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The curse of self awareness

Zac

Zac

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I'm just writing to say that I am glad to have stumbled upon this forum. I am in very similar life position and seem to share the same 'eccentric' paradigms and value metrics. Your life tales and cultivated beliefs resonated so strongly with me that I felt compelled to create an account here just to reach out to you guys.

I too constantly find myself between grandeur and inferiority; unsure if I’m special or worthless. We live in binary worlds void of the fuzzy ‘grey area’ that others are content in. We are the ‘all or nothing' guys. Maybe we are a bit ‘spergy and are in some deluded denial, just like the kids who devote their lives to an obsession with steam trains or whatever. It’s not that we lack extrospective or comparative reasoning ability, but rather that we aren’t concerned with the typical aspirations, hobbies and life values of our neurotypical peers. Perhaps it’s that we don’t feel ready for these yet. We might care about shiny cars and nice houses once we are beautiful, but that box must be ticked before we are adorned with gold watches and tailored clothes. The idiom ‘polishing a turd’ comes to mind when I see some bald fool whizz by me in his Gallardo. Beautiful and homeless > average and rich.

The notion that very few people in this world openly agree with this life view is perplexing to me, just as it surely is from the point of view of the steam train kid. A crazy person never believes they are crazy, as personal experience is the only true reference point any person has; everyone else could be imagined figments for all anybody knows; cogito ergo sum etc… anyway, instead of wasting our short lives arguing with ourselves and others on what’s ‘right’ and what we ‘should’ desire, let’s just go after what we know we want: beauty and love. One cannot exist without the other in our strange minds. So be it.

I know there’s some contradiction in that last line, for me, at least. I find myself falling into deep limmerence with objectively sub-6 girls, who manage to be 9+s to my subjective consciousness, even if my rational brain realises that their pogonion: philtrum ratio is off or whatever, and that most males wouldn’t be attracted to them. I realise that the same could be possible for me, and that a female might somehow find my face exceptionally attractive for whatever cultivated reasons (a theory could be genetic recomposition, that her genes + my genes = healthy offspring?), but it strikes me as being extremely improbable. Therefore, I know my best bets are to become as generically attractive as possible, ie: to become Francisco Lachowski-tier; broad and true appeal across 99% of human opinion.

I don’t know about you, but my personal obsession with looks has its roots hooked somewhere deep in my childhood. It’s a worn-out cliche that I never really thought applied to me, but perhaps the absence of a father figure is somewhat to blame (if there’s even a need to ‘blame’, or if this pursuit of ours is even ‘bad’ or incorrect (though it’s surely incongruent)). Issues of abandonment are said to create an inferiority complex, and I realise that that is what my consciousness is truly based upon, and that most actions I make stem from the understanding that I am somehow ‘not good enough’, spliced with some megalomanic and contradicting illusions of grandeur from being told I was ‘special’ all the time.

I am disturbed by uncertainty, but something that is definitely certain and universally true is beauty. I’ve been enthralled by beautiful males for as long as I can remember. It’s not the same as seeing a beautiful female, as they are pretty much equally bangable past the 6+ stage for me (unless that crazed subjective ‘one-it-is’ thing happens). When a tall, perfectly formed male steps into the room I am just in awe. I am so clearly inferior to him and none of my achievements could ever compensate. I done all this shit, I’m a professional artist, I’ve come so far and done so much, but it means shit-all at the end of the day.

In a society where males compete with each other to be chosen as he-men by females, one of the best things a mother can do for her genes is to make a son who will turn out in his turn to be an attractive he-man. If she can ensure that her son is one of the fortunate few males who wins most of the copulations in the society when he grows up, she will have an enormous number of grandchildren. The result of this is that one of the most desirable qualities a male can have in the eyes of a female is, quite simply, sexual attractiveness itself...
 
WØLF

WØLF

I CAN'T BREED
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I think I'm having deja vu rn because a random 1 post GrAYcel with no avi (it was a darker shade of green than yours) posted a cryptic essay in ID earlier today about inceldom and biology and shit. It was swiftly taken down and that nigga got banned in like a minute though :feelstrash:
 
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OwlGod

OwlGod

Magna Est Veritas Et Prævalebit
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there's no inherent curse to self-awareness. It's an advantage.
 
Netzachcel

Netzachcel

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OwlGod said:
there's no inherent curse to self-awareness. It's an advantage.

True , Most bluepiller faggots end up breeding with subhuman foids and creating more suffering because they cant stand loneliness , Its all or nothing.
 
Copexodius Maximus

Copexodius Maximus

Supreme Incel Commander in Chief
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it’s not a curse to chad
 
OwlGod

OwlGod

Magna Est Veritas Et Prævalebit
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Netzachcel said:
True , Most bluepiller faggots end up breeding with subhuman foids and creating more suffering because they cant stand loneliness , Its all or nothing.

this, and would remarkably add the acary amount of oblivious imbeciles who fall for all kinds of scams such as PUA and self-help books.
 
Loner94

Loner94

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Having self awareness is a great advantage.
 
W

wastedTime

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Zac said:
I'm just writing to say that I am glad to have stumbled upon this forum. I am in very similar life position and seem to share the same 'eccentric' paradigms and value metrics. Your life tales and cultivated beliefs resonated so strongly with me that I felt compelled to create an account here just to reach out to you guys.

