I genuinely don't know what it is, but its like something about me is just so fucking repulsive and repellent to all human beings, getting stared at like I have 3 eyes and 2 mouths is a guaranteed and expected experience every time I leave my house, I've had people flat out stare and become taken aback just by the sight of my face, I've had kids stare at me for a whole minute with an expression on their face as if they're looking at a genuine demon, I've had random teens stare me down when I walk past and then erupting into hyena laughter as soon as I pass, I've had people scrunch their faces up at the sight of me, I've had people almost crash their cars driving past me because they couldn't stop staring at me, I've had people show uncomfortable body language when near me, like closed arms and full on self soothing behaviours, the most positive interaction with anyone that I have is the odd older woman speaking to me in a soft voice like I have down syndrome or something, like that's as good as it gets for me, one time on holiday I asked this older couple for directions and I swear they literally looked at me like I stripped naked in front of them, it was like I was fucking insulting them by daring to ask for directions, and this sort of shit happens CONSTANTLY, there's just something about me which I can't figure out, that is so abjectly repellant, so repulsive, so immediately hateable, so creepy and frightening, that the bar is so low for me that when I go out and only get stared at 3 times, that's a "successful" outing to me, that's a good day for me, a good day for me is when I just get uncomfortably ignored instead of being treated like a big demonic stinking pile of rotting flesh
Yet people on Reddit still insist that I look "completely normal and average" and that this is just all in my head, it's a huge whiplash to read the comments insisting how normal I look, then going outside and witnessing people's terrible reactions to my appearance or whatever THE FUCK it is that is causing this to happen so consistently, it's truly maddening, sometimes I genuinely start believing that maybe I'm possessed by demons and that's what's causing people to be so creeped out and hostile towards me, because surely my superficial presence can't be THAT fucking bad right? I look in the mirror and stare at my own photos and I still after years can't understand or see what is sticking out to people and repelling so much, I'm completely socially isolated and excluded because of whatever this "thing" is that people are instantly able to see
I'm truly at my wits end with this fucking bullshit
Yet people on Reddit still insist that I look "completely normal and average" and that this is just all in my head, it's a huge whiplash to read the comments insisting how normal I look, then going outside and witnessing people's terrible reactions to my appearance or whatever THE FUCK it is that is causing this to happen so consistently, it's truly maddening, sometimes I genuinely start believing that maybe I'm possessed by demons and that's what's causing people to be so creeped out and hostile towards me, because surely my superficial presence can't be THAT fucking bad right? I look in the mirror and stare at my own photos and I still after years can't understand or see what is sticking out to people and repelling so much, I'm completely socially isolated and excluded because of whatever this "thing" is that people are instantly able to see
I'm truly at my wits end with this fucking bullshit
