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The Shay Files: "Mental Illness"

Intellau_Celistic

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Our story begins in 2013. Intellau was 15, and Shannon was 12. It's a story of inequality in group therapy.

I was an anxious fifteen-year-old with MDD and GAD. Each day, I was filled with crippling anxiety/"hazy depression" and would often start "shaking" on the way to group therapy. They gave me stress balls so I would stop fidgeting with my hands during therapy time. Still, the group psychologist considered me "NT" and often criticized me for my failure to make eye contact with other people in the room/failure to speak to other group youth(Social cue problems).

Shannon Rose Bosanac was a twelve-year-old with "social anxiety" and "depression". During group therapy, I was told to speak to Shannon, which was ignored because she preferred a taller, older boy over me and sat near him daily. The psychologists eventually switched Shannon to another group out of concern for her "progress"(They believed I was "negatively influencing" her by behaving in accordance with my illnesses); Shannon would mimic my neuro-atypical gestures to get attention.

Interesting given Shannon had little issue chatting with friends/associates outside of group therapy. Observe:


(Shannon, Carlie, Mariah)

Note that I had no friends or associates outside of group therapy and yet was being asked to pander to a pretty White lass with shallow thinking. This was during a time when I was being verbally and physically abused by one of my parents for being unable to function like NTs.
Intellau_Celistic said:
In 2016, I was an anxious 17-18 y/o who could barely leave his room to attend group therapy. I had crippling social anxiety and stuttering issues that made it difficult to function among other people. I kept my head down for four hours and had to close my eyes to speak normally.

In 2016, "anxious" and "depressed" Shannon Rose Bosanac had 10+ orbiters and 4+ boyfriends lined up to support her at any given time. She was placed in the "Afternoon Group" to support her complex mental health history(She needed the extra support of her morning teachers).

Here we see poor Shannon struggling to function among NTs:

View attachment 512601

Yes. 2016 was much different. I spent hours sitting alone in my room with bottles of urine and sacks of feces because of severe depression/anxiety. I was barely eating and suffering from visual sensory overload/paranoia, which often caused me to curdle into a ball and cry. I received little help for these problems.

As for Shannon Rose...homecoming! Raves! Worship from mentally-ill orbiters! Partial hospitalization for her "severe mental illnesses"! Two stints in the psychiatric hospital! Anything for Queen Shay!





As for my "coping"(Full-fledged LDAR/mental breakdown)?


Anyway, skipping ahead by several years...

Intellau_Celistic said:
A woman named Rose once said this after seeing her former "friend" in a psych ward for suicidal patients.

View attachment 492427

Interestingly, Rose enjoyed a rich life of social praise and romance while her "friend" suffered physical and verbal abuse from society since childhood. In NT foid speak, "self love" involves denigrating the weak and defenseless.

Sheer vanity and privilege. Filth.
 
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They all look kinda weird somehow and their way of talking gives me „anxiety“.
 
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Intellau_Celistic

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total disgrace 21 said:
They all look kinda weird somehow and their way of talking gives me „anxiety“.

The Bosanac family history includes adultery, divorce and domestic violence.
 
Emba

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She keeps getting fatter and uglier.

So that's a nice cope 4 u
 
Intellau_Celistic

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Emba said:
She keeps getting fatter and uglier.

So that's a nice cope 4 u

To an extent.
 
Grashüpfer

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"I have social anxiety"
*Posts videos of herself in revealing clothes on social media*

Their suffering is our heaven
 
Intellau_Celistic

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Grashüpfer said:
"I have social anxiety"
*Posts videos of herself in revealing clothes on social media*

Their suffering is our heaven

Yes. A creature like Shannon would rope under our circumstances.
 
Intellau_Celistic

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2015(Shannon was in partial hospitalization at the time):



Intellau_Celistic said:
Okay. I'll start:

Story One:

I've suffered from Major Depressive Disorder(MDD) and Generalized Anxiety Disorder(GAD) since I was nine or ten. This led to me entering a group therapy program when I was fourteen, where I met a young girl named Shannon.

