Me: 1997.
I was a Technical Theatre major in college. Technical Theatre is all the behind the scenes stuff. Lighting, set design, building, running the production, moving stuff around, etc. Because Technical Theatre used to be a part of the communications dept, I still had to take theatre classes even though I had no ambition to be an actor. So I had to take all theater classes and not just the technical ones. I had to take acting class with actual actors. I had to take speaking class, with people who liked to speak in front of people. Needless to say it was a nightmare. It was embarrassing. Actors did have to take technical classes too, my strong suit, but they always got preferential treatment because they were all handsome and pretty. So they didn't have to operate heavy machinery, the just picked up a hammer once in awhile and they passed the class. I however didn't get any special treatment even though my teachers knew I had no ambition to be an actor, I was only taking their class because I had to.
I've always been overweight, but in college I was the best shape of my life. I took weight lifting class and I could leg press the entire stack of weights on the machine with my toes. So I wasn't a sloppy fat, but I was still 260ish pounds at 6 ft tall. But I was strong. My teach remarked I shouldn't carry the couch by myself because I might hurt myself. I didn't really think anything of it at the time because it was just furniture.
I actually liked taking showers, shaving, and taking care of myself. The showers were communal, but separated with walls and a shower curtain. They were always hot and not to crowded. So I took a shower, everyday. I used deodorant everyday.
In other words, I did all the things people tell incels to do in order to get girlfriends. I was neat and clean everyday of my life. I wore the same kind of clothes everyone else wore and I washed them on a weekly basis.
I actually started college in 1995, so by 1997 I knew everyone in the theatre dept, and they knew me. I never got invited to any of the parties. I never really had any friends despite working with a bunch of people who were all my equals. I had acquaintances, but never friends.
So as a final for my acting class I had to do a scene. Me and an old guy, someone who was literally 60 years old and 20 year old me were picked to do a scene together.
The teacher wanted us to be the odd couple. Of course I get picked to be the disgusting one. Despite all my efforts to always be clean and shaven. I wanted to be presentable for all my classes, and my teacher picked me to be one of the most slovenly dressed disgusting human beings to ever be on tv. I didn't even drink or gamble or smoke (I still don't to this day) and I made a concerted effort to try and be the opposite of what people thought of me. My immutable features still made me what I didn't want to be.
I didn't think about until later, but the teacher I most respected even saw me as a negative. It wasn't just the girls or the boys my own age, it was everyone. I remember when she told me and she mad a little joke about it. Like it was the most natural choice ever. I deserved to be that character.
That is one of the reasons I quit college. I was an outcast and even though I completed 2 1/2 years, I couldn't stand being alone anymore.
I made a mistake. I tried going on my own, instead I should have gone to the schools where my high school friends went. Then at least I had someone to follow and not be looked down upon. It was stupid to go out on my own.
Life lesson: If you have friends, follow them to the end of the earth. Especially if they are more popular than you.
This is just one story. I have many more of mistakes I made during this time. Why I was an incel then despite not having a name for it.
I was a Technical Theatre major in college. Technical Theatre is all the behind the scenes stuff. Lighting, set design, building, running the production, moving stuff around, etc. Because Technical Theatre used to be a part of the communications dept, I still had to take theatre classes even though I had no ambition to be an actor. So I had to take all theater classes and not just the technical ones. I had to take acting class with actual actors. I had to take speaking class, with people who liked to speak in front of people. Needless to say it was a nightmare. It was embarrassing. Actors did have to take technical classes too, my strong suit, but they always got preferential treatment because they were all handsome and pretty. So they didn't have to operate heavy machinery, the just picked up a hammer once in awhile and they passed the class. I however didn't get any special treatment even though my teachers knew I had no ambition to be an actor, I was only taking their class because I had to.
I've always been overweight, but in college I was the best shape of my life. I took weight lifting class and I could leg press the entire stack of weights on the machine with my toes. So I wasn't a sloppy fat, but I was still 260ish pounds at 6 ft tall. But I was strong. My teach remarked I shouldn't carry the couch by myself because I might hurt myself. I didn't really think anything of it at the time because it was just furniture.
I actually liked taking showers, shaving, and taking care of myself. The showers were communal, but separated with walls and a shower curtain. They were always hot and not to crowded. So I took a shower, everyday. I used deodorant everyday.
In other words, I did all the things people tell incels to do in order to get girlfriends. I was neat and clean everyday of my life. I wore the same kind of clothes everyone else wore and I washed them on a weekly basis.
I actually started college in 1995, so by 1997 I knew everyone in the theatre dept, and they knew me. I never got invited to any of the parties. I never really had any friends despite working with a bunch of people who were all my equals. I had acquaintances, but never friends.
So as a final for my acting class I had to do a scene. Me and an old guy, someone who was literally 60 years old and 20 year old me were picked to do a scene together.
The teacher wanted us to be the odd couple. Of course I get picked to be the disgusting one. Despite all my efforts to always be clean and shaven. I wanted to be presentable for all my classes, and my teacher picked me to be one of the most slovenly dressed disgusting human beings to ever be on tv. I didn't even drink or gamble or smoke (I still don't to this day) and I made a concerted effort to try and be the opposite of what people thought of me. My immutable features still made me what I didn't want to be.
I didn't think about until later, but the teacher I most respected even saw me as a negative. It wasn't just the girls or the boys my own age, it was everyone. I remember when she told me and she mad a little joke about it. Like it was the most natural choice ever. I deserved to be that character.
That is one of the reasons I quit college. I was an outcast and even though I completed 2 1/2 years, I couldn't stand being alone anymore.
I made a mistake. I tried going on my own, instead I should have gone to the schools where my high school friends went. Then at least I had someone to follow and not be looked down upon. It was stupid to go out on my own.
Life lesson: If you have friends, follow them to the end of the earth. Especially if they are more popular than you.
This is just one story. I have many more of mistakes I made during this time. Why I was an incel then despite not having a name for it.
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