Paradoxically, I view incel-ism as a product of a culture of compulsory sexuality. If 1950s America was overweeningly prudish, contemporary culture is sexual in ways that offer no relief. Men are told, implicitly, that they should be having a lot of sex and that they should judge themselves on the basis of their ability to have sex with attractive women. Sex is increasingly central to people's identities too.
All of this is fucking up fucking. Sex is an inherently pleasurable activity, and people will always want it. But we're also investing a lot of status connotations into sex. And humans care a lot about status. Incels are reacting to an impoverished James Bond/Playboy vision of masculinity. What is a man? A man is a basically empty vessel that sleeps with a lot of women. The image is unrealistic - Americans have a median of like 5-7 lifetime sexual partners. It also doesn't really leave much room for other positive traits or activities. If sex is everything, then you're nothing if you haven't had it. And paradoxically nobody wants to go out with a nobody (especially one who is obsessed with sleeping with you largely to erase their virginity and not, say, because they are attracted to you, or enjoy your company, or love you).
We need to invent a better masculinity (I mean maybe one day we'll abolish gender but we're not there yet). Young men are more lost than ever and do need a script for how to be good men. If we don't write them one, they'll get it from Jordan Peterson or worse. And we need to shine more of a light on love, and less of a light on sex. But love is tricky. It's not easily commodified, it's ephemeral, and you don't find it by looking for it.