Shannon was anxious and had social anxiety/depression. However, Shannon was treated fairly well in the program. I, however, I was denigrated by both psychologists and youth. A certain "redhead" psychologist would frequently criticize me because I struggled to make eye contact or speak to other youth. I had to use stress balls to control my anxiety, which made me a source of amusement for the other youth in the group. They whispered and laughed at me, but treated Shannon like a queen.

To shorten the story, I'll say this: We were placed into separate therapy groups due to "unintended problems"(Negatively "influencing" a female of higher status). Years later, she did some "lovely things" to me after volunteering in the psychiatric hospital.

That situation has always bothered me. Anyway, moving on...

Story: Two:

I lived in a youth commune for some time. There, I was harassed/bullied by Tyrone and Chadlito. Tyrone took pictures of my naked body(I was in the male bathroom cleaning myself) and started laughing at my child-like appearance and fairly small phallus size with his roommate. He also threw dice at my room door each night and would play loud "rap" music at maximum volume to disturb me.

Chadlito, however, was much more subtle. He would peak into my room and, on occasion, steal my items. He also liked to gossip about me("He's a weirdo", "He's a freak", "He puts food in bags and goes outside to eat alone") and especially loved recording me. This led to him recording me while I was sleeping(I have sexsomnia), which led to the shelter boys/girls laughing at my "sexual speech". Note that the shelter girls had already mocked me previously for my feminine voice and autistic, avoidant behavior.

Because my case manager divulged my ASD diagnosis freely, I was a prime target for bullying and abuse from other youth. Chadlito eventually tried to have me evicted from the commune, which happened after I started staying in my commune room most of the time to avoid being shoved into desks by him(Demonstrating his "machismo" against an innocent aspie).

It is painful to have ASD, MDD, GAD, PTSD(It was already present from childhood trauma), and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria/RSD. I would've likely roped if not for my obsessive fantasizing from ASD.
 

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Intellau_Celistic

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Shall we revive this story?

The next edition(thread) will be "The Shay Files: Friendship"
 
Intellau_Celistic

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W

wei#3959

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Jfl lol. I thought you weren’t supposed to doxx or post irl stuff
 
ShowerTaker

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wei#3959 said:
Jfl lol. I thought you weren’t supposed to doxx or post irl stuff
Plot twist: OP is actually Shannon with personality disorder.
 
Intellau_Celistic

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wei#3959 said:
Jfl lol. I thought you weren’t supposed to doxx or post irl stuff

I think the doxxing rule only applies to other ".is" users. As for the other....I've been told that rule enforcement is lax in The Lounge.

ShowerTaker said:
Plot twist: OP is actually Shannon with personality disorder.

Sadly, reality is much more painful...

That woman is living the NT life. I am living within a cage of non-NT misery/memories.
 
Intellau_Celistic

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Intellau_Celistic said:
Shall we revive this story?

The next edition(thread) will be "The Shay Files: Friendship"

Revived again. This thread is truly beautiful to me.
 
Mecoja

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Forget her man, find another fixation, you will go crazy.
 
Intellau_Celistic

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Mecoja said:
Forget her man, find another fixation, you will go crazy.

A few years too late, sadly. Group therapy set the stage for many of my eventual problems.
 
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Intellau_Celistic said:
A few years too late, sadly. Group therapy set the stage for many of my eventual problems.
I kinda understand how you feel, group therapy was the closest thing to a social life you had i guess. I never had a social life of any kind, closest thing was going to school, i screwed things up in the 7th grade and they threw me out. Im also like stuck in the past when i knew all that kids, for years i even had dreams of going back to school and all my classmates were there. Sorry, its just my crazy rumbling.
 
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Intellau_Celistic said:
I spent hours sitting alone in my room with bottles of urine and sacks of feces because of severe depression/anxiety.
brutal
 
Intellau_Celistic

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Mecoja said:
Sorry, its just my crazy rumbling.

Oh, you don't need to apologize; I'll explain:

I have maladaptive daydreaming(MDD) from autism. I've had constant daydreaming/fantasies of my experiences in group therapy for over eight years now. My fantasies of those experiences mesh together with my newer memories, resulting in situations where I envision myself "interacting with"(seeking approval from) certain youth I respected in the group for anything of value I do.

Your experiences are different yet have similarities with my own.
 
