For years, the only thing I've been able to fantasize about is killing myself. I cant fantasize about anything else. I don't have any other desires. I don't even want a girlfriend anymore. When I see women in public I just get more depressed because I get reminded about my loneliness. I can't remember what it feels like to not want to kill yourself 24/7.
But I can't. It would absolutely devastate my parents and other family members and destroy their lives. This feels horribly wrong to say, but sometimes I wish my family died a sudden non painful death just so I would be able to kill myself.
I wouldn't want to die suddenly without knowing it. I would want to kill myself, so I would know that my suffering had finally come to an end. The only peaceful moment I can think of in my life is when I attempted suicide years ago and slowly passed out. I felt bliss. Unfortunately I was brought back to life.
But I can't. It would absolutely devastate my parents and other family members and destroy their lives. This feels horribly wrong to say, but sometimes I wish my family died a sudden non painful death just so I would be able to kill myself.
I wouldn't want to die suddenly without knowing it. I would want to kill myself, so I would know that my suffering had finally come to an end. The only peaceful moment I can think of in my life is when I attempted suicide years ago and slowly passed out. I felt bliss. Unfortunately I was brought back to life.
