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Incelius Savage is The Godfather of Inceldom
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The average American has only one close friend — here's how we got to this point
Stanford psychologist Emma Seppala says Americans are experiencing a crisis of loneliness, and it's partly a result of our desire for independence.
www.businessinsider.com
Alarmingly, when asked how many of them had "real friends" — the kind of confidantes with whom they could talk honestly and vulnerably about life on a regular basis, through good times and bad — only two people raised their hands.
[UWSL]It might be tempting to interpret this sense of isolation as a crisis of masculinity in the US. But the available research suggests that loneliness is a problem that supersedes gender.[/UWSL]
In a revealing sociological study, a large percentage of Americans report having shrinking networks and fewer relationships. The average American has only one close confidante, the same study showed. And the leading reasonpeople seek out counseling is loneliness.
The reason we're lonely
Why do so many Americans feel disconnected from one another? Many critics have blamed social media and smartphones. But the truth is that online [UWSL]social platforms[/UWSL] often help us feel more connected to our communities — not less. The larger issue lies not with technology, but with Americans' individualistic ideology.Americans like to think of themselves as independent, unique and autonomous, as a classic study by Stanford psychology professor Hazel Markus has shown and described in her book Clash: How to Thrive in a Multicultural World. Like other individualistic cultures, mostly in Western Europe but also in some immigrant cultures, Americans want to stand out.
Similar ideas were also emphasized by American transcendentalists including Ralph Waldo Emerson. In Emerson's essay "Self-Reliance," he claims that it is the job of individuals to find their own voice, path, and life calling. "Be yourself," he wrote, "no best imitator of another, but your best self."
Immigrant culture also influenced American individualism, as our ancestors strove to forge their own path toward the American Dream.
Individualism in the US can differ by socioeconomic level. Working-class Americans tend to act more collectivistically, according to researchby Kellogg School of Management professor Nicole Stephens. For example, people of higher economic status tend to be more independent, whereas poorer people often tend to be more collectivistic. But in general, Americans pride themselves on their independence, on their ability to succeed and pull themselves up by their bootstraps.
Our quest for independence may also be responsible for our current crisis of loneliness. We know from decades of research described in our book The Happiness Track that our greatest need — after food and shelter — is for social connection. From birth through old age, we need to feel that we belong.
Yet we can easily become isolated from one another. Some of us get competitive when we compare ourselves with our peers; others get trapped in 12-hour work days or scatter across the country in the quest for achievement. We drown in workaholism and the busyness of life, then numb ourselves with alcohol and [UWSL]Netflix. [/UWSL][UWSL]Yet social connection is what we all desperately want — that sense of deep and powerful intimacy, whether it's with a romantic partner or a friend.[/UWSL]