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Intellau_Celistic

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I've decided to use this thread as a "compilation":

Intellau_Celistic said:
Story:

I lived in a youth commune for some time. There, I was harassed/bullied by Tyrone and Chadlito. Tyrone took pictures of my naked body(I was in the male bathroom cleaning myself) and started laughing at my child-like appearance and fairly small phallus size with his roommate. He also threw dice at my room door each night and would play loud "rap" music at maximum volume to disturb me.

Chadlito, however, was much more subtle. He would peak into my room and, on occasion, steal my items. He also liked to gossip about me("He's a weirdo", "He's a freak", "He puts food in bags and goes outside to eat alone") and especially loved recording me. This led to him recording me while I was sleeping(I have sexsomnia), which led to the shelter boys/girls laughing at my "sexual speech". Note that the shelter girls had already mocked me previously for my feminine voice and autistic, avoidant behavior.

Because my case manager divulged my ASD diagnosis freely, I was a prime target for bullying and abuse from other youth. Chadlito eventually tried to have me evicted from the commune, which happened after I started staying in my commune room most of the time to avoid being shoved into desks by him(Demonstrating his "machismo" against an innocent aspie).

It is painful to have ASD, MDD, GAD, PTSD(It was already present from childhood trauma), and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria/RSD. I would've likely roped if not for my obsessive fantasizing from ASD.
Intellau_Celistic said:
I've never, at any point, asked out a woman. Your criterion does not apply to me for the following reasons:

  • I have stuttering issues from ASD and cannot make eye contact because of severe social anxiety
  • I am 5'3(120lbs) and get mistaken for a 12-15 y/o adolescent despite being 23
  • I have a very feminine voice and often get mistaken for a woman over the phone
  • In public, women look at me in disgust and avoid me because my anxious, autistic behavior manifests as avoidance of other people.
  • I cannot drive because my form of ASD impairs my visual processing abilities.
  • I very rarely leave my apartment since I cannot function in society because of the reasons mention above
Please be more empathetic.


Intellau_Celistic said:
You're reminding me of my first stint in group therapy. Youth would nearly always overlook me. Some blatantly insulted me and made statements such as "Intellau, you know no one wants to partner with you. Go over to the table and sit alone", "Tsk"(Directed at me), "No one likes him! He acts like a female! Why do I have to go to the 'Quiet Room'?".

The only exception was when a certain kind youth joined my group. He treated me respectfully and showed concern for my obvious anxiety and social ineptitude; I was his partner for one group assignment, and it went very well.

Another bittersweet(mostly bitter) gift of the group split.

Moving on:

Intellau_Celistic said:
My parents were disgusted by my autistic behavior; as a young child, my mother told me that fidgeting with objects made me look "mentally retarded" and would sometimes hit me/grab my neck to make me stop.

In adolescence, my father would hit me and frequently verbally abuse me because I had obvious non-NT traits. I'm autistic and could barely socialize at all when I was younger. I can barely socialize in the "Real World" as of now. I stutter due to anxiety.
 
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Intellau_Celistic

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Update:

Intellau_Celistic said:
I've had negative experiences with Latinos in the past. A certain Chadlito used to gossip and bully(physically/verbally) me when I lived in a commune. Also, a Latino once insulted("Bitch, nobody gives a fuck about you") me on the bus because he disliked my anxious behavior; I had a headache.

However, someone I once respected seemed like a kind Latina.
Intellau_Celistic said:
Yes...bullied on the street. Common scenario for vulnerable males.

I was bullied on the street once by a tall White man. He laughed at me because I was ethnic and told me I could only hope to get "low quality" landwhales.

His exact words were, "You make all the obese girls faint. Keep your shirt on!"

Intellau_Celistic said:
Years ago, I was bullied too. Youth would laugh at me because I was a short autistic boy who was unable to speak without stuttering. They called me "house mouse", "weirdo", "freak", "pipsqueak", "leprechaun"(feminine voice). A femoid staff member said, "I think he has a disability", as a joke.

I've always been dissociated from my surroundings because of my illnesses, so I speak to myself for comfort and clarity.
Continued:

Intellau_Celistic said:
No. I haven't had "friends" since the age of six. Those "friends" ditched me since I was an anxious autistic child who spent more time fidgeting alone than struggling to socialize with normies.
 