I too constantly find myself between grandeur and inferiority; unsure if I’m special or worthless. We live in binary worlds void of the fuzzy ‘grey area’ that others are content in. We are the ‘all or nothing' guys. Maybe we are a bit ‘spergy and are in some deluded denial, just like the kids who devote their lives to an obsession with steam trains or whatever. It’s not that we lack extrospective or comparative reasoning ability, but rather that we aren’t concerned with the typical aspirations, hobbies and life values of our neurotypical peers. Perhaps it’s that we don’t feel ready for these yet. We might care about shiny cars and nice houses once we are beautiful, but that box must be ticked before we are adorned with gold watches and tailored clothes. The idiom ‘polishing a turd’ comes to mind when I see some bald fool whizz by me in his Gallardo. Beautiful and homeless > average and rich.

The notion that very few people in this world openly agree with this life view is perplexing to me, just as it surely is from the point of view of the steam train kid. A crazy person never believes they are crazy, as personal experience is the only true reference point any person has; everyone else could be imagined figments for all anybody knows; cogito ergo sum etc… anyway, instead of wasting our short lives arguing with ourselves and others on what’s ‘right’ and what we ‘should’ desire, let’s just go after what we know we want: beauty and love. One cannot exist without the other in our strange minds. So be it.

I know there’s some contradiction in that last line, for me, at least. I find myself falling into deep limmerence with objectively sub-6 girls, who manage to be 9+s to my subjective consciousness, even if my rational brain realises that their pogonion: philtrum ratio is off or whatever, and that most males wouldn’t be attracted to them. I realise that the same could be possible for me, and that a female might somehow find my face exceptionally attractive for whatever cultivated reasons (a theory could be genetic recomposition, that her genes + my genes = healthy offspring?), but it strikes me as being extremely improbable. Therefore, I know my best bets are to become as generically attractive as possible, ie: to become Francisco Lachowski-tier; broad and true appeal across 99% of human opinion.

I don’t know about you, but my personal obsession with looks has its roots hooked somewhere deep in my childhood. It’s a worn-out cliche that I never really thought applied to me, but perhaps the absence of a father figure is somewhat to blame (if there’s even a need to ‘blame’, or if this pursuit of ours is even ‘bad’ or incorrect (though it’s surely incongruent)). Issues of abandonment are said to create an inferiority complex, and I realise that that is what my consciousness is truly based upon, and that most actions I make stem from the understanding that I am somehow ‘not good enough’, spliced with some megalomanic and contradicting illusions of grandeur from being told I was ‘special’ all the time.

I am disturbed by uncertainty, but something that is definitely certain and universally true is beauty. I’ve been enthralled by beautiful males for as long as I can remember. It’s not the same as seeing a beautiful female, as they are pretty much equally bangable past the 6+ stage for me (unless that crazed subjective ‘one-it-is’ thing happens). When a tall, perfectly formed male steps into the room I am just in awe. I am so clearly inferior to him and none of my achievements could ever compensate. I done all this shit, I’m a professional artist, I’ve come so far and done so much, but it means shit-all at the end of the day.

In a society where males compete with each other to be chosen as he-men by females, one of the best things a mother can do for her genes is to make a son who will turn out in his turn to be an attractive he-man. If she can ensure that her son is one of the fortunate few males who wins most of the copulations in the society when he grows up, she will have an enormous number of grandchildren. The result of this is that one of the most desirable qualities a male can have in the eyes of a female is, quite simply, sexual attractiveness itself...

imagine writting all that and getting only one worders repliers from 13 year olds jfl

i agree that as a neet/hikki/incel (have job now tho) i couldnt care less about normies, extroverts and whatever they do durin day
 
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Ritalincel

Ritalincel

S489
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:p
 
Deathmint

Deathmint

Jesus Tay-Sachs, DMD
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I definitely relate to your sense of dualism and fascination with beauty.
I'm switching between feeling like an immortal spiritual being and worthless, purely physical lifeform.
The beauty of a body hardly appeals to me anymore.
Humans are not as good-looking and harmoniously proportioned as decades or hundreds of years ago.
The beauty of a mind or soul is almost absent. Fear, selfishness and lack of focus due to sensory overload tarnished what was once great about us, people.
Now, we seem more than ready to go extinct, with or without a fight, but that's what's ahead of us.
Once we stopped evolving, we started self-destructing, both inside and through cooperation with different forces (family that's out of tune, fearful society, demonic powers that falsely claimed rule over us, oppostie gender that seem to go along with demons to get along)
 
DepravedAndDeprived

DepravedAndDeprived

And then one day, for no reason at all...
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Zac said:
I realise that the same could be possible for me, and that a female might somehow find my face exceptionally attractive for whatever cultivated reasons
Turbocope kek
Zac said:
I done all this shit, I’m a professional artist, I’ve come so far and done so much,
I feel the same. I've excelled in terms of career, health and knowledge. Yet no foid is ever going to recognise that in contrast to some Chad's square jaw.

It doesn't feel pointless though. Pursuing knowledge has always been for personal gratification.
Loner94 said:
Having self awareness is a great advantage.
Why though? I consider it a privilege, yes, but in what way is it advantageous?
wastedTime said:
imagine writting all that and getting only one worders repliers from 13 year olds jfl
The absolute state of .is.
 
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