Tall Kid. He was covering himself up with a hoodie upon seeing her."
"He's so sensitive! Oh my goodness! They were just joking!"
"If Aspie John wanted someone more like him, why didn't he just..."
The other kids in the classroom then start whispering about it and Aspie John overhears them, filling him with shame and embarrassment. He still misses Short Morena. Days before school graduation, Aspie John overhears two teachers discussing him and Anxious Jane:
"So, Anxious Jane is graduating soon"
"When Anxious Jane realizes how difficult it will be to communicate with Aspie John, she'll be crying"
"No, I think she'll be okay. She has plenty of friends and support"
Upon hearing this, two students sitting in the front row of Aspie John, a boy and a girl, whisper and immediately afterwards say to one another:
"Hi Mulatto Boy" - To an autistic child
"Hi Mulatta Girl"
Aspie John assumes they are laughing at him, as he is already anxious and very depressed on this particular day, given he has ASD-related attachment. He has no actual intention to "reconcile" with Anxious Jane, since she has a clear preference for "high status" White males. When a teacher asks him of his opinion of his time in the classroom, he simply responds with "Ambivalent".
As Aspie John leaves his classroom for the final time, the teacher provides him with copies of each homework sheet he submitted. Aspie John is very grateful and thanks him before leaving, with slightly teary eyes not visible to the teacher.
Intellau_Celistic said:The story is now revived:
Aspie John, our dear protagonist, was always the insecure child of the classes he joined. He felt uncomfortable in the presence of tall, older males and felt discomfort among the femoids who coveted them.
A.J felt discomfort when Tyrone spoke about walking four miles daily. He felt discomfort when Tall White Kid kept a pack of cigarettes in his pocket and still earned a sit-by from Anxious Jane. He felt discomfort when Anxious Jane returned to school without her glasses to impress Tall White Kid. He was an insecure aspie who felt the need to prove himself against all those "opponents" and more.
There was a class switch. A new child joined Aspie John's class: Joshua. He was 13-years of age, blonde, 5'4 compared to Aspie John's 5'2, and obviously intelligent. For a time, Aspie John felt intimidated by Joshua's wisdom and reasoning abilities. At times, the two would raise their hands and subtly "compete". Joshua once complimented Aspie John for his attempt at building a house of cards.
The next child to join was "Jacques", a 5'2 Black boy about 12-years of age. He was highly considerate of Aspie John's anxiety and made sure to speak to him. He'd also sit by him daily.
"Aspie John, how are you today?"
"Aspie John, they weren't letting you participate, were they?"(The "Sheboons" in Aspie John's class did not like his help)
"Aspie John, do you want some of my Halloween candy?"(Aspie John's (then) religion prevented him from participating in Halloween; he declined)
Even so, Aspie John chose to keep his impending class switch hidden from Jacques, given his extreme discomfort in the class and his problems with the other Black youth present. He'd clean the black pencil case with hand sanitizer and hand wipes to distract himself from his low sense of self-worth.
Aspie John's budding companionship with Short Morena is interrupted by the appearance of a new male: Mulatto Boy.
Mulatto Boy was nearly 16-years of age, 5'5, autistic, calm, and on-par with Aspie John in terms of intellect and subjects of interest. Aspie John immediately felt the discomfort of previous years return.
As the days went on, it was evident Mulatto Boy had taken a liking to Short Morena. He started offering advice to Short Morena for her flawed thinking, something Aspie John had desired to do for months. The two made eye contact and briefly debated politics as the stutterer Aspie John watched from the sidelines, unable to participate due to severe social anxiety. A.J felt like an undesirable child once again.
Lycan said:how bad is your autism?
Intellau_Celistic said:I'm "functionally disabled" in my country. I struggle to socialize and cannot drive.
Intellau_Celistic said:Shannon Rose Bosanac spent seven nights in a psychiatric hospital twice despite receiving constant group therapy and partial hospitalization.
RandomBroCel said:incels are genetic freaks we dont belong anywhere we are simply a mistake in existence
In 2016, Shannon's group was filled with several autistic boys. Meanwhile, I was the only autistic child for most of my time in group therapy. My group mates, though, were unaware of this because I rarely said anything about myself to them. I stuttered too much and often had to close my eyes for relief. An autistic boy named "George" doted on Shannon's presence and loved her.
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Due to my status as an outcast, the "group psychologist" sometimes referred to me as "bud" and always greeted me. Sometimes he had to tell me to join the group because I would hide near the coat rackets and anxiously think of how to integrate with the group peacefully.
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I was on Seroquel for ASD-related symptoms which the psychiatrists mistook as psychosis. Behavior I now recognize as obsessive-compulsive, "persisting afterimages"(Palinopsia, one of several illnesses I discovered when I searched the Internet in 2012 for answers to my constant floaters and visual sensory problems). I have a yearly phase in which allergies trigger sensory overload, manifesting as constant obsessive thoughts of visually-disturbing distortions of things I've looked at. I have to close my eyes for relief.