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Intellau_Celistic

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Health:

Intellau_Celistic said:
Yes. Like you, I suffer from chronic constipation and acid reflux. My constipation is due to something I was born with.

As a young child, I used to pace the floor for hours until the pain from my constipation subsided.

Intellau_Celistic said:
Autism and autism-related birth defects/conditions. I've had severe constipation, chronic depression, chronic anxiety, visual processing issues, visual sensory issues, maladaptive daydreaming issues, and motor issues since childhood.

I'm also much shorter than average.

Intellau_Celistic said:
Yes. My "friends" preferred Normies over the anxious, autistic child with constipation issues.

I was also bullied and hit by several kids there.

Intellau_Celistic said:
Yes. I had motor deficits(ASD-related) as a child and had to receive physical/occupational therapy. As well as several birth defects...
 
Intellau_Celistic

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Experiences:

Intellau_Celistic said:
I've had women avoid me as much as possible. On one occasion, a foid quickly blocked me from sitting next to her on a very crowded bus. Another fell(wearing sandals) on the ground and accused me of pushing her until her foid friend said "It wasn't him".

Intellau_Celistic said:
Indeed. A bitter "ex friend" made "puppy eyes" at me as I was struggling with suicidal thoughts. This is because she expected me to worship her, as the rest of her (many) orbiters did.



Intellau_Celistic said:
The "extreme romantic attachment" is not from an easy life; it's from mental illness. My "attachment" to people extends into obsessive thinking and fantasizing because it helped me ignore childhood trauma(D.V). I'm an ASD and PTSD sufferer.

Intellau_Celistic said:
I've felt age dissociation since I was eleven/twelve. Although I'm 23, my short height and "abnormal" behavior lead most people to think I am a young adolescent.

I'll chalk it up to ASD and childhood trauma. :feelsautistic:
 
Autismus Maximus

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To foids, mental illness and handicaps are something they can switch on and off according to their whims, whenever they feel like they don't get enough attention and sympathy.

For men, these things are the 500lbs gorilla pinning you to the ground every time you try to make things better.
 
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Autismus Maximus said:
To foids, mental illness and handicaps are something they can switch on and off according to their whims, whenever they feel like they don't get enough attention and sympathy.

For men, these things are the 500lbs gorilla pinning you to the ground every time you try to make things better.
high iq observation
 
Massimo The Lonecel

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I Don't Get This Thread Who Is The Woman ?
 
Intellau_Celistic

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Experiences(Continued):

Intellau_Celistic said:
Yes. I've had foids switch bus seats because they believed I was staring at them.
Intellau_Celistic said:
Because of my body frame, I'm easily mistaken for a woman if I cover my body fully.

Intellau_Celistic said:
I've experienced this "firsthand"; a psychiatric nurse said "Hello Su" to me because I was (anxiously) fidgeting with a pencil in my hospital room. This is despite the fact that ASD-related fidgeting was already documented in my mental health history. I am a short ethnic male. Another hospital patient deliberately walked past me twice and insulted me as I was calling a relative on the hospital phone because he thought my hat was "stupid". He received no punishment.

Shannon Rose Bosanac enjoyed three luxurious stays in the same psychiatric hospital. Each time, she was treated like a deity by hospital staff.

And of-course, there was group therapy. I've explained that already

Intellau_Celistic said:
In my case, they certainly did. When I was a young child, I was denigrated by teachers because my writing was scribble from "Dysgraphia".

My mother, as kind as she may be, used to grab me very forcefully(By the neck, as I was fidgeting with items; I would ache from it) and repeatedly tell me "Do you hear me!?! If people see you doing that, they will think you are men-tally retar-ded!" while shaking me and shaking the item near my eyes. She would tell me how embarrassing it is to have an autistic son who fidgets with items as a form of stimulation.

My grandmother would often ask me to do things for her. I obediently tried to follow her instructions and received denigration as a result. She would yell at me and say things like "Look! Use your eyes!"(Because I was anxious and had visual processing issues), "Did you hear me!?! That isn't the way I told you to do it!"(When I would drop things or make mistakes because I was sweating and anxious out of fear of upsetting her). She would tell me "Put your head up. No one did anything to you" because I was too anxious to make eye contact with her.
 
