So.... the moment has finally arrived. I got the first (and probably last) job of my life... im a philosophy teacher in a public high school. Ive been doing stuff for years to get to this point (including studying English, for which you have been very helpful by the way, and passing countless exams, studyceling my life away as a mod here puts it...). And i finally reached it. I got a job. Im better than 90% of philosophers of my country. The only fucking job i can do anyway. And its a very well paid job in Spain. In my country the minimum salary is 600 euros, so earning more than 1500 is a luxury within the reach of few. I have not get paid yet my first salary, but as soon as I do I probably buy a nintendo switch (call me a soyboi) and subscribe to one or two paid porn sites.
My work situation is not stable at all ... I'm simply a substitute for a teacher whos going to be away for paternity reasons for a while. But, if I never reject any substitution (and i NEVER will), they (the government) will never stop calling me to make more substitutions, so, without any family ties or friends, I can accept any job that the state offers me. Right now I am in a small town, 500 km from where my parents live, in a problematic high school that probably a lot of people like me rejected (far away from everywhere, small village, no "degenerate fun" or "epic nights", etc...).
I could write for hours about what it means for an ugly and almost autistic person like me, who has lived in isolation litteraly all his life, to have to go to a public institute every day to explain nonsense in front of perfect jb's, have to endure the bullshit of the young chads that know im genetic trash, and having to avoid all kinds of conflicts with more beautiful, tall and NT teachers than me (litteraly everyone).
Words can not describe how shocking it is to face real life. The situation surpasses and overwhelms me completely, but I am a great actor so most people, all they see, is a smiling and complacent ugly weid young dude who does not mess with anyone. Just does his job and gets the fuck out.
Obviously, the worst part is the young girls ... (@Leucosticte , @Mainländer ...) To be honest, I thought that my libido would be a real torture (being surrounded by hot jb´s that just had exerciced during sports class....), i even had a nightmare the day before my first class in which i could not stand all that beauty in the same room and i had a panic attack... but the truth is that I feel so completely self-conscious and frightened in front of thirty or forty teenagers that I have almost become asexual. I do not dare to look at their asses, and the only time I look at the girls face is when I say the name of each of them to associate their name with their face. But I will not lie ... I am a slave of perfects jb's hired by the state so that their parents believe that they will learn something profound and valuable. I feel like shit, and when, for just a second, i let my incel self look at those asses... i feel like shit. But i cannot earn a reputation of a pedophile, that would destroy the few self-steem i have left and that i need to face all the shit i have to do (im not a pedophile btw, pls mods dont delete this thread just because of this...). But, 99% of the time im litteraly so scared that I dont even look at jb´s even when they ask something. I answer the girls while looking at a random dudes lol. I think they noticed, thats why they asked me if "im a christian" lol
Another problem is that I live for the moment in a very cheap hostel, and I do not know how long I will stay here. So one of my dreams, something I wanted to do when I had a salary ... buying a realistic sex doll is impossible at the moment. And the truth is that, if I want to stop being a substitute and that they give me a permanent place to work in an high school, I need to continue studying and doing exams. And I'm more than fed up. So I do not know what I will do. Maybe I'm going to be a substitute teacher all my life. Idk.
Another problem is the fucking weed.... (@Weed) that was my best cope of them all, but if someone denounces me for buying or selling drugs while I'm a teacher, I'll lose the only job I can do forever. So for now I have to face all this shit while sober ... Kind of sober. I have drunk so much alcohol in the last days that my stomach hurts all the time. I guess I'll become an alcoholic, like every good substitute teacher lol. When I think I could buy the best marijuana in the country but I can not, I assure you that I want to die.
I have stopped having free time. I get up at six in the morning, and I arrive at my lonely hotel room at four in the afternoon. While I prepare the classes the next day I lose the whole afternoon, and the only thing I do really fun is get drunk and play lol at night. On weekends I have to go back to my parents 'house, because nerves and stress make me sick (literally, not going into details) and I can only relax a bit at my parents' house (I'm 28 years old, by the way lol), plus it's The only place I know is 100% safe to smoke weed. Speaking about my parents ... I think I've never, literally, ever seen them proud of me. This is the first time i can remember. I think they thought I would fossilize in my room. I do not blame them. Anyway ... thats one of the reasons i cant shitpost here. I know, what a loss.
I'm going to take the opportunity to thank some members of this forum for encouraging me to keep trying to get a job. I want to mention explicitly @Maeror and @KyloRen . I know there is almost no chance for them to read this, but whatever... i would have never tried as hard as i tried without them. Also, thanks to everyone here. Not feeling isolated was a major part in my "success".
