Sometimes, when I'm ripped out from the numbness of my isolation and I'm forced to look at my life, I get shivers through my skin and I feel cold

[Deleted member 7448]

I live in a sort of haze. A comfortable routine that has blended one day with the next in my mind. I screwed up my life long ago, and long before I even did that I was living in an extremely depressed state for way too long. My brain feels like mush, my memory is foggy.

And yet, I'm ripped out from that numbness every now and then. Forced by reality to face facts, to look at how I've been living, to look at how much I screwed up my life, to think about what I've missed out on, on how much I fucked myself and how inferior I am to even normal human beings.

Every few years there's a paradigm shift. My comfortable routine is demolished and I have to build a new one, within a new set of circumstances. It's always worse. Things are always getting worse. I miss my depressed teenager days when I didn't get out of the house for months.

Now the damage is piling up. Every time I'm pulled out of the numbness it's worse and worse. I get older and older, missed out on more things, lost more chances, did more damage.

 

[Rassimov]

As a teenager you at least cope with a fantasy that the best years are still ahead of you. Then you wake up at 30.

 

[Deleted member 18912]

In the end...
It doesn´t even matter.

All returns to nothing.

 

[turbocuckcel_7000]

most people just build this shitty setup for themselves that lets them travel forwards through time, lots of copes and positive thinking, but all it does is make time pass while things stay the same

 

[Mystic]

As a teenager you at least cope with a fantasy that the best years are still ahead of you. Then you wake up at 30.

 

[ColdLightOfDay]

Good post. Our minds are so strange, what matters to us most in one minute can be irrelevant to us in the next, and we have absolutely no control over it.

Often times I feel like a good life won’t even please me now and all I wish for is to die, as if it no longer matters. Other times the fact my life isn’t the way I want it to be is a source of intense stress and suffering, in those moments it really matters.

It seems the mind is subject to fluctuation between opposing states due to some kind of neuro-chemical variable rather than it being a case of temperament, ideology or perception. I can think of no other reason for two opposite states of mind to be alternating within the same person.

 

[Deleted member 11032]

I live in a sort of haze. A comfortable routine that has blended one day with the next in my mind. I screwed up my life long ago, and long before I even did that I was living in an extremely depressed state for way too long. My brain feels like mush, my memory is foggy.

And yet, I'm ripped out from that numbness every now and then. Forced by reality to face facts, to look at how I've been living, to look at how much I screwed up my life, to think about what I've missed out on, on how much I fucked myself and how inferior I am to even normal human beings.

Every few years there's a paradigm shift. My comfortable routine is demolished and I have to build a new one, within a new set of circumstances. It's always worse. Things are always getting worse. I miss my depressed teenager days when I didn't get out of the house for months.

Now the damage is piling up. Every time I'm pulled out of the numbness it's worse and worse. I get older and older, missed out on more things, lost more chances, did more damage.

Why did you go away for a few months? I missed fapping to your threads.

 

[Ropemaxx]

As a teenager you at least cope with a fantasy that the best years are still ahead of you. Then you wake up at 30.

Holy fuck...

 

[FukFeminism]

As a teenager you at least cope with a fantasy that the best years are still ahead of you. Then you wake up at 30.

 

[BlkPillPres]

most people just build this shitty setup for themselves that lets them travel forwards through time, lots of copes and positive thinking, but all it does is make time pass while things stay the same

Its this realization that killed my desire to play video games, it just doesn't feel fun anymore because I'm too self conscious, I'll literally catch myself playing and I'll start saying in my head "so many hours are going to pass that don't go towards improving your life" or "all these virtual achievements amount to nothing in the world you actually live in"

This is why the only concievable way I would become a "gamer", is if I was aiming to become a pro (streamer or competitor) and play for big money, I could never invest all that time and effort for nothing, for virtual points and accolades as my body ages and my wealth stagnates and/or depletes

 

[VirginAutistManlet]

Its this realization that killed my desire to play video games, it just doesn't feel fun anymore because I'm too self conscious, I'll literally catch myself playing and I'll start saying in my head "so many hours are going to pass that don't go towards improving your life" or "all these virtual achievements amount to nothing in the world you actually live in"

This is why the only concievable way I would become a "gamer", is if I was aiming to become a pro (streamer or competitor) and play for big money, I could never invest all that time and effort for nothing, for virtual points and accolades as my body ages and my wealth stagnates and/or depletes

Thats bluepilled/redpilled way to feel.

I stopped playing video games a long time ago, but I recently got back into them (WoW Classic) and I've come to realize it doesn't matter what I do or don't do. There is no difference in life no matter if I try hard and push for change, or if I just LDAR, the end result is the same, there's no difference of outcome.

Being an ugly male in these times is like being a black male in the 1800s that was just freed, youre going to be held back by the entire system who doesn't want you to succeed, they'll just let you have "freedom", but not let you actually do anything or get anywhere.

 

[BlkPillPres]

There is no difference in life no matter if I try hard and push for change, or if I just LDAR, the end result is the same, there's no difference of outcome.

What outcome are you talking about, getting a date, getting female validation, that's not the outcome I'm focused on so I think you are confused about what I mean't, my focus is on financial outcome, all those hours you are wasting playing games could have actually gone into something that could have made you rich, and THEN you could afford to play games all day and not worry about bills or ever working again

Being an ugly male in these times is like being a black male in the 1800s that was just freed, youre going to be held back by the entire system who doesn't want you to succeed, they'll just let you have "freedom", but not let you actually do anything or get anywhere.

Problem is you have a narrow view of "life paths", being ugly doesn't stop you from being a criminal, it doesn't stop you from selling drugs, robbing a bank, hacking peoples credit card information, selling private data, etc. There isn't only one path in life, there's other ways to get to where you want to be

In the same way that women tell themselves "where have all the good men gone" while screening out good men, I find that many incels say to themselves "where have all the oppurtunities gone" while screen out fringe opportunities, its not that you don't have any choices, its that you are unwilling to take the path not well travelled, you want to be able to just join a corporation and work your way up by being charismatic and good looking (like Chad), well you aren't Chad so you're going to have to take alternative paths

Or I guess you could just waste away more hours of your life playing video games and complain online about your life going nowhere till you wake up and you're fucking 50, you seriously might as well just rope right now and cut to the chase

 

[needsolution]

As a teenager you at least cope with a fantasy that the best years are still ahead of you. Then you wake up at 30.