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Intellau_Celistic

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Autismus Maximus said:
To foids, mental illness and handicaps are something they can switch on and off according to their whims, whenever they feel like they don't get enough attention and sympathy.

For men, these things are the 500lbs gorilla pinning you to the ground every time you try to make things better.

Yes. The contrast was obvious when I looked into the lives of Shannon and her orbiters. Lisa Jill taught her how to play the sympathy card well. "Temporary restraining orders" against her depressed alcoholic husband, "battered woman syndrome". He killed himself.

The male I referenced above was "abandoned" by S:

 
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Intellau_Celistic

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Intellau_Celistic said:
Shannon Rose Bosanac was a twelve-year-old with "social anxiety" and "depression". During group therapy, I was told to speak to Shannon, which was ignored because she preferred a taller, older boy over me and sat near him daily. The psychologists eventually switched Shannon to another group out of concern for her "progress"(They believed I was "negatively influencing" her by behaving in accordance with my illnesses); Shannon would mimic my neuro-atypical gestures to get attention.

Interesting given Shannon had little issue chatting with friends/associates outside of group therapy. Observe:


Yes, the negligent 12-year-old Shannon would often leave her "goal sheet" at home. This was a sheet intended to be document a child's day at school and home. Shannon was always given a pass for this, but other youth were not. The group psychologist referred to Shannon as "honey" and "sweetie" each day. Special treatment for privileged White femoids.

Again, the anxious Shannon:



(Movie theatre)












(Skating)

Yes, the "anxious" girl who received priority over the anxious boy was able to entertain herself with public "skating" and movie theatres.



Strange. Playing "hide and seek" with boys at a local amusement park yet unwilling to chat with an anxious therapy youth? Interesting.

Note that we met in early August. Telling!
 
Intellau_Celistic

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Today is the anniversary of my discharge from group therapy eight years ago! Such a lovely occasion!

Revived again.
 
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Bro, she's living in your head rent free, i think there's some crazy obsession going on, like seriously, you cannot post anything without mentioning this woman
 
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Hikikomori_cel said:
Bro, she's living in your head rent free, i think there's some crazy obsession going on, like seriously, you cannot post anything without mentioning this woman

Common for autistic males, I've heard.
 
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Have you been prescribed Clozapine as an antipsychotic?
 
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C&UNIX said:
Have you been prescribed Clozapine as an antipsychotic?

No.
 
Intellau_Celistic

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Health(Continued):

Intellau_Celistic said:
Yes, I was diagnosed with GAD eight years ago. I have to wear a coat/gloves and use ear plugs to leave my apartment.

Intellau_Celistic said:
Yes, depressive dissociation....I've lived with it for so long. Any "positive leisure time" is ruined because I'm always focused on what will happen after it ends. I'm easily distracted by my negative thoughts. Well, that's actually a bit better for me now since I live in near-solitude and take several antidepressants and a stimulant.
 
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Arabcel9 said:

No, autistic with maladaptive thinking. I'm expressing misery.
 
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Intellau_Celistic said:
No, autistic with maladaptive thinking. I'm expressing misery.
:feelsaww:
 
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History:

Intellau_Celistic said:
You're reminding me of my first stint in group therapy. Youth would nearly always overlook me. Some blatantly insulted me and made statements such as "Intellau, you know no one wants to partner with you. Go over to the table and sit alone", "Tsk"(Directed at me), "No one likes him! He acts like a female! Why do I have to go to the 'Quiet Room'?".

The only exception was when a certain kind youth joined my group. He treated me respectfully and showed concern for my obvious anxiety and social ineptitude; I was his partner for one group assignment, and it went very well.

Yes, I remember my final day in group therapy well. I was heavily depressed, as usual. It was cloudy and raining. A certain Black youth told me, "Intellau, go over there."(As usual), and I obeyed him out of a desire for peaceful group time. A kid by the name of "Sean", another Black youth, criticized my writing and said "Wow....Intellau's writing is terrible"(He was handing out our goal sheets for the day); he also made sure to read my "discharge" certificate. I kept my discharge secret so I wouldn't be laughed at by my group "mates".