Well... that was a wall of text. Im not going to summarize it, if youre lazy to read, im sorry. I just wanted to share the good news with the only people that i can. I consider you guys like my family, not gonna lie. You can ask me what you want, but i dont know if im going to answer today, tomorrow, next weekend or next month... im fucking busy as i said. And, as always, sorry for bad english.
My work situation is not stable at all ... I'm simply a substitute for a teacher whos going to be away for paternity reasons for a while. But, if I never reject any substitution (and i NEVER will), they (the government) will never stop calling me to make more substitutions, so, without any family ties or friends, I can accept any job that the state offers me. Right now I am in a small town, 500 km from where my parents live, in a problematic high school that probably a lot of people like me rejected (far away from everywhere, small village, no "degenerate fun" or "epic nights", etc...).
I could write for hours about what it means for an ugly and almost autistic person like me, who has lived in isolation litteraly all his life, to have to go to a public institute every day to explain nonsense in front of perfect jb's, have to endure the bullshit of the young chads that know im genetic trash, and having to avoid all kinds of conflicts with more beautiful, tall and NT teachers than me (litteraly everyone).
Words can not describe how shocking it is to face real life. The situation surpasses and overwhelms me completely, but I am a great actor so most people, all they see, is a smiling and complacent ugly weid young dude who does not mess with anyone. Just does his job and gets the fuck out.
Obviously, the worst part is the young girls ... (@Leucosticte , @Mainländer ...) To be honest, I thought that my libido would be a real torture (being surrounded by hot jb´s that just had exerciced during sports class....), i even had a nightmare the day before my first class in which i could not stand all that beauty in the same room and i had a panic attack... but the truth is that I feel so completely self-conscious and frightened in front of thirty or forty teenagers that I have almost become asexual. I do not dare to look at their asses, and the only time I look at the girls face is when I say the name of each of them to associate their name with their face. But I will not lie ... I am a slave of perfects jb's hired by the state so that their parents believe that they will learn something profound and valuable. I feel like shit, and when, for just a second, i let my incel self look at those asses... i feel like shit. But i cannot earn a reputation of a pedophile, that would destroy the few self-steem i have left and that i need to face all the shit i have to do (im not a pedophile btw, pls mods dont delete this thread just because of this...). But, 99% of the time im litteraly so scared that I dont even look at jb´s even when they ask something. I answer the girls while looking at a random dudes lol. I think they noticed, thats why they asked me if "im a christian" lol
Another problem is that I live for the moment in a very cheap hostel, and I do not know how long I will stay here. So one of my dreams, something I wanted to do when I had a salary ... buying a realistic sex doll is impossible at the moment. And the truth is that, if I want to stop being a substitute and that they give me a permanent place to work in an high school, I need to continue studying and doing exams. And I'm more than fed up. So I do not know what I will do. Maybe I'm going to be a substitute teacher all my life. Idk.
Another problem is the fucking weed.... (@Weed) that was my best cope of them all, but if someone denounces me for buying or selling drugs while I'm a teacher, I'll lose the only job I can do forever. So for now I have to face all this shit while sober ... Kind of sober. I have drunk so much alcohol in the last days that my stomach hurts all the time. I guess I'll become an alcoholic, like every good substitute teacher lol. When I think I could buy the best marijuana in the country but I can not, I assure you that I want to die.
I have stopped having free time. I get up at six in the morning, and I arrive at my lonely hotel room at four in the afternoon. While I prepare the classes the next day I lose the whole afternoon, and the only thing I do really fun is get drunk and play lol at night. On weekends I have to go back to my parents 'house, because nerves and stress make me sick (literally, not going into details) and I can only relax a bit at my parents' house (I'm 28 years old, by the way lol), plus it's The only place I know is 100% safe to smoke weed. Speaking about my parents ... I think I've never, literally, ever seen them proud of me. This is the first time i can remember. I think they thought I would fossilize in my room. I do not blame them. Anyway ... thats one of the reasons i cant shitpost here. I know, what a loss.
I'm going to take the opportunity to thank some members of this forum for encouraging me to keep trying to get a job. I want to mention explicitly @Maeror and @KyloRen . I know there is almost no chance for them to read this, but whatever... i would have never tried as hard as i tried without them. Also, thanks to everyone here. Not feeling isolated was a major part in my "success".
Well... that was a wall of text. Im not going to summarize it, if youre lazy to read, im sorry. I just wanted to share the good news with the only people that i can. I consider you guys like my family, not gonna lie. You can ask me what you want, but i dont know if im going to answer today, tomorrow, next weekend or next month... im fucking busy as i said. And, as always, sorry for bad english.
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