Don't even go if you aren't gonna express yourself, what's the point. Keeping a diary is probably better than therapy. A therapist can only piece together bits of your mind that you present to them, they can never see the full picture, and they can't be unbiased or objective because they're human at the end of the day. Write whatever though you have in a diary, specifically "deep" thoughts. Maybe someday if anybody cares for you they can read your thoughts, whether they consider them to be "evil" or otherwise, and see the interesting opinions their loved one had.