And as usual, on the drive home, the young girls in my transportation van started hitting me and drawing on me. Why? Simple:

Intellau_Celistic said:
I have Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria from ASD/ADHD. In those days, this was the sort of personality I had:

View attachment 517793

View attachment 517797


My father would often denigrate me for my autistic traits and sometimes hit me. I was a heavily-depressed/anxious "puppet" for Normies to string around. I wasn't even comfortable with asking to go to the bathroom or looking around the therapy room due to fear of criticism.

Depressing day.
 
Greyandoldcel

Greyandoldcel

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It's over bro, let it go. Chad is balls deep in that slut while you're here obsessing over her. Shit ain't healthy man.
 
Intellau_Celistic

Intellau_Celistic

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Greyandoldcel said:
It's over bro, let it go. Chad is balls deep in that slut while you're here obsessing over her. Shit ain't healthy man.

My "obsession" is only for the purpose of denigration. Any kindness ended years ago.
 
Intellau_Celistic

Intellau_Celistic

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Intellau_Celistic said:
Story: Two:

I lived in a youth commune for some time. There, I was harassed/bullied by Tyrone and Chadlito. Tyrone took pictures of my naked body(I was in the male bathroom cleaning myself) and started laughing at my child-like appearance and fairly small phallus size with his roommate. He also threw dice at my room door each night and would play loud "rap" music at maximum volume to disturb me.

Chadlito, however, was much more subtle. He would peak into my room and, on occasion, steal my items. He also liked to gossip about me("He's a weirdo", "He's a freak", "He puts food in bags and goes outside to eat alone") and especially loved recording me. This led to him recording me while I was sleeping(I have sexsomnia), which led to the shelter boys/girls laughing at my "sexual speech". Note that the shelter girls had already mocked me previously for my feminine voice and autistic, avoidant behavior.

Because my case manager divulged my ASD diagnosis freely, I was a prime target for bullying and abuse from other youth. Chadlito eventually tried to have me evicted from the commune, which happened after I started staying in my commune room most of the time to avoid being shoved into desks by him(Demonstrating his "machismo" against an innocent aspie).


Intellau_Celistic said:
Exactly. This was evident to me when the male youth living in the same commune as me would walk by my room door each night and mock me with the sexual language I used while sleeping. They also would deliberately slam their room doors as hard as possible to startle me since I have chronic anxiety from autism.

"Looks like we've got a mouse in the house"(Chadlito said this because I was isolating myself in my commune room due to embarrassment. I would wrap a belt/blanket around my body to prevent sleep-masturbation.)

"Wow, Intellau didn't go outside to eat today"(Yes, I remained in my room without eating; it was habitual by that point)

Chadlito personally walked by my door and said, "So you don't like women riding?" in a cocky tone, and then went into his room laughing.

Stress only worsened my sexsomnia...

I still remember cowering into a ball inside my room as the male youths stood outside my door laughing at my sexual sleep-talking. It was then that I realized "sexsomnia" was one of my ASD symptoms. I still had "fluids" and sweat on my body from the act.
 
kanyepilled

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wow. my heart truly pains for you. kill all women
 
Intellau_Celistic

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kanyepilled said:
wow. my heart truly pains for you.


Thank you. I've doubted it at times.
 
erenyeager

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Intellau_Celistic said:
The Bosanac family history includes adultery, divorce and domestic violence.
Are you gunna become yoshikage kira and give them your speech of a quiet life to her:feelsokman:
 
Intellau_Celistic

Intellau_Celistic

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Intellau_Celistic said:
Hello. I used to take Risperidone suppress some of my ASD symptoms(anxiety, agitation, certain kinds of negative thoughts) and also experienced some weight gain. However, it was only slight for me because I ate very little in those days.

Intellau_Celistic said:
Ah....essential tremor. I was diagnosed with that as a young child.


Intellau_Celistic said:
I've had severe anxiety for most of my life. A decade ago, I would wake up each day with tingling/rushing sensations throughout my body and crippling depression. "Going through the motions" was how I lived. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder in group therapy.
 
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